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Childs choice or Not?

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  • Childs choice or Not?

    My ex is always saying that when she "asks" my son (almost 7) if he wants to go out to supper, park or other activities with me, he says he's busy or does not want to go. Now I know this is not a personal in, he does not necessarily NOT want to go with me, but rather my son tends to be stubborn and some days he just wants to stay home and play with his dog or doesn't feel like leaving the house.

    Ex also says that she's not going to push it and if he says he doesn't want to go on my access days, then she's refuses to 'push it' and leaves the choice up to him. Now it's my opinion and honest belief that he should be told that he has to see me on my access days and not ASKED if he feels like it. Somewhat like you don't give a 6 year old the choice to go to school, they are told that they have to go to school and that's it!

    Ex is also scheduling sleepovers and other fun activities for my son on days that I am supposed to see him. Of course, then she puts him on the phone to tell me that he can't see me because he's got plans. As far as I'm concerned this is obvious sabatoge of my time with him.

    So what is a parent supposed to do? Let the child make that decision or make it clear to the child that on specific days he HAS to go?

    Any ideas?

  • #2

    I believe you ex has a duty to the child to encourage the child to go for all access, much the same way they have a duty and responsibility to encourage the child to go to school, complete homework etc.

    A child of the age of seven is easily influenced and lacks the skill to make sound decisons that are going to effect the remainder of their life.

    To me this is just a scape goat excuse to alienate the child from yourself.

    Perhaps you need involvement of the children's Lawyer to represent the child independently and to shed some light on the view of the child and perhaps complete an independent parential assessment with recomendations of a custody access regime for the child.



    • #3
      Originally posted by serrona
      So what is a parent supposed to do? Any ideas?
      You might do the same what my ex had done, when I didn't permit my child to call him on the phone 20 times a day and after 10 pm. My ex simply file a court order motion in which he demanded an unfettered access to his child by phone when the child is with me ( we have a shared parenting arrangement). It definetely scared me and forced me to allow these numerous phone calls and change phone conversation cut-off time just a little bit, from 10 pm to 9 pm. I guess you can file a court order motion in which you can ask for unfettered access to your child on your visitation dates. You will need to attach the affidavit to your motion. In this affidavit you can explain in vivid and emotional details your ex-wife manipulative efforts to estrange your child from you. You might also add some proof of your conversations with your wife ( in writing) as appendixes to your motion. To do that, you need to use a speaker phone and a dictaphone to record your conversation, and then laborously write everything down for judge to see. Don't inform your wife about the order motion. Let it be a complete suprise for her. It will make a better impact.


      • #4
        Thanks for your posts LV and Malvina

        Had a great meeting with the mediator this morning. I really feel that she is on my side and I believe I made it very clear that what ex is doing is manipulating the situation. She feels I should have FAR more time with my son than I am getting and this is great because she will have a say in things and will be present at the next case conference.

        How much credance (sp?) does the court give to the opinion and recommendations of the Mediator?



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