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He only wants to communicate through my lawyer as he doesn't have one

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  • He only wants to communicate through my lawyer as he doesn't have one

    Hi

    I feel he (ex) is sinking me in legal costs. Due to his irrational and tormenting emails, I asked him not to communicate with me via email anymore. I indicated that I would communicate parenting issues with his fiancÚ and/or via a communication log book that would travel with child week on/week off.

    Communication log book never returned to our home in the first week.

    Ex wrote to my lawyer indicating that I am not to communicate through his current partner (my issues are with him and not with her) or a log book and to also, not contact him via email. He only wants to communicate via my lawyer (with this he attached a long list of items he wants replies on i.e Xmas holidays, tutoring, ect.

    I've found this to be unfair and part of his tactics to fork up the costs on my end for the legal bill as my lawyer says she has to legally respond on each matter. It's that or I don't retain her so I can answer these myself.

    I should also note that ex has refused mediation on several accounts. I'm at a lost and don't know where to turn.

  • #2
    He's pretty much got you there. You can't order someone else to respond on his behalf simply because you don't want to communicate directly with him. Leave his new partner out of it and either communicate with him directly or through your lawyer. You are the one who decided you didn't want to communicate with him, it's not his new partner's problem.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by momofonegreatboy View Post
      Hi

      I feel he (ex) is sinking me in legal costs. Due to his irrational and tormenting emails, I asked him not to communicate with me via email anymore. I indicated that I would communicate parenting issues with his fiancÚ and/or via a communication log book that would travel with child week on/week off.

      Communication log book never returned to our home in the first week.

      Ex wrote to my lawyer indicating that I am not to communicate through his current partner (my issues are with him and not with her) or a log book and to also, not contact him via email. He only wants to communicate via my lawyer (with this he attached a long list of items he wants replies on i.e Xmas holidays, tutoring, ect.

      I've found this to be unfair and part of his tactics to fork up the costs on my end for the legal bill as my lawyer says she has to legally respond on each matter. It's that or I don't retain her so I can answer these myself.

      I should also note that ex has refused mediation on several accounts. I'm at a lost and don't know where to turn.
      My daughter instructed her lawyer not to accept emails or any correspondence from her ex. Her lawyer then sent a letter to her ex informing him that he was not able to communiate with and respond to any communications unless he had been told by her to do. So communication just stopped. Your lawyer works for you and should only be responding to what you tell her to respond to.

      Comment


      • #4
        Seems like this backfired on you. You demanded no email communication and instead wanted to dictate the terms of communication (through his new partner which is never a good idea or communication book which the children could read depending on age). He in turn shot those ideas down. Many people communicate through lawyers. If he chooses to self rep that is his right.

        If you have now decided that you don't want him communicating directly with your lawyer, I suggest you have your lawyer write him stating that he must communicate via email with you and if you feel the lawyer needs to get involved you will involve them. However, not all lawyers will allow this so best to speak to your lawyer.

        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks. Is there a website out there that allows parties to communicate without having to utilize a communication log book that travels with the child?


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by momofonegreatboy View Post
            Thanks. Is there a website out there that allows parties to communicate without having to utilize a communication log book that travels with the child?


            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
            Tools to simplify shared child custody. - Our Family Wizard - child custody, parenting time

            Comment


            • #7
              Beachnana I'm going to disagree with what the lawyer did in your post. All lawyers are bound by a code of conduct. In ontario, rule 6 states that lawyers must respond to correspondence which requires a response in a reasonable amount of time. While the lawyer "works for you" they are still bound by their profession's code of conduct.

              In any event, to the OP - you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. And it came back to bite you. I also get the impression that you're stirring the pot by insisting that you deal with his new partner. And whether this is true or not, it sure gives that perception.

              You're request was rather unreasonable. What's the harm with email? You could look at the emails whenever you wanted. And respond at your leisure.

              Comment


              • #8
                You should open an email just for him so he doesn't flood your regular mail plus you can read it whenever you feel like it. In email you get track of everything and its the best source of communication. So ask him that you wanna contact via email only and stick to it. If he refuses make it clear that he will pay lawyer's fees. His excuse cannot be that you refused email first.

                Comment


                • #9
                  During the early stages of my separation I had a terrible time with ex's g/f who would incessantly email and pretend to be my ex (she still does this from time to time).

                  My ex went through a period where he changed lawyers and even one year he was self-represented.

                  In order to not have to deal with the g/f and be assured communication was actually from my ex I insisted on ex faxing me hand-written communication. This worked well and I received higher quality communication.

                  My lawyer certainly did not respond to each and every letter my ex (g/f) sent lawyer during the period of self-representation. In fact he rarely responded unless it was to put forward a court date or to send information such as tax return or a filed Order.

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                  • #10
                    Just to be clear, it's not the fact that I have asked that he no longer emails me, it's the fact that he wrote to my lawyer asking that I no longer communicate with him. My lawyer now feels she has a legal obligation ( i.e him asking her to recommend a list of mediators ect.) My lawyer is now in a position to charge me for a long list of his requests or I communicate with him directly (which got us nowhere) and not use her services anymore.


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Serene View Post
                      Beachnana I'm going to disagree with what the lawyer did in your post. All lawyers are bound by a code of conduct. In ontario, rule 6 states that lawyers must respond to correspondence which requires a response in a reasonable amount of time. While the lawyer "works for you" they are still bound by their profession's code of conduct.
                      Bypass this rule, by advising the OP that we have forwarded the last Somegadzillion emails to our client, am seeking advice from client, will let you know. Rinse, Repeat.

                      Advising your lawyer to no longer accept communications on your behalf, can work.
                      Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by momofonegreatboy View Post
                        Just to be clear, it's not the fact that I have asked that he no longer emails me, it's the fact that he wrote to my lawyer asking that I no longer communicate with him. My lawyer now feels she has a legal obligation ( i.e him asking her to recommend a list of mediators ect.) My lawyer is now in a position to charge me for a long list of his requests or I communicate with him directly (which got us nowhere) and not use her services anymore.


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                        Really, you have to stop the P*ing contests. You have one great boy to raise, with your ex-partner. And you will need to do so, with communication.
                        If your lawyer can't get that, fire the lawyer, they are most definitely not working in your best interest.

                        LF32's advice has been the best so far - Our Family Wizard.
                        Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by momofonegreatboy View Post
                          Just to be clear, it's not the fact that I have asked that he no longer emails me, it's the fact that he wrote to my lawyer asking that I no longer communicate with him. My lawyer now feels she has a legal obligation ( i.e him asking her to recommend a list of mediators ect.) My lawyer is now in a position to charge me for a long list of his requests or I communicate with him directly (which got us nowhere) and not use her services anymore.


                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                          Where is your lawyer getting that from? Your ex is not her client, you are. Tell your lawyer that you do not want her to respond to his emails on your behalf. He can email her all night and all day; she doesn't have to answer him. (Or she can forward the emails to you, and you can instruct her as to how, or even if, you would like her to answer them, although that can get expensive too).

                          However, you do need to find some way to communicate with your ex. Our Family Wizard has a good track record here.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Thanks. My lawyer has informed me numerous times that she has a legal obligation to respond to him. I'm assuming due to her code of conduct and that he doesn't have a lawyer?

                            It certainly is frustrating when I see X asking my lawyer for referrals on mediators and lawyer telling me she needs to respond.

                            I will email her this week and propose that X and I communicate via The family Wizard. Hopefully she will stay out of the line of fire and my legal bill won't be ridiculous.


                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                            • #15
                              if I was you I would have a back up plan to the family wizard. I cannot see your ex doing it when he will have to pay. The way it is now it isn't costing him money.

                              Comment

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