Specified Access

[ringettteplayer]

Do I specify that access? He rarely/never asks or calls for the children,by rarely I mean not even once a month, in 2013 he has spent 7days with them.In 2012 he spent less than 14days with them in total by his own choice/doing.

My offer requested a parenting plan from him he refused and refused parenting classes.
naturally I'm concerned that he will just cancel.
he wasn't truthful(or accurate) in his affidavit when he said he has been seeing his children EOW.
He lives approximately 1.5 hrs away from me but states in his affidavit that he only lives 35-40minutes away.
I do not know where he lives, is that a legal issue or an emotional issue? I don't care on the same hand I do if he has my children! If I ask he will lie, I don't know how to handle that argument or if it's a mute argument.
We have not been to see a judge yet on any matters.
Thank you.

[Links17]

You want to specify access for somebody who does want to have any?

[Links17]

Interestingly, in Quebec for parents who don't see their kids they pay an extra 20% child support.

[Mess]

I understand your frustration, and the father is only hurting himself with this behaviour.

You cannot just say there will be no access. If this were me - and you may be already doing this - have the time every other weekend as flexible and non-committal. Do something like take the kids to the community centre for a recreational family swim. Don't make any other plans with friends or family. Set aside this time as dad's to use if he decides to use it. It is ridiculous but you have to handle it somehow.

If dad wants contact, he can take them swimming instead or do what he wants, but the time is otherwise unbooked.

Now at some point you are in front of a judge and you can say you set things up this way and there is no fault to you. It would be reasonable to say that an order specify no overnights because a) The kids are not familiar enough with him any more, b) Because he does not use his access you are forced to make other arrangements. You can keep 4 hours open and available every other Saturday, but you cannot keep an entire 48 hours unbooked just in case he decides to see them or not see them at the last minute. Both you and the children deserve to have some consistency and predictability in your lives. c) You do not have an address for him and would not know where he had the children for overnights.

I would remain open to easing in to overnights if dad became reliable and all of the above issues were dealt with, and I would be clear about this with the judge, but I would be asking for limited access times with no overnights in the meantime.

[ringettteplayer]

no I don't care too at all. I just don't know how to *prove*that I have tried
Maybe I don't need to be the one trying or proving to the courts? That's where I'm not wanting to assume.... That's all.

[ringettteplayer]

Thanks mess that is of great help!!
Sorry I wasn't meaning to sound like i was going to or had been preventing access at all I was just wondering who was suppose to make the effort with regards! I didn't want to assume it was to be him and find out later he twists it on me as everything is my fault (in his perception).That was all thank you mess you helped answer my question greatly!!

[Links17]

Just remember if he doesn't have access he can call the Child Access Enforcement Agency....

[dinkyface]

Deleted ... response to off-topic post