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Private custody evaluation: 2nd child/parent observation

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  • #31
    Did I miss something? Knickers? Monkey's getting bathed? Did someone mention the IKEA monkey?


    • #32
      I appreciate all of the insight. I am analytical, and like to hear perspective, apply it to my situation: with the children's best interests as the basis.
      It's natural that we disagree and we often don't have the entire picture. This is why I try not to judge others, and am defensive when I am judged.

      Been busy spending quality parenting time with my daughter on my parenting week, engaging in parenting counselling, and supporting our two children at their chidren counselling. Just now had a chance to catch up on this post.

      mom2three - I am very impressed with your perception of the key issues surrounding my situation, and applaud your many comments in my support! I commend you for being hockey troop transport as it was you who elected to move; and bet you couldn't see the end of hockey season/taxi season soon enough

      Sharing another valuable nugget provided from a respected forum member:

      It isn't about hockey, but the fact that mom is using hockey, something the child clearly enjoys, as a means to control or initiate a change in custody. A nine year old doesn't have the capacity to understand the total implications of agreeing to play hockey here or there, he just wants to play hockey and has no idea that choosing where to play will colour where he lives, how much he'll see dad etc. Mom is trying to force the kid to choose WHERE to play hockey as a means to shift the child to the community she decided to move to.
      What's she's doing is wrong, and it isn't so trivial as 'hockey'.

      __________________________________________________ _______

      The custody evaluator has requested a second observation, between the children and father. I agreed to a date in two weeks, which will enable both our children to engage in two more counselling sessions. This private custody evaluator was agreed to, as a result that clinical issues are now present (son not joined sister in visiting father on the father's parenting week since before Christmas).

      btw: I have always played well in the sandbox, and not once have been the instigator (family parenting status quo, nor ALL litigation). Taking responsibility for our actions is a resounding theme in life. I preach this to our children, and similarly believe that as a role model, I am equally accountable for all my actions. After repeated assurances that mom would drive the children to school and extracurricular events (specifically sports in existing community) resulting from her move; she emphatically stated that things change and we must change with them. ???

      This could aptly be perceived as: although I chose to move and gave you assurances I would take care of the associated driving for our children, you have to change with my decision to move.

      Our children didn't ask mom and dad to separate, nor did they ask one parent to move away. As responsible, mature parents, our job is to take responsibility for our actions and make this move the least disruptive for our children as they require stability and consistency in order to grow positively through the separation.

      OhMy - Last fall, I recognized that the adult disagreement concerning a recreational activity should not embroil our child, so I told my ex I wanted to "disengage" and gas organized recreational hockey for our son altogether: to benefit our son and his sister. I sincerely wanted the truly amicable first year post separation parenting arrangement we had enjoyed. My words and actions were strongly met with my ex's push to promote recreational hockey for our son in her new community. This action does not appear in the children's best interests.

      I have disengaged from spring summer hockey and recommended one summer activity for each of our children, as in the past 6 years. post to follow


      • #33
        bthom - good for you for moving the matter from the ice rink and hopefully into the court to be dealt with!! In doing this you are also keeping the parenting decisions between adults and minimizing your child's involvement.


        • #34
          wow. original op must be called 'spock' by his/her cllosest friends.

          Know this: sometimes what s best for either (or both, or singular) parent is ALSO whats best for child. Simply because it is what's best for said parent.

          You don't have to like it. But there it is.


          • #35
            Disclosure meeting update - recommendations not in line with findings

            After 3 months of private custody evaluator intervention, had 3 hr. disclosure meeting today. WOW - felt great after 2 1/2 hours, with positive parenting findings about myself, and quite the contrary (gatekeeping) about ex. In the end however, the recommendations ran opposite what the findings revealed.

            s9 hasn't joined his sister in visiting myself on EOW schedule since mid Dec. Many, many inappropriate angry adult comments observed by evaluator coming from s9 mouth while observed at dad's house. bf of ex displayed aggressive and profane language as observed by 5 character references.

            Biggest recommendation I fail to understand:
            shared custody with reunification recommended for father and son - which mother should initiate ASAP or within 30 days, otherwise recommend follow 18 week graduated access schedule. (note: mother advised to pursue parental reunification counselling May 2 (given list) and May 23. Father went, however, mother claims s9 claims nothing has changed and sees no point in doing counselling.(child's words?) s9 has NOT joined his sister in going to father's for over 5 months already, then this cozy recommendation which ex will inevitably discount.

            Don't feel this action is truly in the children's best interest at all.
            Many recommendations ran counter to over 2 hours of revealed (in detail) findings.


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