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Co-parenting and spouse decides who children associate with

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  • Co-parenting and spouse decides who children associate with

    currently going through divorce...trying to get separation agreement in place. STBX keeps on telling me that the kids are not allowed to see their extended family. Especially her extended family. Anytime there is a disagreement in terms of the finances of the separation agreement, she says the kids are not allowed to associate with anyone from their friends.
    Deeply I feel this is abuse to the kids.

    any suggestions?

  • #2
    she can decide who the kids see on her time. If she doesn't want to let them see her family on her time, then that is her business, not yours. To me it is not abuse. If you feel strongly about it then when you have the kids you can take them to see her family.

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    • #3
      In Quebec, parents are not allowed to withhold children from their grand parents without SERIOUS cause. Grandparents successfully get access to their grandchildren despite BOTH parents not wanting it.

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      • #4
        Another thing Ontario can learn from, and another typical example of a brilliant standard operating procedure from our cousins in Quebec. Add to this that common law is not recognized...Ontario and others need to get on this boat.

        Cirque Soleil owner Guy went all the way to the supreme court and won, when his Brazilian gold digger try to take him to the cleaners....just because.

        Originally posted by Links17 View Post
        In Quebec, parents are not allowed to withhold children from their grand parents without SERIOUS cause. Grandparents successfully get access to their grandchildren despite BOTH parents not wanting it.

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        • #5
          This is sad to deny children access to family. Why does she feel that way?

          When the children are under her control so be it. When they are under your control you should be able to determine who they can and cannot see.

          The situation must put your dealings with ex in a difficult position, Here you are trying to negotiate a separation and it seems the kids are a pawn in the process.

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          • #6
            My partner has not spoken to his father since Christmas. His father is not a good person. There is sooo much to the story, but after everything his father has done, he has decided we will have nothing to do with him or his wife. He does not want his children around the type of people they are. His brother has also cut their father out of their life. My partner asked his ex to respect the decision and because she knows what this man is like, she has agreed to do so.

            Sometimes there are reasons for these decisions and your ex may have a very good reason. I would suggest asking her why she feels this way and then judge for yourself. But really to me, would it not be better to have a civil relationship with your ex than to go behind her back and do what she has asked you not too? When the kids are with you, you can visit whomever you want, just think about her reasons for wanting to cut her parents out.

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            • #7
              Surely this is a trick question? It's pure and unadulterated spitefulness / evil / vindictive / self centered attitude. Then they wonder why the kids grow up to hate them when the truth comes out later

              Originally posted by Mike62 View Post
              This is sad to deny children access to family. Why does she feel that way?

              When the children are under her control so be it. When they are under your control you should be able to determine who they can and cannot see.

              The situation must put your dealings with ex in a difficult position, Here you are trying to negotiate a separation and it seems the kids are a pawn in the process.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                My partner has not spoken to his father since Christmas. His father is not a good person. There is sooo much to the story, but after everything his father has done, he has decided we will have nothing to do with him or his wife. He does not want his children around the type of people they are. His brother has also cut their father out of their life. My partner asked his ex to respect the decision and because she knows what this man is like, she has agreed to do so.

                Sometimes there are reasons for these decisions and your ex may have a very good reason. I would suggest asking her why she feels this way and then judge for yourself. But really to me, would it not be better to have a civil relationship with your ex than to go behind her back and do what she has asked you not too? When the kids are with you, you can visit whomever you want, just think about her reasons for wanting to cut her parents out.
                Sometimes there are good reasons, but not always. I think I remember a poster here who had to facilitate contact between his ex's parents and the children because the ex refused to let them see the children. It was based on the parents disapproving of their daughter's behaviour and letting her know. Basically, the parents took their former son-in-law's side in the separation instead of their own daughter, and she tried to retaliate by withholding access to the children.

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                • #9
                  Now she is deciding that the kids should stay home on Sunday..i ask her to take care of them while I go attend a friends wedding, she refuses and give me the excuses that she doing the cooking cleaning and her work and she needs somebody to watch them..i tell her I can take them with me and she refuses..she is making it very difficult and starts to threaten of taking me to the cleaners.
                  Irrational rules.

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                  • #10
                    So take them with you or leave them home. If you take them, you get the time with them. If you leave them home she will either watch them or get someone to watch them. Stop letting her decide what you will do and dictate rules to you. You're a grown man, just make a decision on what you plan to do - and then do that. Period.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                      So take them with you or leave them home. If you take them, you get the time with them. If you leave them home she will either watch them or get someone to watch them. Stop letting her decide what you will do and dictate rules to you. You're a grown man, just make a decision on what you plan to do - and then do that. Period.
                      Thanks...if she physically blocks us from the door...should I call the cops on her? CAS?

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by abuseddad View Post
                        Thanks...if she physically blocks us from the door...should I call the cops on her? CAS?
                        Neither.

                        1. You are under no obligation to tell the other parent where you are going with the children. So stop doing it.

                        2. Stop being so dramatic. You are in situation that isn't great but, how does calling the police help things? Or the CAS?

                        3. Your name on this site itself is quite "dramatic" as "abused dad". Yet, i have not read anything from you that would even remotely constitute "abuse" in accordance with Rule 24.(4) of the CLRA. Stop playing "victim" like this. It will only hurt your case more than it will help it.

                        Good Luck!
                        Tayken

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                        • #13
                          If you call the cops, your children will have to witness the police coming to your door, lecturing both you and your spouse about your behavior, and potentially tempers getting hotter and hotter. This is not a matter for CAS because the children are not in danger. I suggest you arrange for someone from the wedding to come and pick you up, then get the children ready to go and leave. There is less likelihood of things going badly if you have witnesses.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                            Neither.

                            1. You are under no obligation to tell the other parent where you are going with the children. So stop doing it.

                            2. Stop being so dramatic. You are in situation that isn't great but, how does calling the police help things? Or the CAS?

                            3. Your name on this site itself is quite "dramatic" as "abused dad". Yet, i have not read anything from you that would even remotely constitute "abuse" in accordance with Rule 24.(4) of the CLRA. Stop playing "victim" like this. It will only hurt your case more than it will help it.

                            Good Luck!
                            Tayken
                            Apologies that will I have been perceived as a victim..the threats that I listen to and the scenes that a mentally unstable person creates..the forced confinement that in many times I found myself in..anyways I only can blame myself from not taking an action and divorcing her long ago or even forming her due to the mental illness she has.
                            Thanks for all your advices

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by abuseddad View Post
                              Apologies that will I have been perceived as a victim..the threats that I listen to and the scenes that a mentally unstable person creates..the forced confinement that in many times I found myself in..anyways I only can blame myself from not taking an action and divorcing her long ago or even forming her due to the mental illness she has.
                              Thanks for all your advices
                              I don't buy your story to be frank. I have read it all before on this site and even have accidentally uncovered the false accusers case law... (I am sure some remember that unfortunate incident from the egg throwing blamer.)

                              http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ase-law-16809/

                              The difficulty with the term “abuse”, as it is used in affidavits filed in family law cases, is that it is used subjectively. It is an emotionally coloured term. It is not limited to describing physical violence but may be also be used to describe a range of conflicts including arguments, differences of opinion or values, or hurt feelings. For example, one partner may consider himself or herself as a good money manager while the other partner may perceive close budgeting as coercive control. One partner may consider an end-of-day inquiry about how the other spouse’s day went as an indication of love or interest while a disaffected spouse may deem the inquiry intrusive and controlling.
                              Good Luck!
                              Tayken

                              Comment

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