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  • 6 months of no visits.

    So. dad has by his own choice and reasons not actually exercised any parenting time with son 2 1/2 years old for the past 6 months. He wanted to take son in March back to his city for an undisclosed period of time. but that was not agreed upon and Mom expressed her concern regarding the period of time not being specified and only a one way ticket being purchased, plus Dad had not seen child for 3 months at that time. She suggested some weekend visits to re establish parent child bonding and ultimately said she would not agree to his plan until he had established some parenting time with hismson. The agreements states the child will reside with Mother and Dad can visit when ever he wants. He chooses not to visit. Now,he has come back and said he wants to take son for 3 weeks. At that point, apart from a weekly Skype chat he has not,physically seen son for 6 months. Again Mom has stated that Dad needs to graduate visits with son and removing him from his familiar surroundings would not be in his best interest. Is she wrong?

    Mom has asked that he come and visit son on many occasion and he has the funds provided to do so. He just says he does not want to come to her city and he wants his son in his,own home with his new family,and thats the only way he will visit.

  • #2
    considering the father hasn't seen his son for so long by his choice then I don't think she is wrong.

    My gut instinct tells me if the child goes to the fathers for three weeks it will end horribly. Either the child will be upset at being apart from his mother for three weeks to be with someone who hasn't taken an active part in his life or the father will not return the child.

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    • #3
      This bothers me given id give my left testicle for any access time I could get my hands on.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
        This bothers me given id give my left testicle for any access time I could get my hands on.
        Same here. Some people just don't appreciate the important things in life.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
          considering the father hasn't seen his son for so long by his choice then I don't think she is wrong.

          My gut instinct tells me if the child goes to the fathers for three weeks it will end horribly. Either the child will be upset at being apart from his mother for three weeks to be with someone who hasn't taken an active part in his life or the father will not return the child.
          I agree. I think she's absolutely in her rights to request he spend some time with his son in his comfortable zone for some shorter periods of time before sending him to a new city for a few weeks.
          And if I recall, this is a fairly young child right?
          The one way ticket really, really concerns me, I would never agree to that.

          Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

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          • #6
            Originally posted by OntarioMomma View Post
            I agree. I think she's absolutely in her rights to request he spend some time with his son in his comfortable zone for some shorter periods of time before sending him to a new city for a few weeks.
            And if I recall, this is a fairly young child right?
            The one way ticket really, really concerns me, I would never agree to that.

            Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk
            2 and a half and the father hasn't had personal contact for the last 6 months.

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            • #7
              Yes, young child. Visits were all her effort last year. She travelled down to Dads city each time and each time he was supposed to come to visit in the city she resides in he had some excuse and just never came. Now he is screaming denied visits and threatens contempt motions. She has held her ground and suggested he visit frequently for shorter periods and graduate the length as son becomes more familar with the concept of aways with Dad and has reach an age where he can cope with the separation.

              Its the old vague "reasonable consent" phrase that seem like a good idea at the time and certainly get the agreement signed, but now lawyers will argue what the phrase actually means and $$$$ later! In the meantime he refuses to come visit only to pick up and take for a long period of time. Frustrating and yes it must be maddeneing for those parents who would love to be able to visit when ever, but are prevented.

              Forum helps with lots of good information, but most cases seem to be where both parents reside in fairly close proximity. That is not the case here, somfurther complications.

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              • #8
                I have an ex who lives a fair bit of distance away. And I've requested that he spend time in our city before he take the kids away. They need to be comfortable with him and get to know him first.
                I've dealt with lots of screaming and threats.
                Guys like that are only looking for their own convenience and don't care about the kids comfort levels or about them feeling safe.
                She needs to stick to her guns.
                As long as she's being reasonable in her requests (sounds like she is) and offering options for his access, I think she's perfectly within her right to do what she's doing.
                6 months in the life of a 2.5 year old is significant.

                Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

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                • #9
                  How does he do short visits if he has to fly there. Sounds like the visits required to integrate the father and child again are not feasible. I mean really, does he fly there every friday night for dinner?

                  When your child goes to a new daycare provider - how many integration visits do you do and for how long before you leave the child there for the day.

                  In my opinion if YOU cannot follow the agreement/order then the onus is on you to change it.

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                  • #10
                    She does follow the agreement. He actually wrote this particular section and he is the one who will not follow it. He has the funds to travel, plenty from reduced CS and prefers not to spend any money.

                    She has not suggested he just come for Friday dinner, but come on regular visits for weekends and that she would also come to his city for visits. He has declined that option. 6 months has passed and now he wants a long extended visit. It would not be good for a 2 1/2 year old to be plucked from his home. And with no specified timeline,and a 1 way air ticket.

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                    • #11
                      What is the wording surrounding access in the agreement?

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Serene View Post
                        How does he do short visits if he has to fly there. Sounds like the visits required to integrate the father and child again are not feasible. I mean really, does he fly there every friday night for dinner?

                        When your child goes to a new daycare provider - how many integration visits do you do and for how long before you leave the child there for the day.

                        In my opinion if YOU cannot follow the agreement/order then the onus is on you to change it.
                        where did the op say that the agreement wasn't being followed? He gets reduced CS to make up for his travel costs. He doesn't travel to see the child so in all fairness he should be paying full CS. He wants to take the young child away from his mother and the only real home the child has known for three weeks straight? Would you allow that yourself? Especially given his track record for seeing the child? Unless the mother took the child to see him, he couldn't be bothered. So then that is more money out of her pocket and he is the one who benefits all the way around. Reduced CS for travel but someone else travels to bring the child to him.

                        To the OP, your daughter is right on the mark with this one. Not many NCPs would let a chance to see their child slip by and not many CPs would let their very young child go off for three weeks with a parent who is basically a stranger, especially on a one way ticket.

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                        • #13
                          Note my choice of words - *if* and *you*. No accusations were made.

                          Clearly we don't have all the information.

                          I'd be interested in knowing what this payor's CS was reduced by. I am finding difficulty imagining it was reduced enough to support frequent visits and airfare. Its possible for sure... but if he isn't coming them mom should be seeking to restore full CS? Why would she incur additional expenses to bring the child to him AND agree to reduced CS to offset his travel to access that he doesn't exercise? At a quick glance, there is missing info to this situation.

                          In any event, I am not of the opinion that 3 weeks is a good idea either. I am curious though what would be an appropriate integration schedule for access... what is the mom's thoughts on that?

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                          • #14
                            The amount CS was reduced by 45% and was enough for monthly visits to the city where child resides. Therein lies the problem, as with many agreements. The wording vague and left open to mutual agreement and communication between the parties. Something the Father assured all he was going to do. But of course his only communication has been argumentive at its best.

                            He only used a small amount last year as he refused to come to visit and relied on her visits, which, yes he did pay for, but also she had some work related trips which he took advantage off. So only the 5 extended visits were arranged and done by her. she used all her leave up ro ensure child visited Dad. He used none, even when child was visiting. Now child reached age of 2 he has to have a full flight ticket, so in their negotiations they had verbally agreed that more visits would take place where the child resides. She would travel down 2 times per year to facilate visits to extended family. 6 months has now passed and he has made no attempt to come and visit. She has asked when he was coming and the importance of coming but he just ignored her emails and any talk of visits.

                            She has suggested monthly visits of 3/4 days over the course of the 2014 year with herself going down for a week inmthe summer and a week in the fall so child can visit extended family. He has ignored this. He wants child for a month at a time when he wants it.

                            Oh by the way he is way behind on child support so no point in worry about that.

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                            • #15
                              Child support and access are not interconnected in the eyes of the court.

                              I encourage you to consider your stance of 3 or 4 days for each access visit over the course of a full calendar year. What makes 3 days or 4 days the magic number? Why is that in the child's best interest and not 2 or 5 or 6? An entire year of visits of 3 or 4 days seems, at least to me, an awfully long integration especially if it's not increased in days over the course of the year....there needs to be a starting point and not a year's worth of the same 3 or 4 day schedule. That just isn't fair to child or dad.

                              Comment

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