no answer served..30 days up

[gsmommy]

First time posting... I've looked through the boards before and like that honest advice is given.

Ive never gone through this before and im a little confused...
Quick rundown: I have a 6 month old..lives with me in the house I own since day one.. ex boyfriend visits occasionally once or sometimes twice a week usually 1hr-2hrs...never consistently. In the beginning he'd come once a week, one time there was 11 days in between etc. whenever he asks for a visit, I make sure they work. Visits take place in my home as neither of them are familiar with each other.
He has never helped out in anyway..financially or otherwise. . I have brought up child support and he has told me our child "doesn't need anything" and another occasion told me he'd pay when someone "official" told himhe had to. I served him court papers asking for sole and child support. Since then, he's been sending me messages to the tone of "you dont know whats coming to you" ..the 30 days have passed for him to give me an answer and he made a comment that my papers dont count anymore because his lawyer wrote something else up..can this be true in anyway? I have yet to see anything from his lawyer. ..the first court date is next week.
I appreciate any feedback...but please try not to "beat me up". Im new to all of this, a little stressed and trying to stay strong and do the right thing. Thank you

[mom2three]

First, WELCOME!

Second: Do not listen to anything that he has to say. Is it true that your application means nothing? Absolutely not.

I repeat, ignore him. You just keep your first appearance and at that, schedule your first case conference.

And keep coming back here for information. If you are self-repping, make sure you take advantage of any court services available to you. I don't know which province you are in so I can't say what those are!

[gsmommy]

Thank you so much for your quick replies...
Im in ontario...
And oink, it breaks my heart that men like him cause fathers in situations like this to have a bad reputation.. there are so many great dads out there trying to fight for what's right
Im self rep but ive seen a lawyer twice for some advice. Ive completed the MIP and I know he has too...
Does he have to serve me the answer within 30 days or it just has to be filed in 30 days? ...this is all overwhelming!
I think he has been saying things to try and scare and confuse me... I didnt think it could be true that my application all of a sudden means nothing because his lawyer wrote something else up..
Thank you again.

[Pursuinghappiness]

Since then, he's been sending me messages to the tone of "you dont know whats coming to you"

He's going to be saying a lot of stuff. Grow a thick skin and ignore everything he says unless its relevant to custody/access or financial matters. I would immediately advise him of your email addresss and tell him you will only communicate that way in the future and only about issues related to financial or custody/access matters pertinent to your divorce. Stop texting and phone calls asap.

..the 30 days have passed for him to give me an answer and he made a comment that my papers dont count anymore because his lawyer wrote something else up..can this be true in anyway? I have yet to see anything from his lawyer. ..the first court date is next week.

If you followed the correct procedures to serve him, you might not have heard anything from his lawyer because generally until after the first court action, he doesn't really have a lawyer on record. If you don't know who his lawyer is, I would ask...and if you get the name, I would simply call the lawyer since you're self-rep and ask him about the reply.

Frankly, again assuming you followed the correct procedures to serve him...I would look on his lack of response as a good thing. You might have a cakewalk on your hands...if he doesn't show up at the case conference or his MIP...even better.

In the meantime, start keeping a parenting calendar documenting the child's daily activity and any visits from the dad. And keep any emails attached to it that he sends.

[billm]

Sounds like he is not wanting to be a father - financially or emotionally. Hopefully someday he will embrace both.

Financially he does not have a choice - and I'd like to tell him to his face that he needs to man up and do both.

You are doing great. He needed to serve you, but the deadline has passed for him. Your claim is still valid and will be used for court. Either way it does not matter much as this is pretty simple wrt what needs to be done by the judge - set CS, custody, and access. I assume there are no other support or financial issues.

Financially he will be forced to pay full CS according to his income. The hard part may be determining what his income is, depending on how he earns money. Then you can take that court order and have it enforced through FRO (or where ever depending on what province you live in). You may not get much or even anything for a while, but at least you would have done right by your child. Also as a side note - start an RESP asap! You'll be happy you did in 18 years!!

As for custody, the baby is only 6 months old and to date you have had de-facto sole, so I guess that would be awarded. He make ask for joint, which would be good if he meant it. Access though would stay with you either way for now, moving to every other weekend and perhaps one day during the week if he wanted that. Sounds like he is not ready for that - hopefully he will start being a father, but he is not off to a good start.

For him to not pay you any support voluntarily is truly shameful - try to pick better men next time

How does he get paid? Full time T4, or what? Do you have this information ready for your court date? How much he makes (over the last 3 year preferably) should be determined. How much you make is not relevant.

Did you ever live together? What was he saying while you were pregnant?

Are you sure he even has a lawyer?

[Pursuinghappiness]

For him to not pay you any support voluntarily is truly shameful - try to pick better men next time

lol Bill...was it you who had the quote:

"Your man-picker is broken"??

Whoever it was in the forum, its time to dust it off...lol

[billm]

lol Bill...was it you who had the quote:

"Your man-picker is broken"??

Whoever it was in the forum, its time to dust it off...lol

Yes, that was me - didn't want to wear it out.

There are a lot of people with broken pickers - and this is a forum for them!

[gsmommy]

My man-picker is a hunk of junk...I sadly have to agree lol
Let's hope he does step up in the future. I would gladly support that.
I appreciate the replies so much. Thank you again.. I feel like I've been welcomed into a very honest and understanding community here. During such a stressful time, every little bit of support helps!

[gsmommy]

Billm, sorry im not sure how to reply specifically to parts of what you asked above..ill figure it out lol
To answer your questions, yes he does work full-time. While I was pregnant, I tried to keep a relationship together but it didnt work at all. (30 year old cheater..who prefers the bar and his social life to any responsibility. ..yeah, yeah terrible "man ticker" right here lol)

At this point im almost doubting that there's any lawyer at all...

Thanks for the advice regarding the resp I started one at about 6 weeks old (when I was fully recovered from an emergency c section and able to actually get out to a bank meeting)

[DowntroddenDad]

Billm, sorry im not sure how to reply specifically to parts of what you asked above..ill figure it out lol
To answer your questions, yes he does work full-time. While I was pregnant, I tried to keep a relationship together but it didnt work at all. (30 year old cheater..who prefers the bar and his social life to any responsibility. ..yeah, yeah terrible "man ticker" right here lol)

At this point im almost doubting that there's any lawyer at all...

Thanks for the advice regarding the resp I started one at about 6 weeks old (when I was fully recovered from an emergency c section and able to actually get out to a bank meeting)

Hey I was a terrible woman picker so, I can't fault you. And in reality I do take some blame for that. Can't change the past, but I can try and do better in the future.

Good luck, this one would seem cut and dried. He owes your child support, no doubt about that, no matter how much he blusters, threatens or raves. Don't let it get under your skin, its often a tactic used to throw you off your game. Stay the course, stick to the facts and go for it.

[gsmommy]

...I was just wondering what happens if he does show up at the first court date but hasn't served me an answer? (30 days were up yesterday)

[Moolight]

Actually, I saw some judge accepting the answer at the CC, but the answer itself was short and other party reviewed it just before the CC and everyone were ok with it.

If he just shows up at the CC without anything, he will get a lecture from the judge and it could be rescheduled.
On the other hand if there is no answer and he does not show up, it will just proceed as uncontested.

[mom2three]

...I was just wondering what happens if he does show up at the first court date but hasn't served me an answer? (30 days were up yesterday)

If he does in fact have a lawyer, his lawyer will ask you to allow him to serve his answer; let him. The judge will if you don't.

Don't get hung up on this. Just follow procedure and it will sort itself out.