14 days

[ringettteplayer]

Hi my kids dad has not seen or attempted to see our children in 2.5 months.
He now has asked for them for 14 days over Xmas.
I will agree but want them home for Xmas eve until 12noon Xmas day then he can have them back for the remainder of the days he has requested.
Does that sound fair? The kids do not want to go, but they will even though they don't like it there.
What do I do if he doesn't return the children to me Xmas eve? How do I go about that?
He will not offer me his proper address or phone number where the children will be when they are with him.
Obviously I feel a safety concern but what legal option do I have
No parenting orders no custody order.
No parenting plan either.

[shellshocked22]

I don't know what your "legal" rights are but for what it's worth, my personal thoughts on your questions....

-I think you're being quite fair including Xmas eve and till noon on Xmas Day at your place - I suspect the children would prefer that since they are with you most of the time.

-If even for emergency contact reasons, I see nothing wrong - and indeed would expect it - for you to have his address and phone number should you need to reach the children for some reason.

-I suspect easier said than done, but for everyone's benefit, try to get some kind of child access agreement documented and in place.

-

[Janibel]

Hi my kids dad has not seen or attempted to see our children in 2.5 months.

And the reason for that is? Was he off working? what's the usual arrangement?

He now has asked for them for 14 days over Xmas.
I will agree but want them home for Xmas eve until 12noon Xmas day then he can have them back for the remainder of the days he has requested.
Does that sound fair? The kids do not want to go, but they will even though they don't like it there.

Absolutely, they should spend time with their father.

What do I do if he doesn't return the children to me Xmas eve? How do I go about that?

You are f'ed since you can't contact him.
He will not offer me his proper address or phone number where the children will be when they are with him.

For me, that would be a deal breaker right there ....No way nohow!!

Obviously I feel a safety concern but what legal option do I have
No parenting orders no custody order.
No parenting plan either

You say that you have safety concerns, then why haven't custody issues been taken care of legally at least in the interim?

[ringettteplayer]

Hi thanks janibel
He only calls when he wants to see them whenever their is no schedule!

Reason for no interim order? He has requested to adjourn court 9 times.

Thanks Shellshocked for your reply as well much appreciated!

[Janibel]

Hi thanks janibel
He only calls when he wants to see them whenever their is no schedule!

I don't understand why your lawyer has not obtained an interim order in regards to custody issues? Nothing at all? no separation agreement?

[ringettteplayer]

I'm not sure how everything works. I have made the application for custody and cs and ss and divorce lol
He has never presented or made a parenting order or custody order therefore that means he is ok with the present arrangement therefore there is no need (from what I understand) to have an interim order
I could be way off...... I am nor do I claim to be any sort of an expert!

[Beachnana]

If you have legal counsel surely they could suggest a course of action to ensure that legally the children are to be returned to your care. Regardless of him only wanting to see the children when he feels like it and seems okay with no order what so ever. I would want a interim order, which I am sure you could go to the court and get before they go and stay with Dad. I believe, and i am sure there are those on the forum, who will either verify or correct me. You both have joint custody of the children so he is quite within his rights to keep them, until a court order is settled.

What if you said you want Dad to pick up from your house and you picked them up from his and returned them after your time with them? You have a right to know the address and phone number where the children will be staying. If he will not give it to you I would be wary of letting them go. He knows where you live so he should let you know where he is staying. No judgement of accommodations just you should know as a parent, much the same and he should know where they live when with you.

But without the home address the order will do you no good if you do not know where there are. It would make it hard to give the children a positive attitude to staying with Dad. I have been learning that it takes two to make a good parenting relationship. Thanks you all those straight shooters on the forum!

[arabian]

Hey ringette - didn't you go through the same thing this time last year? I thought you had documentation all lined up? Are you trying to do this in Alberta or Ontario? If it's Alberta your lawyer can request same judge.

[ringettteplayer]

Hey Arabian
Lol I probably did go thru this last year! I'm not too concerned about this ongoing suit I'm just concerned about what happens if he doesn't return them? I was advised to get complete contact information and was just wondering if I was seeming fair/ generous with regards to Xmas and what/how do I approach it when he doesn't return them....
I'm sure I can get the legal expensive response tomorrow I was just curious if anyone had suggestions or advice with that? And if I seem generous and fair?!

[standing on the sidelines]

yep you are.

[Qrious]

Even though we had an access arrangement for Christmas in place, access hasn't gone as arranged.

Christmas before last, I was asked if X could pick S up on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning at 11:00. (My family's main celebration takes place Christmas Eve instead of Christmas Day and that was my year to have S on Christmas Eve/Morning). I agreed to a 9:00 pm pickup, thinking much of the evening would be over by then and it seemed to be so important to X. Instead, X showed up at 6:00 and I let him go to avoid an issue.

Last year, I asked to have Christmas Eve since I and my family missed out the year before. X agreed and said he would bring S over around 4:30 p.m. Guess what time he dropped S off? 10:20 p.m. Most of the family had already left by that time, so he missed seeing a lot of family (family he doesn't see that often because we don't live in the same towns) and missed Christmas Eve with me and my family. Again.

So.. two years in a row, there was nothing I could do. This year, I plan to do the pickup myself on Christmas Eve instead of X dropping off. X can pickup on the other end. Cross your fingers.

You could try being in control of the pickup. You have every right to know where your child will be. I wouldn't let child go until you know. Maybe even offer to do the drop off too?

[ringettteplayer]

Ya as usual he responded with a big

"unacceptable"

He didn't like/care for my suggestion

As for address and phone number he is unable to provide that for me.

What do I do now?

What's a judge going to say when I say "well then I guess they stay home with me??!!"

[Janibel]

Ya as usual he responded with a big

"unacceptable"

He didn't like/care for my suggestion

As for address and phone number he is unable to provide that for me.

What do I do now?

What's a judge going to say when I say "well then I guess they stay home with me??!!"

A better question would be :''what will the judge say about your Ex refusing to provide an address and a phone number for you. It's every parent's right to know where their children are''.
What you should do is ignore your Ex's unacceptable behavior.

[arabian]

I'm thinking she'll do what she did last year.

She will go with what he wants to simply please everyone at Christmastime. It is what all good wives/mothers do. Keep the peace right?

Sadly she will probably do the same next year.

[Beachnana]

Just because it Christmas it does not mean you "please" everyone and have your rights as a parent disregarded.

You should know where the children will be staying regardless of the time of year. It does not matter if they are staying at a relatives house, or a friends house and all bunking out in the rec. room together you should know and it should be a "deal breaker"!