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am i obligated to tell her were i go with my children

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  • #16
    Parents have the right to the address of the children, that happens to also be the address of the other parent, it is what it is.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
      Not giving your residential address can lead to multiple complications, the worst being the ex denying parenting time on the basis that they do not have sufficient knowledge of the child's location
      Unless the order states the access parent is to inform custodial parent of their resident, then they do not have such obligation and could be found in contempt of order if they denied access on that basis. If they have any concerns, they can contact children aid society or even request well being check by police. The access parent isn't a criminal that would live in a drug house with their child.


      Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
      or proper contact details in case of emergency.
      Custodial parent can't just show up at access parents house for what the custodial parent would deem an emergency. In case of a real emergency, the access parent knows what to do, can call 911, and take child to hospital and inform custodial parent of hospital they are at. No need to wait at their house for custodial parent to drop by to dictate.

      Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
      Should the ex do that the judge would likely come down on both parents for being morons and fostering this gong show that is now in court.
      Absolutely, but the access parent can't be found in contempt, the custodial parent can for denying access.


      Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
      Simply provide the address.
      If you are comfortable with your crazy ex knowing where you live. I regret sharing in my case. Ex ended up showing at my house and caused a disturbance and trespassed during my parenting time.

      Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
      It is simple and there are absolutely ZERO reasons why it shouldn't be provided.
      There is a reason, access parent isn't required to share that information. Only custodial parent is to inform access parent of their new address, and I believe typically within 60 days. This is a standard clause in the access parent's favour. Access parent can file for chance in custody if custodial parent moves far enough. Custodial parent can't do much.

      Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
      And unless the non-custodial parent wants to do all of the driving to exercise their access, then the ex should have their address so they can either drop off or pick up the kid.
      I am sure you would agree that custodial parents demand access parent to do all driving, and it is rare for custodial to share drive. That is a good reason why custodial parent should share their address, so access parent knows where to pickup and/or drop off child.

      I agree, if they share drives, then that is a reason to share your address.

      In my case, I was told I had no obligation to tell ex where i live as access parent and as I do all of the driving. I did in anyway to put ex in good but, but unfortunately, I regret doing it, given the nuisance she made of her self attending at my house. I would highly recommend against giving your crazy custodial ex your address, unless you are mandated to do so by the courts, or if that is where they drop / pickup kids from.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
        Parents have the right to the address of the children, that happens to also be the address of the other parent, it is what it is.
        Could you provide some case law or provision confirming same ? Last time I spoke to a lawyer, access parent has no obligation to provide their address to custodial parent. Custodial parent has to however inform access parent of their location they intend to move to usually within 60 days. POW

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        • #19
          It might depend largely on the circumstances. I am the custodial parent and neither my ex nor my lawyer have any idea where the children and I live. I have done this deliberately as I am in hiding from my ex. I have asked repeatedly for a restraining order which has been ignored. This is my way of protecting myself. Now in an interesting twist, all of the judges are ignoring my ex and his lawyerís rankings about needing to know my address. They donít care. He has my cell
          number and knows what school the kids attend. He can serve me via my lawyer. If I ever go self rep I will get a post office box number he can have at it to send court documents to.
          I think it really depends on your situation. I have no intention of ever giving him my address. Itís none of his business and he does not need it to exercise his access rights ( which he is not currently doing). My not revealing our address in no way negatively impacts his rights to his children should he wish to begin seeing them again.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Stillbreathing View Post
            It might depend largely on the circumstances. I am the custodial parent and neither my ex nor my lawyer have any idea where the children and I live. I have done this deliberately as I am in hiding from my ex. I have asked repeatedly for a restraining order which has been ignored. This is my way of protecting myself. Now in an interesting twist, all of the judges are ignoring my ex and his lawyerís rankings about needing to know my address. They donít care. He has my cell
            number and knows what school the kids attend. He can serve me via my lawyer. If I ever go self rep I will get a post office box number he can have at it to send court documents to.
            I think it really depends on your situation. I have no intention of ever giving him my address. Itís none of his business and he does not need it to exercise his access rights ( which he is not currently doing). My not revealing our address in no way negatively impacts his rights to his children should he wish to begin seeing them again.

            Unless your order states you must give your address, then not much ex can do. If ex really concerned, could ask CAS to inspect your place of living and child's home as you are refusing to share where child resides. Not sure if child's home address falls under right of access parent to inquire and be given information about child but suppose access parent could always file a motion. Worst to worst, ex could hire private investigator to follow you around and find out where you live - and you would never know.

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            • #21
              CAS and police are in agreement with what I have done. Ex is too much of a cheapskate to spend the money on a PI. So far itís worked beautifully and the kids and I feel more secure this way. The point is that the judges really donít care one way or the other if you reveal your address or not as long as the other partyís access rights continue unharmed by it. What I have learned about family law is that judges and lawyers try to misrepresent the law to use it to intimidate you into doing what they want. A lawyer may tell you the custodial parent is supposed to reveal their address but they can not force you to.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Stillbreathing View Post
                A lawyer may tell you the custodial parent is supposed to reveal their address but they can not force you to.
                A lawyer no. However a judge can compel you.

                For those that are trying to rationalize not providing your address to the ex as reasonable, feel free to try and provide that rationalization to a judge should you be required to because the ex denied access. I will simply put this one down to "play stupid games, win stupid prizes".

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                  A lawyer no. However a judge can compel you.

                  For those that are trying to rationalize not providing your address to the ex as reasonable, feel free to try and provide that rationalization to a judge should you be required to because the ex denied access. I will simply put this one down to "play stupid games, win stupid prizes".
                  Good look trying to find your way out of contempt for denying access on the basis of not being given other parent's address unless your order states specifically that they must do that. Yes, it would seem like much a simple solution - provide your address and get access, but custodial parent's can't be allowed to jerk you around like that, and access parents should not stand by it. If you have joint-custody, then share. Sole custody, don't and file contempt motion to restore your access. There is chance a judge may ask you to share your address, however - but must give compelling reasons as to why, and that can be appealed.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Stillbreathing View Post
                    What I have learned about family law is that judges and lawyers try to misrepresent the law to use it to intimidate you into doing what they want.
                    This isn't only an issue with Family Law. I have seen it in other areas of the law in Canada. It's rather that judges and lawyers like to misrepresent (or manipulate) the facts and the laws in order for them see what they want to see be the end result. It is better known as bias and corruption.

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                    • #25
                      Hammerdad.a judge can not compel you to give your address. Itís not against any law to keep it private. And as in my case doing so has in no way impeded my exís supervised acccess which he chooses not to exercise. Denial of your address and denial of access are two separate things which do not automatically go together. The other parent does not have to know your address in order to exercise their access. Especially when access pick up and drop off are not at the custodial parents place of residence.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Stillbreathing View Post
                        Hammerdad.a judge can not compel you to give your address. Itís not against any law to keep it private. And as in my case doing so has in no way impeded my exís supervised acccess which he chooses not to exercise. Denial of your address and denial of access are two separate things which do not automatically go together. The other parent does not have to know your address in order to exercise their access. Especially when access pick up and drop off are not at the custodial parents place of residence.
                        Bad attitude to have as custodial parent. You are not god. You're a parent, just as is the so called "access parent".

                        A judge can compel you. Here is a Judge compelling mom to give address to dad:

                        (c) provide Mr. Goulding with her home address and a telephone number at which Mr. Goulding can reach Marissa and to which he can have letters or packages delivered and shall notify Mr. Goulding of any change in either;
                        Goulding, Johnny v. Goulding, Dawn, 2008 NLTD 124 (CanLII)

                        http://canlii.ca/t/1zcn3

                        And if you are going to make that whole, "but that is British Columbia" or "Nova Scotia" court non sense, then here is one from Ontario:

                        2.10 The parties shall keep each other informed about their residential address, telephone number and e-mail address and shall notify the other party within 24 hours of any changes.
                        Szakacs v. Clarke, 2014 ONSC 7487 (CanLII)

                        http://canlii.ca/t/gfs1j
                        Last edited by trinton; 11-20-2017, 05:45 PM.

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                        • #27
                          Again, the judges can write ANYTHING they want in a court order but it will not necessarily yield the results or compliance they are looking for. My ex is able to call his kids on my cell. He has a post office box he can deliver cards and letters too. The older kids have their own cell numbers but refuse to give them to him. The youngest has an iPod he can face time with his dad but again refuses to do so. All the kids are thrilled he does not have our address. None of the judges we have been before have cared that he does not have our address. Each situation has its own unique set of circumstances. My ex is not a normal father. He is missing a large chunk of his brain from an accident and will never be fully functional again.
                          I do feel sorry for him at times but I have to look at reality and weigh the risks and benifits of everything I do. For the kids and myself which includes safety.
                          You are wrong in that the courts can not compel you to do anything. They can write orders and threaten you with contempt. They can use strong coercion but in the end they can not force you to do anything. You have a choice. You can defy them and take the resultant consequences ( or lack thereof). You have to pick your battles wisely and decide which hill is worth dying on. But the bottom line is they can not force you to do anything against your will.
                          Problem with family law is that the rules keep changing and how they are applied to a previous case may have no bearing as to how they are applied to your case. Everybodyís a liar and Iím talking about the judges, both lawyers, OCL, assessors, everybody... and that is why you must know where you willing to make a stand. Pick the one or two issues that matter and stick to your guns.


                          As for the above mentioned case law it does not apply to my situation because the judges choose to ignore my exís request for my address. Tommorow they may apply it. I may then be found in contempt of the heinous crime of not providing an address but I doubt it. They can not find me in contempt of denying access as it can still occur ( he chooses not to exercise it).

                          To the OP : each situation is unique. You may never be requested to give your address so long as the ex can contact the kids by cell and send them letters or gifts to some address ( relatives, P.O. box, etc). Apparently in some cases judges do order addresses to be revealed ( see above case law) and in some cases they donít ( my case for example).

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by trinton View Post
                            Bad attitude to have as custodial parent. You are not god. You're a parent, just as is the so called "access parent".

                            A judge can compel you. Here is a Judge compelling mom to give address to dad:



                            Goulding, Johnny v. Goulding, Dawn, 2008 NLTD 124 (CanLII)

                            http://canlii.ca/t/1zcn3

                            And if you are going to make that whole, "but that is British Columbia" or "Nova Scotia" court non sense, then here is one from Ontario:



                            Szakacs v. Clarke, 2014 ONSC 7487 (CanLII)

                            http://canlii.ca/t/gfs1j


                            I agree with Stillbreathing. Family Law judges tend to write whatever they want in their orders. I several unenforceable orders in my judgement that aren't worth the paper they are printed on.

                            Correct me if I am wrong here, as I am definitely no expert... Judges are to interpret the law, not create laws. Does the divorce act, or any other relevant act or law state, or even imply, that a parent must know the address of the other parent? If you can't find a supporting law to base those decisions on, would it likely stand up to an appeal should someone do so?

                            Other than convenience, or just plain being nosy, what possible real reason of any actual importance, is there for someone to need to know the address of where the kids are at when with another parent?

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Soiled View Post
                              Other than convenience, or just plain being nosy, what possible real reason of any actual importance, is there for someone to need to know the address of where the kids are at when with another parent?
                              1. to know where you children live. You can research crime rates and such for that area.

                              2. to send gifts, etc.

                              3. to pick up / drop off if exchange needs to occur there

                              4. to be nosy.


                              I agree with you, there should be a standard framework / parenting plan that is used for seperated parents. Regardless, If you don't comply with the judge order, then you can be found in contempt.

                              Same thing with being ordered to do all the driving, you can not do it, but you can be found in contempt. That won't make you do it, however, you'll just continue to not do it. That is the good thing about being a human and not a slave.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by tunnelight View Post
                                1. to know where you children live. You can research crime rates and such for that area.

                                2. to send gifts, etc.

                                3. to pick up / drop off if exchange needs to occur there

                                4. to be nosy.
                                1 - Falls under the category of Nosy. Highly unlikely to change anything even if its a high crime rate area.

                                2 - That's just a convenience. Gifts can be given during your own time.

                                3 - Nosy, and also one of those endless 'what if' games that can be played. Nearly anything can be justified or seem reasonable through enough 'what if' scenarios. Exchange is already dictated to be elsewhere.

                                IMO if you think you need to know the address of the other parent, or are viewing it as a right to know it, you have a control issue, as knowing it or not knowing it changes nothing for you.

                                Comment

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