Voicemail

[dad2bandm]

...She basically ran out of your house into some new guy's house and put your children's emotionally stability in jeopardy by doing so...

That is how I viewed the situation as well. I wish splitting parents would stop doing this. How anyone can think of that as a "good idea", is beyond me, but people keep doing it.

[Links17]

That is how I viewed the situation as well. I wish splitting parents would stop doing this. How anyone can think of that as a "good idea", is beyond me, but people keep doing it.

The problem is the courts don't want to consider this as a predictor of parenting ability because it infringes on people's freedom unless it becomes a repetitive issue.

[Rioe]

Just be glad that the new guy waited until after your separation agreement was signed to dump her!

If she wants to come to you for help, all you should do is offer to take the kids for extra time. Assure her that you understand that this is temporary until she finds a new place (hopefully back near her job and the kid's school) and then the shared custody will resume. Other than that, she should be on her own. No matter what lingering sympathy you may have, don't offer more help than that.

Your kids have you, and stability, in their lives. That will help them deal with the instability they have elsewhere. Try not to get too stressed about it. Remember, the worst case scenario you imagined before was that she was pregnant!

[firhill]

Just be glad that the new guy waited until after your separation agreement was signed to dump her!

If she wants to come to you for help, all you should do is offer to take the kids for extra time. Assure her that you understand that this is temporary until she finds a new place

I hate to sound callous but my response to this would be..."so what?"


You're divorced. Her life is her problem now. You need to worry about how to manage the kids because it sounds like there's a strong possibility that she won't be able to manage the current access schedule.

This, this, this & this.

Oh yeah...and karma really is a bitch.

[FB_]

I hate to sound callous but my response to this would be..."so what?" Think about it, is this news really surprising?

I remember seeing the condition of your house and there's no way any rational man would put up with mess and drama and someone else's kids for very long. She's also been off her meds before. She acts like a little kid and can't take care of herself. She basically ran out of your house into some new guy's house and put your children's emotionally stability in jeopardy by doing so.

I can guarantee you that now she'll be looking for someone else to bail her out of her crap. She needs constant rescuing and wants to use you by making you feel sorry for her and drag you back into her nonsense.

Your role here is to care for your children. The only thing I would do is get ready to take the kids more time than you have them now....potentially full-time. I wouldn't contact her at all. I'd just wait it out. When she does contact you by email with her sob story. Simply tell her that if she can't uphold her end of your parenting agreement then you both can have it amended so that you can take the children more. I wouldn't discuss her personal life with her...that's her problem. You didn't create the problem....you didn't tell her to move to Orangeville...you certainly didn't tell her to drag your kids over there. She's responsible for her own life. Don't forget her actions..ie, bringing her bf over to your house while you were still living there, trashing your house when she moved out, harrassing you during your in-home separation. Do you want to deal with that all over again?

You're divorced. Her life is her problem now. You need to worry about how to manage the kids because it sounds like there's a strong possibility that she won't be able to manage the current access schedule. Frankly, her stability is questionable anyway...I'm not sure the kids should even be with her while she's on and off her meds.

I did now this day was going to come, it's just a lot sooner than I thought. I will be there for the kids as I have been the whole time. I did everything I could to make sure that my side of the kids lives was as stable, normal, and routine as possible. I have done that very well IMO.

PH your advice to me, and others, in the past here has been spot on. The only reason I am stressed is for my kids not for her. They had very strong emotional bonds with his kids and I know they are going to be sad. I have never asked questions about the other house but I will engage in conversation they start.

Last night she called and talked to the kids. She then called back and my son answered the phone. I could hear him keep saying. Mommy what's wrong... over and over again. He eventually hung up and said that I really need to call her. She then called again about 30 minutes later when the kids were in bed. I let the phone go to voicemail. My son heard that phone and told me that it was mommy and I should talk to her. I just told him that daddy was busy when the phone rang and I couldn't answer it. I then went turned off all the phones.

Many of you on here are very pro shared parenting and so am I, but honestly I have to wonder how any of this is in the best interest of my children. It's like picking the lesser of two evils. A crazy mom playing with their minds 50/50 vs. Seeking something such as EOW for them.

If she does ask me to take the kids more the answer will be of course. I do not however think that would be in her plans.

So I am stressed but I have known and know that this is not the end nor the last time something is going to happen.

Anyway thank you all for your advice and thoughts.

[FB_]

Just be glad that the new guy waited until after your separation agreement was signed to dump her!

If she wants to come to you for help, all you should do is offer to take the kids for extra time. Assure her that you understand that this is temporary until she finds a new place (hopefully back near her job and the kid's school) and then the shared custody will resume. Other than that, she should be on her own. No matter what lingering sympathy you may have, don't offer more help than that.

Your kids have you, and stability, in their lives. That will help them deal with the instability they have elsewhere. Try not to get too stressed about it. Remember, the worst case scenario you imagined before was that she was pregnant!

I try very hard to provide as a stable an environment as I can.

The kids and I will have a week together on Vacation in 2 1/2 weeks with my dad. Although they may be coming home from that trip to a new house.

[HammerDad]

You nip this in the bud by sending an email to her stating what you have been told by the neighbour. But put out a caveat that you may not be 100% accurate, given the info came through a 3rd party, so if you are incorrect on any details, you apologize. State that should she need your assistance with the kids, you will do everything you can to accommodate.

That may initiate a response via email, as the cat is essentially out of the bag.

[Rioe]

You nip this in the bud by sending an email to her stating what you have been told by the neighbour. But put out a caveat that you may not be 100% accurate, given the info came through a 3rd party, so if you are incorrect on any details, you apologize. State that should she need your assistance with the kids, you will do everything you can to accommodate.

That may initiate a response via email, as the cat is essentially out of the bag.

Yeah, it might be time to do something proactive, instead of holding out for her to break down and initiate the email. If she's sobbing on the phone to the children, they should not be her support system. Nor should you, however. The new guy fell through, so now she's going to try to fall back on the previous guy, and not understand that that ship sailed without her.

However, would it be completely impossible for you to try to help the children maintain their friendships with the ex-boyfriend's kids? On your time of course, so your ex is not involved.

[Pursuinghappiness]

So I am stressed but I have known and know that this is not the end nor the last time something is going to happen.

This is really the root of the issue. Your ex is bi-polar and her disease mirrors her lifestyle and the lifestyle that she passes on to the children when they're with her.

A lot of high highs and a lot of low lows. This will be just one instance in a series of instances that will be her life. And you have to figure out a measured response that you'll repeat each time and that doesn't involve you getting involved in rescuing her from whatever current disaster she's going through.

You would simply be used and subsequently disregarded as she starts the pattern again.

And unfortunately she'll use the children through the whole process. Like when she was trying to use the children to extort money from you for McDonalds or whatever else she wanted.

I have similar issues with my ex who uses my kid to get to me.

You have to simply ignore it...eventually the kids will stop wanting to be around her and they'll have to grow a thick skin because she's going to go through a lot of men in life and will not use sound judgement with who she brings the kids around. You have to understand that there aren't many men who are going to put up with her longterm and she's needy and will constantly be looking for the next guy.

Last night she called and talked to the kids. She then called back and my son answered the phone. I could hear him keep saying. Mommy what's wrong... over and over again. He eventually hung up and said that I really need to call her. She then called again about 30 minutes later when the kids were in bed. I let the phone go to voicemail. My son heard that phone and told me that it was mommy and I should talk to her. I just told him that daddy was busy when the phone rang and I couldn't answer it. I then went turned off all the phones.

Ridiculous. If you do take Hammerdad's advice and send her an email. I would simply mention that she needs to stop involving the kids. That under no circumstances will you speak to her by phone...you are divorced and her private life is her business. You are available by email for parenting issues only...or by telephone in a life/death emergency for one of the children. If she has personal life problems the only thing you can offer is more assistance with taking the children for more time. Anything else is hers to deal with.

Believe me, the kids will be ok. They'll just going to figure out over time that their mom isn't the stable figure in their life. You are. Just keep providing them with the sanctuary they need in the chaos and they'll be ok.

[arabian]

It is very hard, if not impossible, to rationalize with an irrational individual.

I'd cut the strings and keep your distance. She knows you will always be there for the children. It seems to me that she is playing the pity-me card and manipulating you (the nice guy).

You're smarter than that.

[blinkandimgone]

I agree on do nothing, don't let her engage you in her issues. She's a big girl and needs to figurr out how to handle it on her own. What if (god forbid, of course) something were to happen to you and she were the only parent? IMO, she ( and every parent) needs to be able to handle their issues and conduct themselves accordingly, and be prepared to handle their own shit as if they were the only parent and not rely on their ex to be there for them.

Might sound harsh, but do nothing, and carry on as usual until you are informed otherwise. Perhaps ask the neighbour or someone else ( a CAS well being check, perhaps) notify you if there seems to be an emergency.

[Mess]

I and needs to figurr out how to handle it on her own. .

When you double up your r's I imagine Julie Newmar as Catwoman.

[blinkandimgone]

Mmmmmpurrrrrrr!

[Pursuinghappiness]

I did now this day was going to come, it's just a lot sooner than I thought.

Really FB? I'm actually surprised it took so long. She sounds really annoying and drama-laden to me. She also sounds kind of lazy about cleaning and that's hard to tolerate when you own the house.

p.s. Eartha Kitt had the best purr.

[mcdreamy]

Wow FB - I've got nothing to add. TFG she's not pregnant to boot!
Hope you get some sleep tonight, you so deserve this upcoming vacation.