Another Mobility Issue - Help

[KEEPITREAL13]

Hey everyone thanks for this great site.

Need some advice, with in my heart I have a feeling we have nothing left to do.

In a nutshell:

- Husband left (2) kids in 2009, separated, followed sep agreement and divorced moved to GTA; kids were in GTA of 30kms away; joint custody he every other weekend and 1 weeknight overnightt
- She had a house paid for but then moved out; moved to the most expensive part of town and now she has no money, no job, so wants to move
- trying to speak normally to her she blames the past for him leaving her 5 years ago
- he pays child support tables - but for some reason she think he makes more?
- 5 years later kids now (13) and (10) X wants to move 150 kms away up north
- she 5 years and still refuses to work and decided shes moving away for her happiness and the kids since he has missed all the kids things and he has not contributed to their lives
- X wants to move 150 kms away with no car and refuses to put a new access schedule as requested; instead insists on how horrible father he is and his contributions have been for 5 years so it doesn't matter and she will do what makes her happy and won't talk unless they sit down
- She truly believes that his current access to the kids means nothing
- She has been brain washing the kids saying if we move north you can do so much more but not see daddy anymore
- He wants to see his kids, he is a executive with a very time consuming job, and as such as requested a schedule of access in which she won't grant
- we sent a email saying we don't consent, and see lost her S** saying all the things you can imagine.

What is the best way to resolve this behaviour ?

[standing on the sidelines]

for the cs do they exchange tax returns every year?

We sent an email saying we don't consent? I hope you mean that he did that on his own. Not up to you (new partner I assume) to consent to anything.

How do the kids feel about moving?

If his job is so time consuming then what change in access is he wanting?

She wont talk unless they sit down so why wont he? Sounds like the place to start. If it goes off topic then he can get up and leave.

[KEEPITREAL13]

She won't provide her tax return
He sent the email (not me the wife)
The older one doesn't want to but he said he has no choice and the younger one can't wait to hike, ski, canoe all the things she can't do in the city! Oh ya..you have to go to school.
We are not trying to be difficult, but she is taking charge like she is sole custody.
He wants to have the same access, but she will move 150 kms away which makes it impossible for weeknight overnights.
She pleads the you left me for the other woman stuff etc...I guess they can try but we want things in writing.

[standing on the sidelines]

She won't provide her tax return
He sent the email (not me the wife)
The older one doesn't want to but he said he has no choice and the younger one can't wait to hike, ski, canoe all the things she can't do in the city! Oh ya..you have to go to school.
We are not trying to be difficult, but she is taking charge like she is sole custody.
He wants to have the same access, but she will move 150 kms away which makes it impossible for weeknight overnights.
She pleads the you left me for the other woman stuff etc...I guess they can try but we want things in writing.

does he provide his tax returns? The 13 year old has a bit more say in where he goes, if it ends up in court.

Will he accept more time in the summer, march break etc in place of the mid-week overnight?

If he did cheat on her, then try to be a bit more understanding of her feelings (especially if you were the other woman) Also realize that you will never hear the whole truth from him, its human nature not to say stuff that make ourselves look bad.

Get him to meet her and later he can have a lawyer write up what they agreed to in a formal offer.

[Once.is.enough]

you could request reduced cs to cover the increase in access costs.

[HammerDad]

First send a registered letter stating you don't consent to the relocation of the children. An email is OK, but a registered letter is substantially better.

From there request mediation and if worst comes to worst, file a motion in court to prevent the relocation of the kids. If the ex wants to move, they will have to make some concessions like:

1. they should have to transport the kids the extra distance; or
2. accept reduced c/s to compensate the parent who now has to travel the extra distance to pick up the kids for their parenting time; and
3. make up any parenting time lost during the mid-week with extra time during the summer/march break/Christmas Break.

[Links17]

if he wants to prevent the move. He needs to prove the move is in BAD faith or reckless. The best way to prove that is for her to admit it (get her to admit it by email):

i.e: moving because you don't matter, moving to get kids away from you etc.

She needs to prove (not exactly) it is in the children's best interest to move them, since she is a custodial parent her best interests matter. Generally though she needs to be moving for family support, a secure financial provider or a set job.

If she is moving to smaller city it isn't likely to be viewed as better for her finances so it might be shot down.

The problem is the ex is an access parent, they don't care about access parents. As far as they are concerned she is the parent and HE is a visitor. If they were in shared residency they would tell her to go move and kids would stay in their locale.

If she offers the equivalent time they will look well on this.

[stripes]

I have a slightly different view. 150 km isn't that much (less than 1.5 hour travel time, depending on travel conditions). Where I live, people often commute that far once a week for work. There's no reason moving 150 km means the kids can't see their father any more. If dad has EOW, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to make the drive twice a month, even if mom doesn't have car. The weekday overnights are trickier, but he might be able to negotiate more holiday time in exchange. There may well be advantages for the kids in living in a smaller, less expensive community.

In short, I don't think dad can stop mom from moving but I don't see why this move would mean he loses access to the kids. It may be inconvenient for him, but that's life.

If the OP is the "other woman", it would be wise for her to stay out of this and let dad and mom work it out on their own.

[HammerDad]

In short, I don't think dad can stop mom from moving but I don't see why this move would mean he loses access to the kids. It may be inconvenient for him, but that's life.

If the OP is the "other woman", it would be wise for her to stay out of this and let dad and mom work it out on their own.

I am quite certain that dad can stop the move. 150km is 1.5 hours or more. If there was any mid-week parenting time, how is the parent supposed to exercise it?

Further, the move has to be in the best interests of the child. It can't simply be because she thinks it is better, it has to have tangible benefits for the child. The ex will have to prove this. The OP will have provide evidence why it is in the child's best interest to stay.

I am one of those people that commute close to 1.5 hours for work. If I had to tack on another 1.5 hours to pick up my kid, I wouldn't be getting to her until about 8pm....which means I'd get to see my kid for about 30 minutes before she has to go to bed....

[KEEPITREAL13]

Thanks everyone.

The distant is too far for us it would take us at least 2 hours one way from where we live and battling the major traffic. So mid-week overnights visits are gone.
She also does not own a car so she can't even drop them off to us for the week-end.
We could do the week-end but we want her to contribute as she is the one leaving. The kids have been living in an urban home their entire lives and now she is moving them to an extreme rural area.

[KEEPITREAL13]

Also I am the OP - and we have been married for 4 years and together for 8.
I am staying out of it with her and him. Just trying to support him with some knowledge as he doesn't want to lose his visits.
I am wanting what's best for the kids. And the dad in their lives especially the teenage boy entering puberty is important.

[standing on the sidelines]

so he split with his ex in 2009 and you have been with him for 8 years?? So he was cheating on his wife with you then?

[KEEPITREAL13]

No. He was finally divorced. He left he...we got together and then
married. At any rate this discussion is about her taking off with kids not about
their marriage which has been over for 8 years. Can we stay on point pls.

[standing on the sidelines]

Hey everyone thanks for this great site.

Need some advice, with in my heart I have a feeling we have nothing left to do.

In a nutshell:

- Husband left (2) kids in 2009, separated, followed sep agreement and divorced moved to GTA; kids were in GTA of 30kms away; joint custody he every other weekend and 1 weeknight overnightt
- She had a house paid for but then moved out; moved to the most expensive part of town and now she has no money, no job, so wants to move
- trying to speak normally to her she blames the past for him leaving her 5 years ago
- he pays child support tables - but for some reason she think he makes more?
- 5 years later kids now (13) and (10) X wants to move 150 kms away up north
- she 5 years and still refuses to work and decided shes moving away for her happiness and the kids since he has missed all the kids things and he has not contributed to their lives
- X wants to move 150 kms away with no car and refuses to put a new access schedule as requested; instead insists on how horrible father he is and his contributions have been for 5 years so it doesn't matter and she will do what makes her happy and won't talk unless they sit down
- She truly believes that his current access to the kids means nothing
- She has been brain washing the kids saying if we move north you can do so much more but not see daddy anymore
- He wants to see his kids, he is a executive with a very time consuming job, and as such as requested a schedule of access in which she won't grant
- we sent a email saying we don't consent, and see lost her S** saying all the things you can imagine.

What is the best way to resolve this behaviour ?

this seems to contradict what you are saying about the timeline for when you got with him versus when he left his wife. Just pointing out inconsistences in your story. You say you have been with him for 8 years and married for 4.

if he already has a schedule for access then it should be followed unless its changed. He can request more time in summer or whatever.

[arabian]

My ex's g/f probably would say that she was with my ex for years before we were separated/divorced.

Integrity and credibility (or lack of) matters to some.

Often the "brainwashing" is what is told to the new partner.

Do yourself a favor and stay out of the matter.