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Help! He claims to have called school so I don't take him out of school tomorrow

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  • #16
    You acted appropriately with giving notice and removing your child from school.

    Your ex is acting inappropriately.

    You need to immediately move to ignoring ALL text messages (send constant "blocked" responses to his texts) and communicate via email only.
    Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.


    • #17
      I'm a bit unclear with Arabian's comment that what I did was 'unilateral'. I don't feel I changed the access as son was dropped off at school and I was the one to pick him up as of 3:45pm (we've had the same shared schedule for 2yrs now- no written agreement). In all fairness to dad, I did not simply leave school early, I went first thing in the morning to pick up child. Dad wasn't upset because he missed out on time with son. Dad was angry because he wanted son to stay with him that weekend so to not miss his hockey game. He also planned another major activity to glamor the weekend so that son would request to stay with dad.

      I would be open to giving dad the time back however, son was to be in school.


      • #18
        Ah. So plot thickens. Its your weekend, but Dad wanted it?

        Oh ignore button at the ready. And I would agree that you need only to communicate via email.


        • #19
          We often disagree with each other on this forum - if we didn't it would be pretty boring.

          You previously asked the father permission to have child miss school. You didn't receive father's agreement so you took the child out of school anyhow. You made the decision on your own - "unilaterally."

          That is what I meant.

          Sounds like you and your ex need to clear up your respective understanding of schedule - why would the father plan "another major activity" with son if it was not his weekend?


          • #20
            So was it your weekend of his to have child? Getting a Parenting Plan in place is for Childs best interest.

            Reread post it was your weekend....get use to it and don't expect ex to change.
            Last edited by good_mom; 02-17-2015, 11:35 AM.


            • #21
              X had been trying very hard to convince me that I was not a dedicated parent as my plans for the long weekend involved us visiting extended family and son missing 1 playoff game. Son was excited about our trip until he spent week with dad. Dad then informed me he no longer wanted to go and could stay with him should I decide to go anyway.

     of Friday, 3:45pm it became my 7 day week. I feel (not the first time) dad influenced son's decision to want to stay at dad's for the weekend. He told him he had 3x playoff games (when he really only had one), told him the coach would cut him from try outs next season should he miss games and told him should they lose their games this weekend, they would be done for the season. Also told son he would take him to NHL game in a box should he decide to stay with dad.

              I gave my son the true facts without trying to influence him. The coach gave us the green light to go. I did not ask dad for permission to get son out of school as I felt I did not need to (perhaps I'm wrong). I did not change access as son was to be at school on Friday. I did advise dad of my plans and dad was clear that son was to stay in school on Friday till 3:45pm (despite son missing a few days of school in the past for sports and such). The reality is... dad used to be involved in our family tradition and probably feels like I took that away from him. Very sensitive weekend for him, especially since I have a new partner and now he is the one who takes part in the tradition.


              • #22
                It sounds like there may be a misunderstanding as to when Dad's week ends. Does it end in the morning when he drops Kid off at school? (In which case Dad should have nothing to say about you picking Kid up early from school for the weekend because his time with Kid has already ended).

                Or does Dad's week end at the end of the school day when you pick up Kid at 3.45 to begin the weekend with you? (In which case Dad may have an argument as you took Kid out of school before your week had started).

                This is something you should clarify in your agreement to try and head off future disagreements - when exactly do the weeks switch over?


                • #23
                  Good point. As we don't have it written out, our understanding is that the exchange takes place after school. Its always been a grey area as school ends at 3:45pm so we've had some debate around that and 5pm with PA days ect.

                  Dad is upset because he dropped son off in the morning and I took him out as we were traveling for the long weekend. I agree, we need a written agreement. We do have emails from the past stating 3:45pm and 5pm however, its unclear.


                  • #24
                    Sounds to me like dad was trying to "punish" you because he wanted kid for the weekend. Taking much of it with a grain of salt shows that its a case of unreasonable behaviour putting the kid in the middle. Make sure your agreement calls for all this stuff for the future. Leaving early, right of refusal etc. Easy little decisions like leaving for a holiday early arent such a big deal for most parents but in divorce they become giant issues that cause nothing but fighting.


                    • #25
                      Misunderstanding and misinformation are common denominators for turmoil.

                      Yes it would be prudent to get a written agreement. Your ex probably wants a written agreement more than you do to prevent son from ending up in a 4 day/week school arrangement LOL.


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