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  • Serene
    replied
    People are whacked.

    Dr Phil would say: you divorce a different person than you marry.

    Leave a comment:


  • dad2bandm
    replied
    Originally posted by Serene View Post
    ...
    At least with the school agenda issue no one is yelling at you...
    Well, nobody, aside from the ex. But yeah, no third-parties yelling at me.

    Leave a comment:


  • dad2bandm
    replied
    Very tiring.

    Apparently, she was not done from this morning, as I see she tried calling me at work. She left me a voicemail. The kind of voicemail, that you wonder if you should call someone about...although no direct threat is made.

    The timing of it, is right shortly after D6 would get home from school, so I'm pretty sure D6 was there, when ex was leaving this rant on my voicemail.

    Very Hostile voicemail, without any intro, she just went into it... like I was actually listening live to her.

    Apparently, she is saying, that D6 told her, more than once, that I tell D6 that "Mommy hates her". Asking what's wrong with me, and what kind of parent I am.

    - she stresses that she loves her daughter
    - she then goes onto some rant about she hopes I'm recording this message
    - she really hopes I bring it to court, so a judge can see how crazy I am
    - ranting about "Do you realize how many emails you send me, "you phsycho bitch", "you stalker" "Bring it on b!tch"
    - "Don't F with me!" (all left in voicemail to me)

    I wonder what prompted this further episode?
    - hey, at least, she acknowledged she gets my emails, or at least knows I'm sending them her way
    - perhaps there would be less emails, if she actually co-parented, and tried responding to the emails when first sent, instead of me having to followup all the time, with zero response. Some of them go weeks without any response.

    I obviously don't tell D6 anything of the sort. Perhaps, if this is even coming from D6, this has to do with the issues, that school seems to be indicating, and that I've been trying to raise with Mom? Mom seems oblivious to the stress that her behaviour is causing D6.

    Uggh.

    Leave a comment:


  • dad2bandm
    replied
    Originally posted by HappyMomma View Post
    Download Yesware. It will allow you to track whether or not she has opened an email. I don't think it would fly as evidence...
    Thanks. I currently use ReadNotify.com for this.

    If it's something more important, and I think I need to show I sent something, and I still haven't received a response, after a period of time, I make sure to send registered mail to her.

    Leave a comment:


  • dad2bandm
    replied
    Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
    You ARE recording these phone calls....right?
    Usually, yes.
    I now actually have an app on my phone, that will prompt me to record call, if I wish. If it's "ex" calling, I will record in case. Lately, it has not always prompted me though, which is unfortunate. I think it's due to a recent phone OS upgrade. I'm checking into it. Like this morning, I did not get that recording.

    Before that, if I had to answer, I tried using voice recorder, but it was too hard to be ready to use it always, or then batteries would be dead. As much as possible, I try to screen to voicemail, as she tends to leave the "crazy" voicemails, when that happens.

    I have some recordings of these calls though.
    Not sure, they will ever come into play though, because as I see Serene mentioned after, they don't seem to be very relevant or actually referenced in cases like this. I retain them though, in case.

    In the past, to try and make them more relevant or visible, I would sometimes include a voicemail recording she left me, in my email response to her.

    Something like;

    Hi (ex-name).
    I received your phone message you left me.
    (recording of voicemail attached to the email I send her).

    Then an actual response to the non-garbage part of message, she might leave me.

    ex. I understand that you need to switch days on such and such a date. That is fine with me, and I will note it on my schedule.

    ex.
    I am not in agreement with your viewpoint on this issue, so if you wish to discuss more, please email me and we can discuss further.

    Some I don't respond to at all, and simply keep recording, because it's just pure nonsense.

    Leave a comment:


  • rockscan
    replied
    Then I recommend working directly with principal on it. Some schools now have websites/web options for parents. See if theres a way to communicate directly with respect to homework and comment on progress. I think schools/teachers also have parent teacher meetings outside the usual dates to discuss progress on issues. Your daughter is only 6. Yes you need to stay on top of school issues now but the fight may happen later in age/progress. For now try to get progress updates and what you can do directly from the teacher and leave it at that. Being a gatekeeper wont serve the ex well as kid continues to struggle and fall behind.

    Leave a comment:


  • Serene
    replied
    Record for what? Honestly, I'm sick and tired of hearing these comments. In the big scheme of things the judges don't care about this crap. Trust me.

    We get the same shit - mom scribbles out stuff. Mom tears out the page (nothing to record/take pictures of when the page isn't there huh?) sometimes too....

    Judges don't care.

    We can't even enjoy the medical benefits that my husband and I each pay for because mom goes and scoops 6 months of medications she doesn't need at a time... so we have to pay out of pocket for meds for our house because our insurance has already been used (by her and with no need). What did a judge say - well all that matters is the kid gets the meds... ya, and we just paid twice for it by virtue of affording the insurance and then having to pay out of pocket.

    At least with the school agenda issue no one is yelling at you... I got a call from the pharmacist with him yelling at both my husband and I about how mad he was at us! (mad for getting a prescription, bringing it in ourselves, asking for it to be filled, paid for on our own insurance, and then picking it up ourselves... ). Makes sense huh? lol

    Leave a comment:


  • blinkandimgone
    replied
    Perhaps you can discuss with the teacher moving communication to email rather than the notebook, or copy your notes from the book to the teacher via email to ensure they received it as you have concerns about kid's progress.

    Leave a comment:


  • dad2bandm
    replied
    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
    When kid goes to school on your parenting days, is ex involved in drop off at all? I think you said kid goes back to mom and then to school?
    This is true, unfortunately.
    Our current order states that exchange times happen before and well after school times, so it's done at Mom's place. This is bad, as it feeds the gatekeeping even more. And there are other issues with exchanges on Mom's front step.

    I've asked that we utilize daycare, or school-care program, or switch the schedule to just say I will drop off/pickup on my days, directly at school, but Mom is totally against that. Of course. It will need to be court-ordered, for it to happen.

    She uses that as part of her Gatekeeping reasons too, when she rants in-person, at exchanges. "I'm the one who brings her to school...!"

    Leave a comment:


  • HappyMomma
    replied
    Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
    I actually photocopy it, using my home printer. So yes, I guess I have "evidence", though not sure anyone is actually interested in it. It's mostly for my own reference, since I don't see the booklet often, and am not sure really when to expect it next. I've mentioned to the teacher before, that if I see something when it comes to me, I will date and sign it, so she knows when I'm getting things. If I haven't date/signed it, then its not something I have seen or that has come to me.



    Yes, I do.
    I recently sent her via registered mail, some of the stuff she's been ignoring forever. (same stuff I emailed her) I've used registered mail a handful of times, to make sure I cover my butt.

    Also, given her more recent "face to face" statement "It's not my responsibility to communicate with you. I don't have to check for emails..." I wasn't sure when she'd be next checking email at all. Looks like she ignored this last one. Likely may be getting it returned. It's been waiting at the postal outlet, for a few days now. She seems to now be avoiding registered mail.
    Download Yesware. It will allow you to track whether or not she has opened an email. I don't think it would fly as evidence but you will at least know for yourself if she's seen/read an email. I use it for my ex.

    Leave a comment:


  • blinkandimgone
    replied
    You ARE recording these phone calls....right?

    Leave a comment:


  • rockscan
    replied
    When kid goes to school on your parenting days, is ex involved in drop off at all? I think you said kid goes back to mom and then to school?

    Leave a comment:


  • dad2bandm
    replied
    Originally posted by Serene View Post
    ...It is tiring...
    Very.

    Originally posted by Serene View Post
    And in yours and our case, it isn't subjective - meaning, what could be the issue with a father writing a note or two in a child's agenda about their reading ability? It makes no sense at all.
    See, and technically, it's not our child's agenda.
    It's the booklet for the parents to write their comment in, and also indicate their child's reading progression back to the teacher. I wouldn't put such a comment in our child's agenda (if I ever get to see it that is), because then our child could maybe read and understand it (our child is 6, so maybe).

    It's just ex being controlling as usual, and also taking the comment personally, because she knows, she is holding back the homework, and not doing it herself too. But, she doesn't want the teacher to realize this (though she already probably does).

    Leave a comment:


  • Serene
    replied
    I have my own rant of the week... we can't use any pharmacies in town because of my husband's ex's willful destruction. It is tiring. And in yours and our case, it isn't subjective - meaning, what could be the issue with a father writing a note or two in a child's agenda about their reading ability? It makes no sense at all.

    Leave a comment:


  • dad2bandm
    replied
    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
    ...Calling the school and trying to work directly with the teacher isnt unreasonable...
    Hi Rockscan.
    Yes, your ex sounds like they were in same boat as me.
    I already have and do contact teacher directly about things. Most things, I can try my best to circumvent Mom's gatekeeping, but I'm finding it's the homework related stuff, and D6's agenda planner, that is still an issue.

    And just trying to followup on issues, when they need to involve parents. Really, the teacher can only do so much. She's made us both aware, and after that, it's kind of like "they need to sort that out". I don't blame her, since our child is 1, out of the whole class, but... it's frustrating. Especially, when it's Mom's direct gatekeeping, that is directly affecting D6's school stuff.

    I've been trying to think if talking to the school principal about some of these issues will help, at all. The principal is excellent, but I get the feeling their hands are tied, about what they can do, when one parent wants to be totally unreasonable.

    Leave a comment:

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