Kids being anti new SO

[Links17]

So I've found a new chick she's pretty cool.

My kids are going ballistic about it basically and my son (12yrs old) openly threatened to move to his mom's house if I live with this girl. My daughter has made the threat but wouldn't be happy either

I've been with the girl for a year, she lives nearby and I'm planning to move her in to my place for a couple of months as a trial and if things go well i might buy a place with her in June.

Advice?

[rockscan]

Did they say anything about why they feel this way? Like they are afraid she will try to be their mother? Afraid you dont love them that much etc? Maybe try talking to them?

They can threaten all they want but you are the parent. I have a feeling this is probably being fed by their mother or they are afraid of more upheaval.

[arabian]

Don't know why people, after going through nasty divorces, want to enter into another live-in relationship.

I'd be pissed off if I were one of your children. Sure you call the shots but why not simply focus on raising your children and seeing your friend at your respective residences? Your children will only be with you for a few more years correct? After they leave you will have the rest of your life to play house with someone. I'd cherish the time with your kids while you can.

I don't recall the age of your children but there is that age where they can decide where they want to live. Is the new g/f worth losing your kids?

[cashcow4ex]

Don't know why people, after going through nasty divorces, want to enter into another live-in relationship.

I'd be pissed off if I were one of your children. Sure you call the shots but why not simply focus on raising your children and seeing your friend at your respective residences? Your children will only be with you for a few more years correct? After they leave you will have the rest of your life to play house with someone. I'd cherish the time with your kids while you can.

I don't recall the age of your children but there is that age where they can decide where they want to live. Is the new g/f worth losing your kids?

How many prospective partners do you think would stick around if he told them that the relationship couldn't progress past casual dating for the next 10-12 years because his kids said so?

I got into another marriage after my 1st one because I was smart enough to learn from that experience and make sure not to repeat the same mistakes. I just went out and found the polar opposite of my ex!

As far as this kid issue:
In my house, I am the parent and I make the decisions. That's the problem with children nowadays...they think they rule the roost....We think like the above and we will continue to foster and support a generation of self entitled spoiled brats!

When would it end? Next thing you know, these kids will be threatening to move to Mom's (who is most likely spear heading this) if they don't get a new car at 16.

I say hold your ground, take it slow and reassure them that the girlfriend isn't in any way trying to become or replace their mother.

[arabian]

Just because two people aren't living together (doing laundry, cleaning & playing house) doesn't mean they aren't in a serious, committed relationship. I mean you CAN have sex and not live in the same place and you CAN enjoy sleepovers, vacations together... all the good stuff and then come home to one's own safe haven. Actually, if anyone demanded living together or end relationship then I would run the other way.

On the other hand, I do agree that kids shouldn't be dictating things. You should, however, take their position into consideration. If the kids are dead against the g/f moving in then it certainly will not be a pleasant experience for the g/f and you may find yourself playing referee....

[Tayken]

You have 50% of your time to bang when your kids are not home. Why bother with the nightmare. Just have the new partner stay there when the kids are not there and you stay at their place when the kids are with the other parent...

[whyme?]

it's a legitimately tough spot you're in. Have you delved further into why they are so against the g/f? would going to see a counsellor separate or together potentially help?

good luck

[Janus]

Financially speaking, paying for one household is substantially cheaper than paying for two. The savings could be used to fund multiple exotic vacations a year.

My point is that there are reasons beyond extra banging to move in together.

That said, if the kids are against it, that's a serious issue. Maybe start taking vacations together first? The cost savings may be eaten up by a subsequent separation.

[Tayken]

That said, if the kids are against it, that's a serious issue. Maybe start taking vacations together first? The cost savings may be eaten up by a subsequent separation.

Just wait until the other parent gets wind of it all and starts to create an even bigger mess. Not like Link's ex isn't a totally reasonable person who will embrace this change...

[Berner_Faith]

I’m glad I met my husband when his kids were really young... it has allowed the kids and I to develop an amazing relationship.

I don’t think children should dictate your relationship status or living situations but I do think you owe it to your children to find out their reasons why. I mean if your children stated they didn’t want to do xyz, I can only assume you would ask them why. This situation shouldn’t be any different. Open communication with your children is the only thing that can make this transition easier. I’m sure you don’t want to do anything that’s going to hurt your relationship with your children so please have an open conversation with them


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[piggybanktoex]

I love my GF of the last 10 years, but after the divorce I had, I am not interested in living together or (God Forbid) ever getting married again.

My income was reduced by 3/4 after all the damage she did to my business partnership and job. All because the law meant she would get it all and I would end up broke in 5 years. And that was with 50%-50
%.

It would be cheaper to me to help pay her mortgage that to be a married (divorced) couple or common law.

My kids came (come) first, as do hers.

Wait until your kids are mid-teens or older, IMHO.

[Links17]

Financially moving in or not doesn't impact me much now or in potential future situations. I am in Quebec so as long as there are no children I am safe.

The new girl is educated and has a proper career too, not minimum wage labour

Moving in is pretty much for convenience and entertainment.

I am not prepared to have my kids intentionally sabotage this and let it fly.

My kids come first so if there was a legitimate conflict I would take my kids side but they are the sole aggressors here.

I agree I won't and I don't let my kids bully me.

I talk to them, give them space, do stuff once a week just us.... Not sure what more I can do

[Berner_Faith]

So what are their issues with the new SO? Surely they have expressed something regarding their displeasure


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[denbigh]

Don't know why people, after going through nasty divorces, want to enter into another live-in relationship.

I'd be pissed off if I were one of your children. Sure you call the shots but why not simply focus on raising your children and seeing your friend at your respective residences?

this is my thought exactly. I feel like divorce is traumatic enough, there is no way I would ever put my kids through a new partner. I am pretty committed to never having a partner unless my children are adults.

At the ages your children are, I think you have a pretty normal reaction, and I wouldnt be too quick to assume that mom is driving it. No 12 year old wants to think about their parent with a new partner. Your 12 year old is thinking of himself and himself alone, not how you feel about it, and that is completely developmentally normal.

[denbigh]

Moving in is pretty much for convenience and entertainment.

I am not prepared to have my kids intentionally sabotage this and let it fly.

that speaks volumes