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Just need to vent..................

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  • Just need to vent..................

    Grrrrrrrr, why is it that a parent thinks he/she can arbitrarily change schedules without consulting the other parent?

    Good old March Break and kids are scheduled to go to the other parents today. I received an email last night that stated: "Sorry, won't be able to pick up the kids tomorrow but I will get them on Sunday." Well, hello? I understand that one needs to work but what about the other parents plans? Of course, being the custodial parent it is assumed (by my ex) that it is my responsibility to accomodate.

    What REALLY got up my craw was when I addressed this in a phone conversation last night the response was "if I don't work, you don't get paid". So sad.

    I am no doormat but I will suck it up, change my plans (really, I have a schedule to) and spend the time with the kids .

    I will play my violin next time he whines about not having enough time with the kids.

  • #2
    At least he let you know about what sounds like a last-minute work-schedule change...I'm sure he's not happy about it either.

    Who should watch the kids while he works, if not you?

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    • #3
      Does your order/schedule, state when March break access starts?

      Comment


      • #4
        Dad: Order states that it occurs on the day of, hence kids are to be exchanges today. I understand his work change, that sutff happens, but it is not my responsibility to accomodate him and for him to do nothing. Did it occur that because of this change I have to alter my schedule?

        Anyways, it was just a vent and I do realize that others' have different perspectives.

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        • #5
          No... that sounds inconsiderate to me. But I guess that's something you'll have to deal with for your kids' sake.

          He loses ultimately.... especially if tries to do this again and again... at his convenience.

          I hope you end up having a great time with your kids until Sunday.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by sjandme View Post
            He loses ultimately.... especially if tries to do this again and again... at his convenience.
            It doesn't sound like it was at his convenience...the original poster said it's because he has to work. She can do this favour, and next time the original poster has to work, he can return the favour.

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            • #7
              My 2 cents.....Don't do anything I suggest without first consulting your doctor, 2 lawyers, 3 accountants and a mechanic..

              I work a job that sometimes entails last minute schedule changes, I`m on emergency on call from time to time. I worked a deal with my EX. She will take them on short notice anytime, but she gets my full salary for those days that I work after taxes. Last month she made $400 for watching the kids for 2 days as I was called away from town. Everyone is happy, I have no complaints as she is the best person to watch the kids.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by toronto_father2 View Post
                She will take them on short notice anytime, but she gets my full salary for those days that I work after taxes. Last month she made $400 for watching the kids for 2 days as I was called away from town. Everyone is happy, I have no complaints as she is the best person to watch the kids.
                I'm sure she's extremely happy.

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                • #9
                  I`m talking 2 full days 48hrs, she has to take them to school, put them to bed etc. All things she would normally do, but try finding someone to do that like a nanny on short notice, would cost just as much and then there is the trust issues with a stranger watching your kids.
                  It may sound overly generous but the reality is I had to make a choice, quit a good job then take what I can get at a regular 9 to 5 job making much less(As all my training is in a field that has emergency calls from time to time). Also finding childcare at last minute that you can trust to watch your kids for 24hrs a day. She also has to drop her plans. I think its a fair deal all around and best for the kids. I think the kids and I are getting the deal.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by toronto_father2 View Post
                    I`m talking 2 full days 48hrs, she has to take them to school, put them to bed etc. All things she would normally do...kids for 24hrs a day. She also has to drop her plans. I think its a fair deal all around and best for the kids. I think the kids and I are getting the deal.
                    So, regular parent things?

                    If it works for you, then it works for you I guess, but you certainly have a different perspective than I. I find it hard to believe that the kids are getting a "deal", if Mom demands your salary on her "non-kid" days, to consider parenting them, if you have to work.

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                    • #11
                      It is very inconsiderate to not think of other but they are ex’s for a reason.

                      He did not give her an option but use the whole CS....I don't work you don't get paid crap.

                      Yes, children are better off with their parents but there is a proper way of dealing with this.

                      I would ask for a make up day in return to be scheduled within the next 3 weeks.

                      This is for the befit of the kids to see their father and if you have to cancel plans that incur a cost like tickets then advise him that he will be responsible for the cost.

                      It one thing to take the kids for the kids sake, it’s another to be taken advantage of by the other…who says he is really going to work everytime...

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                      • #12

                        Quote********************************************* ********
                        So, regular parent things?

                        If it works for you, then it works for you I guess, but you certainly have a different perspective than I. I find it hard to believe that the kids are getting a "deal", if Mom demands your salary on her "non-kid" days, to consider parenting them, if you have to work.

                        **************************************************


                        Your reading my words and inserting your own narrative, she never demanded anything. It was my idea and I came up with the offer. This has allowed me to to advance at work. I also can work not having to worry about the kids as my shifts can run 14hr to 18hrs long. The peace of mind alone is worth it.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by good_mom View Post
                          It is very inconsiderate to not think of other but they are exís for a reason.

                          He did not give her an option but use the whole CS....I don't work you don't get paid crap...
                          It one thing to take the kids for the kids sake, itís another to be taken advantage of by the otherÖ


                          So, to get back to the original poster's scenario...what would suitable options be then? (agreed, the dad who has to work, should have rephrased his "reason") Given he said that, does that mean the original poster does not work then?

                          Would it be suitable to split on the cost of a babysitter/daycare then, if Mom absolutely couldn't break her plans, because Dad is required to work during this time?

                          Originally posted by good_mom View Post

                          who says he is really going to work everytime...
                          The original poster mentioned this weekend - so that is one instance. Why wouldn't he be going to work? That's the conclusion you come to?

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by toronto_father2 View Post
                            Your reading my words and inserting your own narrative, she never demanded anything. It was my idea and I came up with the offer. This has allowed me
                            So she was going to keep the kids anyway, then, while you had to work?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              To clarify the scenario: The father and I live several hours apart so his time consists of: all holiday weekends and weekends ( PD days) consistent with the school schedule. The only change in this scenario is where I do get alternate Xmas' (in the year it is my year the children go to Dad's on the day after Xmas and in his year the children go to Dad's on the day holiday's start and return on the day before holidays end). I do have two weeks in the summer, which I choose.

                              This is HIS week with the children; my problem with it was that he arbitrarily opted to not pick up the kids as per the schedule. While I will and always have made accomodations the bug up my ass was that he did not act mature by opting to work it out; his 'decision' was his own and reflects the notion that I, as the primary custodial parent, must accomodate him.

                              I vent because of this: he nonchalantly changes it when it is to his convenience but will never change it to accomodate me/us. EX: he will not allow the kids to attend hockey tournaments despite me making offers to pay for everything IF it is on his weekend (he need only come). He misses Father's Day weekend (cause he had other plans) and laments about it but will not accomodate a Thanksgiving weekend because my family is together.

                              I am always willing to accomodate; he expects me to be a doormat. And people wonder why other parents are so hard headed. There are only so many times for me to be reasonable before I say enough is enough.

                              Comment

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