Access

[Tryingsohard]

Every time there is an out of town sport tournament during my access weekend, my ex unilaterally decides that she is not allowing me to take the child.

Keep in mind that this is a high conflict ex and is constantly coming between me and my kids.

What are my options? File a Contempt motion? File a motion to change in order to specify that I will take kids if it falls during my access? I feel entitled to share in this experience with my kids.

[paris]

If your order says you have the kids that weekend, then you have the kids that weekend. Pick them up and take them to the tournament. You shouldn't have to change the order you have.

I looked at your other posts. Paying 70% of the fee for the sport should give you some kind of privilege.

Do you attend the tournaments when it's your weekend but your ex takes them to the tournament?

[Tryingsohard]

Easier said than done, this is a cross-border tournament requiring a passport!

[Tryingsohard]

I have attended tournaments more recently however when they were younger she would have the kids call me stating their mother would not let them play should I attend. I never wanted to put my kids in the middle so I didn't go.

These tournaments are expensive so I'm willing to take the hit if my kids are with me!

[Qrious]

She can't do that. I think I would start with a formal letter (send registered mail) letting her know that you object to what she is doing, that she is violating a court order (assuming your agreement is in an order), and that if she continues to deny access to your children as per the order/agreement, you will seek legal recourse.

Use quotes from original agreement/order to remind her of your agreed to access.

As for the next tournament, send her an email informing her of when and where you will pick the child(ren) up, that you require their passports as well, and when you expect to return them. Also that you will bring a Travel Consent letter with you for her to sign, giving consent for you to cross the border with the children.

Since she's not going to be agreeable and reasonable, Don't ask her if you can pick them up or take them to the tournaments, tell her what the arrangements are for your weekend with your kids.

Oh - and kudos to you for wanting to take your kids to their sporting events - even if it costs you money. Sports are great for kids and are a great way to spend fun time with your kids.

[Tryingsohard]

Thank you for the suggestions however we are dealing with a high conflict person. I am looking for the remedy to the problem.

[Qrious]

Thank you for the suggestions however we are dealing with a high conflict person. I am looking for the remedy to the problem.

.... um... Ok. I thought I was trying to help you remedy the problem, as was everyone else.

If you want us to just say take her to court, then, alright. Take her to court.

Good luck.

[Tryingsohard]

I apologize if you took my comment the wrong way however those are steps I can take to document the incidents however she will tell the kids they are not coming. I can send letters and sit in front of the house and she will not let them come or provide the required documentation.
I am not looking to be told take her to court, I know that option is there. I wAs looking for insights in regards to this being a contempt or a change motion. Or do I just bite my tongue and allow her to dictate access and deny me this experience?

[Qrious]

If you want to change the access order, then you would file a Motion to Change. If you want the original order enforced, then go the contempt route to get her attention. I hope you have solid documented proof that she is in contempt, though....

No way should she be dictating the access if you have the access agreement spelled out and put in an order. Don't bite your tongue and don't miss the experience with your kids. No way.

Someone else may have a better idea.....

[Mess]

She is unilaterally denying you access on your court ordered weekends.

You can't get a court order to force her to be a better person. You can try to get a contempt order but this won't make her a better person either.

My advice would be to seek an order changing the pickup from her house, to you picking up at the school on Friday afternoon, and dropping off at the school on Monday morning.

Reasons for justifying the change are those you have given. You will explain that you do not expect the ex to adhere to any future order since she is not adhering to the present one. The change in pickup is the most certain option to end the conflict without causing any conflict to be passed on to the children; a change in pick up times means you will no longer be dependant on the other party's goodwill and co-operation in order to enjoy time with your children.

I would word it exactly that way.

[Qrious]

Perfect, Mess! Great advice, once again.

[Tryingsohard]

I have emails stating, this tournament is during your time but I will be taking them. You can have them another weekend and me stating no, hotel is booked, I only need passports. This has occurred on three different occasions. Is this evidence enough?

[Tryingsohard]

My access times are from Thursdays to Mondays every second weekend and the pick up and drop offs occur at the school. She tells them that they won't be coming with me and my kids are pre-teen and teen. I will not put my kids in the middle by telling them they have to come with me and have him miss his tournament.

Remember, we are not dealing with a cooperative parent, she will do everything in her power to come between me and my children.
I feel that contempt is the only way to go but I fits a waste then why bother. A bit at a loss.

[Mess]

My access times are from Thursdays to Mondays every second weekend and the pick up and drop offs occur at the school. She tells them that they won't be coming with me and my kids are pre-teen and teen. I will not put my kids in the middle by telling them they have to come with me and have him miss his tournament.

Remember, we are not dealing with a cooperative parent, she will do everything in her power to come between me and my children.
I feel that contempt is the only way to go but I fits a waste then why bother. A bit at a loss.

You would not be putting them in the middle. Get that out of your head.

She is putting them in the middle. By correcting your children's misunderstanding you are taking them out of the middle.

I have raised two kids through a divorce. There are times you have to set boundaries, and times you have to speak to the children about what is going on, especially regarding something so simple as a pickup time.

If you have them Thursday night, how the hell is she telling them she will be picking them up Friday? And why aren't you going to the school and getting them anyway?

If you behaving as you say, you are creating the conflict just as much as she is by AVOIDING, and it sounds like you are using the kids as an excuse to be passive. Sorry, but that is how it comes across.

If you can't assert yourself in a situation like this, the courts aren't going to be of any help.

[FWB]

Perfect, Mess!

A bit of an oxymoron innit?

My advice would be to seek an order changing the pickup from her house, to you picking up at the school on Friday afternoon, and dropping off at the school on Monday morning.

This Gold/platinum advice....and should be standard operating procedures (SOPs) for all exchanges