Interpreting Christmas

[Janus]

So another vacation argument. How do you deal with this.

I think that you can really tell a lot about the character of a custodial parent when they are faced with a situation where the NCP might get one or two days more than the agreement states. That's when you find out if they love their kid more than they hate their ex.

That said, this one is easy. He wants 8 days. He gets 8x24=192 hours.

But seriously, let him have the extra day. Airport, school, who cares.

Also, anyone who has vague agreements is crazy. Agreements should have days and hours specifically listed. You should know where your kids are going to be on December 27th, in the year 2021, at 11 in the morning. If you don't, then the agreement is too vague.

[Beachnana]

I think that you can really tell a lot about the character of a custodial parent when they are faced with a situation where the NCP might get one or two days more than the agreement states. That's when you find out if they love their kid more than they hate their ex.

That said, this one is easy. He wants 8 days. He gets 8x24=192 hours.

But seriously, let him have the extra day. Airport, school, who cares.

Also, anyone who has vague agreements is crazy. Agreements should have days and hours specifically listed. You should know where your kids are going to be on December 27th, in the year 2021, at 11 in the morning. If you don't, then the agreement is too vague.

Janus there is a lot of truth in what you say. Both parties are so intent in their hate for each other they are both unable to deal civil on any occasion.

We had wanted an order which spelt out each visit in details but Dad just wanted to get it over with because he did not want to spend any more money on the agreement.

So vague is what we have for some things. But to be honest even on the parts that are spelt out Dad still always wants to change things and when he is given a no response he goes on a rant about his rights, his needs and how “ he will bring the full force of the judicial system and CAS onto Mom”. He knows the CAS contact by name!

So not much hope there. In his eyes being reasonable shows weakness. - his words!

[Tandem80]

Same situation here. Kids off dec 22-Jan 7. Mother is saying my half starts Jan 1. In the past 10 yrs we have deviated and she brought them to me dec 25 so kids were with us both. 2 weeks ago offered me the 24-29 and now all of a sudden she is mad at me because of $$$ that I am not obligated to give her, and has told me we will go as per court order. Fine! Your only hurting the kids. She can explain why all of a sudden they will be missing Christmas with my family. I say the half way mark is dec 30. She isn't budging. Don't know what to do. I go back to work Jan 2 so it will be a very short visit.

[kate331]

What a crazy time for parents trying to figure these holidays out. Its technically our first Christmas apart as last year we were amiable enough to spend it together for the kids sake, but this year its a new beginning. After weeks of asking via email and no response, I am assuming he is NOT going to be splitting the holidays.

I feel alone here sometimes, being the Mean Mom, thats thinking take the kids, cause I could sure use a break right now, especially during the Holidays. 2 active boys 3 & 7 to entertain for 2 weeks, I wouldn't even split it if i had the choice. That's my vent for today, thanks for listening.

[arabian]

Knee-jerk reaction no doubt Tandem.

Make "spectacular" plans for the week you have them... no looking back. Hopefully you can make arrangements with your employer. If not, make the best of what you have.

Your ex will have to deal with cranky, upset children... as I recall the part after Christmas is a real let-down and children are generally grumpy and bored. You will be the one to rescue them from their boredom with fabulous plans for the New Year! Keep positive and don't give her the satisfaction of a reaction. She's dirt. That is all.

[Tayken]

Janus there is a lot of truth in what you say. Both parties are so intent in their hate for each other they are both unable to deal civil on any occasion.

Then tell the party you have access to give up the days and stop the nonsense.

[Beachnana]

Tayken believe me we have made that suggestion. But the damage was done with the first Nasty demanding email the ex sent at start of the conversation.
His email started with a threat and then went on about
Money And then his demand to change what has been the usual arrangement over the past 3 Christmas the child has been in school. So not a good start to the conversation. So when I suggested a compromise I was told no compromise with the ex shows weakness and he will only take advantage of that.

The conversation I wish I could have
Had was with the ex to show him how to write a nice starting email conversation which would ha e brought him to a better conclusion. But he is a nasty bully who starts all conversations with “my”.

[Tayken]

Tayken believe me we have made that suggestion.

Conflict is like an addition. Some times you have to take an extreme position with those involved. You can simply tell your daughter that you will no longer support her (financially, emotionally, etc...) if she continues down this dangerous path. Ultimately, the child will be impacted.

I think you are doing absolutely the wrong thing by not putting a hard line in the sand to end this conflict between the parents of the child.

But the damage was done with the first Nasty demanding email the ex sent at start of the conversation.

But, its a few hours here or there. In the grand scheme it is not worth the fight? You can't blow hot and cold on the subject saying you made a suggestion then say its the dad's fault. Its ultimatly BOTH of their fault.

His email started with a threat and then went on about

A threat? Then call the police. A threat is well defined. But, if he told you that he will exersize his RIGHT to take the matter to court. He was being polite actually. He could have served papers instead of informing you of the alternative to resolve the dispute. An alternative that EVERY CANADIAN has!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop with the "thread" and other nonsense.

Money And then his demand to change what has been the usual arrangement over the past 3 Christmas the child has been in school.

Change happens. Deal with it.

So not a good start to the conversation. So when I suggested a compromise I was told no compromise with the ex shows weakness and he will only take advantage of that.

That is what I would call "conflict addiction" on the part of both parties.

The conversation I wish I could have
Had was with the ex to show him how to write a nice starting email conversation which would ha e brought him to a better conclusion. But he is a nasty bully who starts all conversations with “my”.

Who cares what he does. You have to worry about your daughter whom (a) does not participate on this site and (b) seems to rely upon you to be the adult in her parent-child relationship.

Sorry to say... Your daughter has a heap of personal issues if she relies on her mom as an adult to support her like this.

Yes... I am being a bit terse but, you have been here too long dealing with such petty matters that should have resolved by now. Its not your fault your daughter is caught up in a grade 8 fight with the other parent. But, you have all the power in the world to disconnect yourself from it and make her be an adult.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Beachnana]

Thank you. Good advice which I have decided to take
I bid you all farewell and good Luck to you all.

This site has given me lots of support, some harsh reality and some useful information.

[kate331]

Please stick around for us Newbies. I have learnt a lot from your post on what to do and what not to do, regardless if your a parent. Also thanks for helping me via PM too.