Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

child access

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #31
    Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
    "open and liberal access at such times as mutually agreeable"
    Please digest and follow everything HD just said. It's tremendous advice. I myself was trapped in the above quote. I agreed to generous access, which turned in to 3 hours/week .. some weeks 1 hour.

    Please remember to always be offering "mediation". Courts give 2 hours free. Legal Aid Ontario has free mediation.

    If communication is not working, offer www.ourfamilywizard.com. Offer to pay both subscriptions. Emphasize that open communication regarding the situation at hand is in the child's best interest.

    Collect the access denials and/or demands of supervision. You may require these later. I think a poster made mention of offering parenting schedules, varying access times she could choose from. Get the reasons for the denials .. will she honestly say "Im pissed that you left and the baby is too small"? If so you have a very strong case.

    My advice would be to offer a graduated schedule as HD has said. Begin with a few hours here and there. Just have to do your homework.

    If what you say is true .. that you simply couldn't live together but there was no abuse, etc... you have every right to see your child. You're on the birth certificate. Many couples split up. That doesn't give the pissed off parent the ability to be gatekeeper of access, demand supervision and the supervisor, etc. It's simply wrong.

    Remember. Keep a file of the above items mentioned. Document, document, document.

    This is not a war. This is not about blood shed in court. This is about the best interests of the child. Do everything possible to stay out of court. Mediation, settlement offers, separation agreements, exchanging parenting plans, etc.

    Only enter that courtroom if you're pushed there. If there's no other choice, as was the case in my situation. All I ever wanted was peace, settlement, to speak like reasonable adults and follow the maximum contact principle.

    You want that child in your life. You deserve that child in your life. Do what it takes to have that child in your life.
    Last edited by LovingFather32; 11-20-2014, 01:37 PM. Reason: spelling

    Comment


    • #32
      Thanks very much guys. So much good information.
      I'll start doing everything you guys advised me.
      The only thing I'm concerned is regarding the child support, If I send her the cheque she will no cash it in. I believe she does not give me her bank account number because she wants to say in the future that I never helped her.
      Do you guys know if there is any way I could have a proof that she received the cheque?

      Thanks

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by locoabreu View Post
        Thanks very much guys. So much good information.
        I'll start doing everything you guys advised me.
        The only thing I'm concerned is regarding the child support, If I send her the cheque she will no cash it in. I believe she does not give me her bank account number because she wants to say in the future that I never helped her.
        Do you guys know if there is any way I could have a proof that she received the cheque?

        Thanks
        Registered letters are tracked. So are couriers.

        Comment


        • #34
          You don't need her bank account number for any reason.

          You can send a cheque, you can send it via registered mail so she has to sign for it.

          You can also use an email money transfer, it's much easier to track. If you each have an email account and online banking, you can do this. All you need from her is her email address.

          Posters have a lot of great advice, I'd get another lawyer's opinion before you give a retainer to this one.

          Good luck!

          Comment


          • #35
            I would simply open a separate bank account and make sure you put the child support into that account each and every month. Email the mother telling her the account is set up for child support and once she gives you her banking information you will see that the money is deposited directly into her account.

            Keep a paper-trail of everything. IF need be send a double-registered letter to her (where she has to sign for letter).

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              I would simply open a separate bank account and make sure you put the child support into that account each and every month. Email the mother telling her the account is set up for child support and once she gives you her banking information you will see that the money is deposited directly into her account.

              Keep a paper-trail of everything. IF need be send a double-registered letter to her (where she has to sign for letter).
              This, or simply open a separate savings account. Get cheques for that account. Deposit the c/s in that account. Give her cheques from that account.

              Keep copies of the cheques you've provided her. Mail them to her with a cover letter advising that the cheques is for c/s for X month and that she please arrange for it to be deposited as soon as reasonably possible. Ensure you put the cheque in the mail about a week before it is due (ie. don't put December 1st cheque in the mail on December 1).

              Yeah, she may not cash the cheques. And at court she may say that you've never paid c/s. But then you pull out the copies of the letters and cheques showing that you've been attempting to pay c/s, but she has simply refused to cash them. It will throw some serious egg on the ex's face if they try to go on to the judge that you haven't paid c/s.

              Comment


              • #37
                Money orders (from your bank, or from CanadaPost), are another alternative to using cheques.

                Downside: - there is additional cost to them

                Upside: - the money is already accounted for, so you don't have to worry about ex waiting to "cash" cheques, all at once, or purposely trying to bounce your cheques

                Email money transfer is great, if you can ever get her email from her.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
                  ...
                  Make a reasonable offer to settle on Child Support and Access.
                  You can get an estimate on Child support from mysupportcalculator.ca
                  Propose an access schedule you can live with.
                  Look up offers to settle here and you can probably find some templates.
                  hat will show her you are serious.
                  Sound advice, and what you need to do at this point.

                  FYI, I was in "similar" circumstances, in some regards, when my youngest was born. Mom wouldn't allow any access to happen, unless it happened at her place, and on her time (I hadn't found these forums yet, so I was more naive). I was not to be trusted with a baby, unless ex supervised, despite my already having raised a prior child at same age.

                  Make sure you are paying child support, and make sure it's recorded as "child support".

                  Despite my paying child support to ex, and also buying some "new baby" items, and helping out with some of those expenses, and also driving jobless, car-less Mom around, on grocery errands and such (I counted it as extra access), I got hit with a small "arrears" when we went to court, because ex claimed my child support was not child support. Actually, I guess I settled on the small arrears, because we settled. If I actually fought it in court, may have got it counted as child support, but didn't want to fight with lawyer, over smaller amount.

                  Pay child support according to table.
                  Do not count on "we agree on this amount" for child support, because that doesn't count, once your ex decides to disagree, and she will.

                  Also agree. Stop paying for things; that is why you pay child support. If you get the access you want, you will need your funds to pick up your own items at your place.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    I wouldnt pay support unless she discloses income and judge orders you to pay CS.

                    I would pay her offset income based on an imputed income and as if you had 50/50 and save the rest in an account. She shouldn't get money for stealing custody and not working unless a judge orders it.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      I have joint custody and lots of access to our "accident".
                      Things happen.
                      Last edited by dad2bandm; 11-20-2014, 04:32 PM. Reason: Typo.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                        ...The important thing is getting time with the child to bond. The child will cry and the ex will likely want to use that against you. But that is what kids do. And you stay patient and parent as best you can. In time, it will all work out.
                        Adding to this, you may want to enrol yourself into some parenting classes, and such. I'm not saying you need them, but it would look favourably on you, for already doing that, if you do need to pursue court. And hey, everyone needs a little reassurance and help, with a baby.

                        When ex tries to claim you aren't capable of knowing how to handle a baby, you can respond for court "Well, I'm not sure anyone is ready for that when it happens, but I plan to do my best like any other parent, and to add to that, I am already enrolled into X parenting course(s) to help me be a good parent.

                        Back when, I had to have access to our child, at Mom's house, with her present, and on her terms, ex would insist I was not doing anything right. "She's crying because you're..." "You don't hold her like that..." "She needs to sleep now..." blah blah blah. It can put doubt in you, as a parent, but, rest assured, you are equally capable of parenting your child, as ex is.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
                          Adding to this, you may want to enrol yourself into some parenting classes, and such. I'm not saying you need them, but it would look favourably on you, for already doing that, if you do need to pursue court. And hey, everyone needs a little reassurance and help, with a baby.

                          When ex tries to claim you aren't capable of knowing how to handle a baby, you can respond for court "Well, I'm not sure anyone is ready for that when it happens, but I plan to do my best like any other parent, and to add to that, I am already enrolled into X parenting course(s) to help me be a good parent.

                          Back when, I had to have access to our child, at Mom's house, with her present, and on her terms, ex would insist I was not doing anything right. "She's crying because you're..." "You don't hold her like that..." "She needs to sleep now..." blah blah blah. It can put doubt in you, as a parent, but, rest assured, you are equally capable of parenting your child, as ex is.
                          So much this!! ^^^

                          Take a parenting course. Also, take the Red Cross infant CPR course. It may not help much, but it will sure take some of wind out the sails of their accusations that you are unable to parent as you have no parenting experience.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Originally posted by OntarioMomma View Post
                            You don't need her bank account number for any reason.

                            You can send a cheque, you can send it via registered mail so she has to sign for it.

                            You can also use an email money transfer, it's much easier to track. If you each have an email account and online banking, you can do this. All you need from her is her email address.

                            Posters have a lot of great advice, I'd get another lawyer's opinion before you give a retainer to this one.

                            Good luck!
                            Email transfer is the best method if she does not cash it, then it will expire but you will have undeniable banking proof.

                            Also, this might be important. You will need to make sure you put in some sort of clause regarding mobility. Right now,there is nothing stopping hermfrom leaving the city, province or even the country. Should she move away and this makes your ability to see the child difficult you would have an uphill battle to get her to move back.
                            Last edited by Beachnana; 11-20-2014, 05:27 PM. Reason: Spelling

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Originally posted by Beachnana View Post
                              Email transfer is the best method if she does not cash it, then it will expire but you will have undeniable banking proof.

                              Also, this might be important. You will need to make sure you put in some sort of clause regarding mobility. Right now,there is nothing stopping hermfrom leaving the city, province or even the country. Should she move away and this makes your ability to see the child difficult you would have an uphill battle to get her to move back.
                              8. I do not have her email.
                              While a great idea, not having her email kinda sinks it.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Sorry missed that.

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X