Vacation Email - STBX

[DowntroddenDad]

Here is what I would propose.

Ask her to swap days. She can have that day if you get another day of your choice. And of course you get to have the same access to your child as she would have if it would have been your day - go to the church, be there for cake etc.

She can't object to that without looking totally selfish.

[FB_]

The next thing that will happen is she is going to go to our son and tell him she wants to have a cake for him and I won't let her. Then he is going to come crying to me asking me why.

What 7 year old doesn't want a cake.

[Pursuinghappiness]

Ask her to swap days. She can have that day if you get another day of your choice. And of course you get to have the same access to your child as she would have if it would have been your day - go to the church, be there for cake etc.

She can't object to that without looking totally selfish.

I respectfully disagree.

I know what you're trying to say, however, I have an ex like this and nothing works except being firm and sticking to the access schedule as much as possible.

Every single time you deviate, HC ex's take it as an opportunity to cause havoc both at the current time and in the future. And besides, the day is as important to him as to her. Being "nice" to people like this is a recipe for disaster and an opportunity for them to cause the same or more crap next time.

Frankly, I say stick to the access schedule..particularly because its a rough draft, not an interim. She has ZERO reasonable objection to the existing proposal...what the OP has offered is more than reasonable.

Besides, once you put something in writing/email, its a really bad idea to change it. My advice, ignore the noise and leave it the way it is.

[mom2three]

The next thing that will happen is she is going to go to our son and tell him she wants to have a cake for him and I won't let her. Then he is going to come crying to me asking me why.

What 7 year old doesn't want a cake.

So then you need to be honest with yourself and decide if you are opting to not have a cake because the ex brought it up OR for some other reason.

Doesn't everyone want cake??

[DowntroddenDad]

Well I don't want cake cause I am trying to lose more weight. But I'm not the average. Most kids want cake.

[FB_]

I could just give him a cake at my moms

[dad2bandm]

I respectfully disagree.

I know what you're trying to say, however, I have an ex like this and nothing works except being firm and sticking to the access schedule as much as possible...

Besides, once you put something in writing/email, its a really bad idea to change it. My advice, ignore the noise and leave it the way it is.

I would agree with PH's advice. You offer a reasonable compromise that works for both of you, and if she doesn't want it, then anything you suggest will likely just incite her more, because she doesn't wany any compromise. It's her way, or no way.

Your ex sounds like mine.

I get burned by trying to be nice, or trying to be accomodating. My ex is a HCP, and they seem to feed off this, so you need to stand your ground after a certain point.

FYI, don't you want to start another thread by now. :-)

[FB_]

I would agree with PH's advice. You offer a reasonable compromise that works for both of you, and if she doesn't want it, then anything you suggest will likely just incite her more, because she doesn't wany any compromise. It's her way, or no way.

Your ex sounds like mine.

I get burned by trying to be nice, or trying to be accomodating. My ex is a HCP, and they seem to feed off this, so you need to stand your ground after a certain point.

I agree with being burned.

FYI, don't you want to start another thread by now. :-)

Seems I already have a thread started for all issues. I might be moving over to this thread in a few seconds as my stbx just got home.

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ed-door-14641/

[FB_]

Hey silly goose...just make sure you have the recorder with you this time and running, remember what happned last time over the $10 argument?

That right, am the only one allowed to call FB_ that, isn't that right mate?

As I said I am fully prepared.

So far nothing..

You can call me anything you want as long as it's not a deadbeat dad.

[FB_]

Ok that's messed up.

Somehow she managed to get a key to my door. I have no idea how. She just unlocked it and came down and did laundry.

I guess it's time for a new lock. I have NO idea how she got a key.

Obviously she borrowed mine at some point and made a copy.

[mom2three]

Ok that's messed up.

Somehow she managed to get a key to my door. I have no idea how. She just unlocked it and came down and did laundry.

I guess it's time for a new lock. I have NO idea how she got a key.

Obviously she borrowed mine at some point and made a copy.

YIKES

You need to get yourself outta there. You need to pray to the court Gods that something transpires soon.

Til those court Gods find there way to you, I will be thinking about you and the kids; no one should have to live like that.

[Rioe]

I could just give him a cake at my moms

That's what I was going to suggest! It neatly gets around her cake argument.

As for the lock and her key (she must have had a locksmith in?), get a new lock (get three and switch them out randomly, hehe - locks are much cheaper than locksmiths), and stop giving her any access at all, even for laundry. Do the kids' laundry on your access time, and tell her to go to a laundromat or take her stuff to her boyfriend's.

If she complains, tell her you'll trade your basement for her master bedroom if she prefers.

[dad2bandm]

Somehow she managed to get a key to my door. I have no idea how. She just unlocked it and came down and did laundry.

I guess it's time for a new lock. I have NO idea how she got a key.

Obviously she borrowed mine at some point and made a copy.

Either she got ahold of key, or she got a locksmith to come in. To help with this, and your space, during this stressful time, you could always add a chain-lock or some kind of deadbolt (just an inside one), for your use. The chain lock would be easy to implement, and is low-cost. Maybe she will get the hint?

[Assume]

Ok that's messed up.

Somehow she managed to get a key to my door. I have no idea how. She just unlocked it and came down and did laundry.

I guess it's time for a new lock. I have NO idea how she got a key.

Obviously she borrowed mine at some point and made a copy.

That's friggin scary and creepy all rolled into one....eeesh!!!!

You're right about Sunday, you've given her some options that are more than fair...now go get new locks!! ( creeps me out so I can't imagine how you feel...yech!!!)

[FB_]

So stbx and her bf roll into the house this morning in preparation for my sons communion. Now the new bf is sitting on my couch like he owns the place. It's kinda funny.

I was thinking of asking him if he likes that couch more or if he would like to try the one in my basement (my bed) on for size.

Sorry just a little vent and humour all in one.