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  • Cannabis use + parenting?

    My exes use of cannabis and alcohol were problematic during our marriage.

    While he does not drink and drive (he was convicted of it twice in his 20s and learned his lesson he says). He routinely used cannabis and drove. Sometimes he was really high.

    On more than one occasion I refused to let him drive because he'd been smoking weed all morning or evening before we went out.

    He's a regular weed smoker- about 2-3x a day. Mostly after work- but if not working, as soon as he gets up, etc. As it didn't really affect his daily functioning- we tried to work on it. Like most problematic drinkers/users- it cycled. He said he would cut down to only weekends, then just once a day- then he just went back to his regular habits.

    One of the things he would rip into me for was because I would not let him drive us if we were going somewhere with D2 and he had smoked. He would want to drive and I would refuse.

    To the OCL- he swore he does not smoke weed anymore- as he doesn't have the stressors in his life that caused him to overindulge (that would be me).

    The problem? Weed is legal. In general- I don't have an issue with it. It's like alcohol to me. So just because he uses it- no big deal. It's the fact that substances- have been problematic in his life.

    I truly believe he is full of shit when he says he doesn't smoke anymore. He's a binge alcoholic and he admits he has an addictive personality issues which is why he never tried anything harder than mushrooms.

    I just don't want him getting high when he has D2 in his care. Or drive with her.

    Even when we move to unsupervised- I'm probably going to use a neutral third party to help facilitate exchanges (e.g. pick up from school, from his moms house, etc etc), so I won't always be able to see him or see what he looks like, etc. Right now- his sister does the driving. Plus you can't always tell when someone has smoked weed.

    I'm also concerned with him smoking weed around D2. There's been a couple of time (3x to be exact)- where's he dropped lighters or a zippo in her crib and I found her playing with it, or left it on the bed with her sleeping there.

    I don't know what to do....

    Ask for a drug test? closed and the results to be inadmissible in court? If he has stopped as he claims- shouldn't this be a non-issue?

    If I suspect he's high- call the police?

    Throw up some prayer hands and hope everything is okay?

  • #2
    Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
    Ask for a drug test? closed and the results to be inadmissible in court? If he has stopped as he claims- shouldn't this be a non-issue?
    I do not use drugs at all, and I would never agree to be tested. I would consider it to be extremely invasive. Perhaps offer it with some form of symmetry? Both of you get tested, with the results available to each other.

    I would still not consent, but your ex might.


    If I suspect he's high- call the police?
    Eventually your kid is going to be old enough to be upset about mom calling the cops on dad, probably sooner than you think. That is a short term solution at best.

    Also, cops probably won't do anything. "Crazy woman currently battling in court is calling us to try and dig up dirt on her ex. We can ignore this, right?"


    Throw up some prayer hands and hope everything is okay?
    Divorce comes with a sizeable dose of "loss of control".

    Weed is not as bad as alcohol, it sucks but I think prayer hands is the response of choice here.

    Also, in my experience, a 2 year old can't light a lighter. You probably have a few years to teach your kid fire safety.

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    • #3
      She was a baby when she got a hold of the lighters- the concern was more of a choking hazard. It still is....she's in this weird toddler phase where she just tries to see if shit will fit in her mouth. [side note- toddlers are so fucking weird some times].

      I guess prayer hands it is. I will offer to do the testing as well. He's going to say no. And then I will say nothing.

      Prayer hand emojis it is.
      Last edited by iona6656; 07-05-2019, 10:23 AM.

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      • #4
        Impaired is impaired. Its legal now so if he is doing while not driving not sure you can do anything about it. Its still illegal to drive impaired and that means weed as well


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        • #5
          I understand your concern. I'd be upset as well. Legal has little to do with it. Once your child is old enough to manage a cell phone she can call you when she smells that "stuff" etc.

          I'm sure any fire department would concur that yes, a 2-year-old could indeed start a fire if playing with a lighter. If child had lighter in crib they could light their clothing on fire.

          Yes I guess there are multitude of issues to worry about. As parents we try to protect our children to the best of our ability. Sounds like your ex's ability to make wise decisions is less than optimal. Keep pecking at your ex and perhaps he will grow a brain and/or something you say will stick in his muddled up mind. I recall back-in-the-day when I got together with girlfriends I would hear the same sort of complaints about their husbands (they were not separated). Eventually the husbands figured out that the nagging would go away if they used some care and better judgement. Mother-in-laws can be a useful resort as well.

          Hang in there!

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          • #6
            Thanks for the perspective and advice everyone. Our daughter is very verbal. Shes almost 3 and quite precocious. Shell be able to tell me stuff if it happens soon.

            Its hard. One of the reasons I stayed as long as I did was because I couldnt stomach the thought of his shit judgment causing her harm when she was a baby.


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            • #7
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              I'm sure any fire department would concur that yes, a 2-year-old could indeed start a fire if playing with a lighter. If child had lighter in crib they could light their clothing on fire.
              They could also stick their tongue into an electrical outlet after prying off the protective cover.

              They could also choke on literally hundreds of things that are accessible even in a baby-proofed house.

              Some things are more likely than others. Maybe my kids were uncoordinated losers, but at 2 years old, they were not even close to activating lighters. If you standard is "possible"... then everything is an unacceptable risk.

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              • #8
                at 2 my son did, in fact, pull off the clear plastic covering on a plug in his bedroom and stick a fork in... lights in house dimmed momentarily and he lived to see the day. Looking back I wonder how the heck he got hold of a fork!

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                • #9
                  This is a concern for me as well
                  Son is 11 and the ex has a prescription. I KNOW she hits it daily because shes a mess. When Ive had him and she shows up to his sporting events I tell her I can smell it
                  My son has told me shes had him at a friends and she was in garage till 3am!!

                  Shes batshit crazy, so the poor kid if he said (I liked this suggestion BTW) Im not getting in the car with you.. she would come unglued.
                  He already wants to stay with me full time as he says life there is hell and screamed at all the time. Ect

                  I too feel your pain and have prayer hands. The only hope I see is a small car accident with son in the car and shes under influence......
                  Until then


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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by arabian View Post
                    at 2 my son did, in fact, pull off the clear plastic covering on a plug in his bedroom and stick a fork in... lights in house dimmed momentarily and he lived to see the day. Looking back I wonder how the heck he got hold of a fork!
                    LOL, My dad watched me do that when I was around two. Used to be one of his favorite stories to tell.

                    As for cannabis, it is legal, but not driving while high. It's a very stressful situation to be in and I feel for you. Not much that you can do except hope nothing happens to D2.

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                    • #11
                      I pity kids that have to go around smelling like little skunks. If my kid brought friends home who had that odor about them I can tell you my kid wouldn't be visiting their home anytime soon.

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