Week on, Week off Child Schedule

[Gilligan]

I have the following schedule, which seems to work OK with 1 significant caveat.

Parent 1 - Monday, Wednesday, Friday - Sunday
Parent 2 - Tuesday, Thursday - Friday - Sunday

It ensures that 4 days are the max time away from a parent, but it makes dealing with extra curricular a problem if one parent is a jerk about it. Also, it implies 5 exchanges / week for the child. I am not a big fan of this.

I would suggest a schedule of:

Parent 1 - Mon - Tue + Fri-Sun
Parent 2 - Wed - Thur + Fri - Sun

It would be a better exchange schedule, with 3 exchanges / week and hopefully minimize issues, although the extra-curricular could still be an issues depending on your situation.

Just my 2 cents.

[dinkyface]

I would suggest a schedule of:

Parent 1 - Mon - Tue + Fri-Sun
Parent 2 - Wed - Thur + Fri - Sun

It would be a better exchange schedule, with 3 exchanges / week and hopefully minimize issues,...

Even better, it's actually only 2 exchanges per week (each Weds, plus either Fri or Mon depending on whose weekend it is). This would be my choice too.

[Canadaguy]

A rotational schedule works well too where:

Week 1
Parent A: Mon, Tue, Fri, Sat, Sun.
Parent B: Wed, Thu

Week 2
Parent A: Wed, Thu
Parent B: Mon, Tue, Fri, Sat, Sun.

Works well because there is no exchange between the other parent, all exchanges are done before and after school or daycare. Plus both parents get Sunday evening for family dinners, etc.

Minus is that days per week are not set and if enrolling events in say every Monday parent would only attend every other week.

[billm]

...
Minus is that days per week are not set and if enrolling events in say every Monday parent would only attend every other week.

Why? The best for the children is that parents attend their extracurricular events regardless of the access schedule. I go to all my kids events.

Also, 2-2-5-5 is the best schedule I find. Mon/Tues me, Wed/Thurs mom, alternate weekends. It is predictable for the kids and I feel like a full time parent.

[Canadaguy]

Why? The best for the children is that parents attend their extracurricular events regardless of the access schedule. I go to all my kids events.

You are correct both attend, but in most high conflict cases the negative parent says they won't take the kid to the event, so the other parent and kid only go every other week.

Or if the high conflict siutation has tension with the parents or extended family it might be best for the off week parent not to attend the event when it is not their week, and vise versa.

[hadenough]

I don't know anyone who does the "week on/week off" thing but I would be inclined to think it's likely to raise transition issues w/a child that age.

My 2c - it seems extreme. I'm sure there's some ppl for whom it works out well, but I feel that would be the exception, not the rule.

Come to think of it; I do know one person who has that schedule in place. She doesn't like it at all. The sched billm mentioned sounds like a good one.

My child's father doesn't see him at all so this is the opinion of someone who is a is never 'off-duty.' Just including that b/c I can't honestly relate personally to any of the proposed schedules I see on here. I enjoyed the time I had before when child was at dad's. Luckily, he's a teen now so I don't have to be around all the time. Granted, for those of you separating with younger kids, it's a lot more difficult esp when the other parent is not fair/cooperative.

[cormad]

I have been doing the week on/off schedule with my children (girl 12,boy 15) for the past three years. I thought it had been working well. My daughter spends the opposite Tuesday evening with the other parent to break up the week.I thought it was working well until my 15 year old son told me last night he no longer wanted to do every other week and was going to stay with his mom. The system empowers them at that age and there is nothing I can do . So much for being a good dad with rules and morales.

[MiViLaLoco]

My ex and I have had a week on/off with a mid-week overnight at the parent whos week it isn't (if that makes sense). This way our child never goes more than 3 days without seeing both of us. We do our exchange on Friday so our child has the weekend to settle before school starts. We had been doing Monday exchanges but were finding it difficult on our child due the excitement of being at his other house for a week.

We have been doing this sort of routine since our child was 3 1/2. ...basically from day 1.

I have often posed the 2-2-3 scenario and it is shot down each and every time. As our child gets older it is becoming obvious this would be a better solution for activities (not just for our child).

However, I have a high conflict ex. I figure if I keep planting the seeds it should take about another year before he thinks it is his "wonderful" idea and proposes it to me with the expectation that I will automatically accept. lol

[Serene]

We personally are not in favour of the other parent attending extra curricular activities of the children as it is uncomfortable for everyone. In our case, the mother ignores everyone but her child. It is disrespectful to everyone else present, causes tension and it is hurtful to the other children. Even their harlf blood sibling is ignored by her. While there is not rule that she has to follow in terms of acknowledging those present I have to wonder what message it sends to her children when she behaves this way. And I have to wonder why she would even show up to "support" her kid at the extra curric activity when she treats everyone her child came with like crap while there.

At the end of the day, the kids love both parents. It is this VERY behaviour that makes them have to pick and choose loyalty and how they feel about their family. When mom is present, the child doesn't want to show affection to anyone else in his family. When mom is not present the child is a very respectful and cuddly kid. Makes you wonder.

And how is it that we can teach a small child of 5 or 6 respect for others when the child's own mother doesn't demonstrate any herself?

Personally, I think that the other parent should get a life/hobby and respect that is the other parent's time. If the issue is that the activity is always on the other persons time then offer to switch nights every now and again. But truth be told, just find something else to do on a night that you have the child.

[Serene]

Oink - Here is my intro:
Parent and step parent myself. My partner's ex follows us around wherever we go. Calls multiple times a day even just after we picked up kids. High conflict situation for certain. No cooperation. Interferes with all access. Delays pickups. Creates problems where there are none. For instance, my partner's ex complains we don't keep sick kids. When we keep sick kids we are accused of not taking them home on time/at all. Kids stuck in the middle. Currently in court and getting no where despite judge's strong recommendations to stop being a helicopter parent and let dad be the good dad he is (judges words). All offers to settle with EXACTLY what the judge strongly recommended refused. Going to trial soon.

I think parents SHOULD attend extra curricular activities if they CAN and WILL demonstrate respect for ALL. If they can't, they should not. In our case, they cannot. Nor should they use their attendance as a way to manipulate what the other parent does with their access: i.e. delay departure for 20 minutes by talking to them about non-urgent important issues, advising them what they must do when they get home to the other parents house after activity, etc.

For the record my ex and I have no issues. Our entire separation agreement is on one page and filed at court and we have not had one issue with it since the date of our separation over 6 years ago.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and thoughts. I choose to speak about what I think and believe in and allow others to come to their own decision about what works best for them.

Perhaps I am the one that is causing the tension - I'm sure if you asked the ex spouse they would agree! lol

[mom2three]

Oink:

Only YOU can make the decision what kind of schedule is best and bring forth the proposal. It's about weighing all the factors. A friend of mine has done week on/week off and he says there are pros and cons. Would he change it? His reply: no in a million f*&ing years cause it was hard enough getting THAT outta her.

I feel for parents such as yourselves who have to argue petty shit and cannot work together. I do have the majority of the time with the children due to distance issues so Dad is the occasional weekend Dad. Because of that I don't have regular problems respecting co-parenting issues.

Interestingly enough though, I believe the Judge was swayed to give me primary custody (the distance thing was not going to change so he had to make and either/or choice) because I was willing to work with the other parent and he was not - says it right in his judgement that his decision was based on the mother's willingess to promote access and the fathers unwillingness to do so.

So, make your proposal and be willing to have wiggle room to accomodate. It is not about being a push-over, but understanding that sometimes you can give in.

I wish you the best of luck. Sure can't be easy.

[mom2three]

So if am hearing you right, your husabnd could have had shared/joint if he had been willing to you and there wasn't a distance issue...it really did come down to that in your specific case?

In the end? Yes. If the father was to move where I reside I would have no issue whatsoever in him having equal access. At the time of separation he was in agreement with me leaving and him having limited access (limited only by distance)

If you want specific details, PM me and I will do my best to explain.