Yet another WTF situation... :(

[baclayton]

Ok please give me some input on this...My stbx and his live in GF have 5 children between them. Our 3, ages 5, 11 and 13, as well as her 2 aged 4 and 11. All girls but her son(age 11). Our oldest girl has taken the babysitting course and is capeable of watching her siblings and even her children as well, for short periods. My stbx is telling our oldest daughter that she will be watching all the kids this summer on his days with the girls. Her children are week on week off, which means half the time she will be in charge of 5 kids, including herself from 7:30 or 8 am - 5:00 pm. I think this is unfair, as she is still only 13 and will have no summer, except when at my house, but besides that obvious fact, is that even legal?!? Plus we all know how much our younger siblings respect the authority of their sister!!!! I surely didnt. She doesnt want this responsibility.... But has no backbone and doesnt know how to stand up for herself.
Any ideas?

[dinkyface]

I agree, that really sucks.

Could you convince them to pay her? $400/week might be a nice intro to paying jobs. They could even make it official and get her a SIN, and file taxes (she'd pay no tax, but start to build RRSP contribution room).

Can your girl get herself into a lifeguard training course, or some volunteer position - or some other 'gainful' reason for her to be OUT of the house? It would have to be her pushing it, but you could facilitate.

[baclayton]

Its not about the money

It is not about the money. I would have no problem with her having a babysittin job... Like not her siblings or even of it was one day a week or for a few hours, but she is too young for the responsibility of 4 kids all day everyday.

[arabian]

Nothing short of child labor in my opinion.

I think dinkyface is on to something. Getting her a SIN is a good idea. She should charge EVERYONE the going rate for babysitting or it's a no-go.

Too bad. She should be having fun and is at a good age to go to a summer camp.

[involveddad75]

Just my two sense here. Let me understand a few things, first there are 5 children ages 3,4,5,11,13
Since the 11 year can legally look after themselves she won't likely be babysitting him.
So she's only babysitting a 3,4,5 year old. When I was 13 I took a babysitting course and would look after three children the same age and had no problem doing it. Yes they weren't my siblings but still.
Second perhaps the other 11 year old is helping out and they are both going to be looking after the children. You don't know since that child isn't yours.
If your ex put the children in camp or daycare would you not be on the hook for your portion of the costs based on your income?
So your ex is trying to save money by paying their children to look after their other children. If this was an intact family I would guess this would be normal.
Does it not show to your daughter that she can be proud that she can take on this responsibility. Does it not give your daughter confidence in herself.
And if your ex is paying her, not sure about this as it wasn't stated does it not keep the money inside the family.

[hadenough]

It's a ridiculous proposition, period.

I'd be pissed and looking for ways to derail that plan.

[arabian]

I'd be looking for a way for my daughter to be "discovered" on one of those modelling scams in another city...

[standing on the sidelines]

Ok please give me some input on this...My stbx and his live in GF have 5 children between them. Our 3, ages 5, 11 and 13, as well as her 2 aged 4 and 11. All girls but her son(age 11). Our oldest girl has taken the babysitting course and is capeable of watching her siblings and even her children as well, for short periods. My stbx is telling our oldest daughter that she will be watching all the kids this summer on his days with the girls. Her children are week on week off, which means half the time she will be in charge of 5 kids, including herself from 7:30 or 8 am - 5:00 pm. I think this is unfair, as she is still only 13 and will have no summer, except when at my house, but besides that obvious fact, is that even legal?!? Plus we all know how much our younger siblings respect the authority of their sister!!!! I surely didnt. She doesnt want this responsibility.... But has no backbone and doesnt know how to stand up for herself.
Any ideas?

start letting her grow a backbone then and let her tell her father she is uncomfortable doing it. She will never learn to stand up for herself if you jump in everytime.

[caranna]

I think that at 13, your daughter is too young to be looking after so many kids for such long periods. I'm all for promoting independence and hard work, but this is just too much responsibility for a child that age. I agree with SOS. You should encourage your daughter to grow a backbone. If she doesn't learn to stand up for herself, she is going to learn the hard way, and it can lead to very dangerous situations.
Here is an interesting perspective:

Mother Arrested for Using 13-yr-old as Babysitter

[involveddad75]

Thank you, caranna. I suggest everyone read some of the comments to this article.
People say life has changed since back. Life is more dangerous. But intact safe is safer today. We are just constantly reminded about the bad.

[Serene]

I like the post further up that refers the daughter trying it out. I think perhaps he was right in saying if this were an intact family this would be normal. I know my own daughter would be capable of this arrangement at that age.

I think that at 13 your daughter needs to say something if she does not want to do it or if she does not feel capable.

In any event, a week "on the job" will surely dictate how the rest of the summer plays out.... but as long as mom or dad manages those relationships with the other parent for her, she will never learn to herself. If I were in your shoes I would not get involved in what is happening. If the daughter complains to you, you can encourage her to speak with her dad, but that is the best you can do. It will serve her well moving forward, this won't be the only difficult conversation she will have in her lifetime.

Best of luck.

[NBDad]

It all depends on the maturity of the13 year old. My household has 10 children and the oldest is 13. We have left her with them for short durations, usually in the evening for an hour when half of them are in bed/etc.

Usually we take the smaller ones out with us and leave the older, more independent ones with her any other time. Wouldn't be comfortable with the length of time you are talking about.

While my oldest may be fully capable of watching them for 6-8 hours, it would be monumentally unfair to do that to her, especially during the summer.

At 13 she should be able to express her wishes to NOT do this herself. She can also express her wishes on whether to go to her fathers at all, and it will be given serious weight.

[NBDad]

Not a typo...it's a blended family. I have 4 with my ex wife, my wife has 4, and we have 2 together.

[ele110]

That is ridiculous. I would never do this to my daughter, with only one younger sibling. I would advise her to stand up to her father and father's wife. She is the perfect age to go to a leadership program in a camp, and start building experience to eventually become a camp counsellor. But watching 4 siblings half the summer?Definitely not.

[mom2three]

Ok please give me some input on this...My stbx and his live in GF have 5 children between them. Our 3, ages 5, 11 and 13, as well as her 2 aged 4 and 11. All girls but her son(age 11). Our oldest girl has taken the babysitting course and is capeable of watching her siblings and even her children as well, for short periods. My stbx is telling our oldest daughter that she will be watching all the kids this summer on his days with the girls. Her children are week on week off, which means half the time she will be in charge of 5 kids, including herself from 7:30 or 8 am - 5:00 pm. I think this is unfair, as she is still only 13 and will have no summer, except when at my house, but besides that obvious fact, is that even legal?!? Plus we all know how much our younger siblings respect the authority of their sister!!!! I surely didnt. She doesnt want this responsibility.... But has no backbone and doesnt know how to stand up for herself.
Any ideas?

You have gotten some great suggestions already. Certain things stood out for me in your post:

• you acknowledge that she is capable
• you assert that siblings don't respect the authority of the sibling left in charge
• you acknowledge she has no backbone

Those are powerful statement. Is it not contradictory that she is capable of caring for siblings, yet you make mention that her authority would be in question? And further, how can she be capable if she has no backbone?

She can't be both; if she is capable, she would have a backbone and she would be able to assert her authority.

There are several months left before school is 'out for summer'. I would be using those months wisely to work with her to develop her capabilities. Will she be prepared by summer? Only you can tell, but shooting the possibility of it down at the first instance is not doing her, nor you, any favours.

As for her summer? I may be of a completely different school, but in my house, individualism comes AFTER family. I respect individuality and my children are free to express their individuality, but not at the expense of our family. We have to work together. If that means some sacrifice......

For example, I will be doing 5 university exams in the next week. I know what my 10 year old is capable of and she is responsible for caring for her younger 5 year old sister while I study. Her responsibilities include feeding breakfast and lunch, tidying up, taking her sister to the park, walks etc. and (hopefully) keeping noise levels to a minimum.

At first she was fighting mad and she was allowed (and encouraged) to express her distaste for the situation. We negotiated a happy medium. And that happy medium does not include a financial incentive (I do not pay my children for babysitting). The point is, we worked on it together.