Am I At Fault??

[Ctopher777]

Recently me and my ex have been having a dispute over the time period in which our four year son is spent in each household. About a month ago I got a job offer from a pharmaceutical company which paid way more than what i was getting from working as an online pharmacy technician. At the time me and my ex had everything set up so that she would have one week with our son and then i would get the next week and would alternate as such. But I found out that with this new job I would be working shift work, four days in a row with each day having twelve hours and then i would have four days off and then i would work a 12 hour night shift after that for four days, etc. When told this it made me a bit hesitant to hand in my resume, but the offer was too good not to at least try. So I did the one thing that everyone kept telling me I wasn't obligated to do but did anyway, I took my ex out for coffee and talked to her about the job I wanted to get, explaining the shifts and hours. I asked her if it would work with her if she would have him for the four days that I worked and the I would have him for the four days that I don't work, still 50/50 right? After discussing for a while she agreed that it would be fine as long as it doesn't cut into her time with our son, which to me doesn't considering it's still 50/50. So with this I went ahead and handed in my resume, got the job, quit my previous job and signed all of the papers to seal the deal.....three days after all of that I get a text saying that she doesn't want to do the four and four anymore and wants to keep it at seven and seven.
Now we are arguing back and forth about what time frame is right for our son. To me a four and four day period is no different than a seven and seven, perhaps even better since the amount of wait time to see mommy and daddy are lessened. So if I were to keep it at seven and seven, my parents would have to watch my son for four days of the week while I get three and on her end she would see him the evenings that she doesn't work and her boyfriend is the one watching him while she does work.
My question is, am I at fault for all of this? Is it wrong of me to ask for a four and four day period? Input would be greatly appreciated as I am starting to lean towards a mediation or possibly going to court if she disagrees with it, thank you

[Mess]

I don't see any fault and I don't think that finding fault is the way to resolve this.

You asked her to co-operate, you made a very reasonable offer, you went ahead with the understanding that she agreed, then after you made a committment she changes her mind and gives no actual reason for doing so. I think if there is any "fault" here it is her's.

But fault isn't going to solve the issue. Are you going to quit your current job and go back to the old one? No? Then play the cards you are dealt.

1. Learn your lesson. You cannot trust your ex. Now move on.
2. You have a higher paying job, take the benefit from that and pay off your debts and build your savings. You have been through a divorce, that must have played hell with your finances.
3. Maintain your 50/50 schedule and make the best of it. When you are off you have more time to spend with your son; when you are working your son is spending quality time with your parents. Try to work with the positives.
4. Give it some time. Your ex is out of line, but in a couple of months she very well might come around and see the benefit to everyone if you go with 4/4. Since you can't change your work schedule, I think you are better off not seeking a conflict over custody right away. See how it plays out first.

[standing on the sidelines]

plus mention to the ex (if you pay offset child support) that she will be getting more money per month. Hate to say it but that may tip the scale in your favour.

[Ctopher777]

I do see your points Mess, they are ones that I have also thought about. The one part that bugs me the most is the part with my parents, don't get me wrong, they love spending time with my son and said they wouldn't mind looking after him for those four days that I work, but to me it seems like they're the ones getting the Sh** end of the stick since they now have to give up their four days to look after my son. I admit they are in their 50's but hey they still go out, mom goes curling, they still live pretty active lives. But with the whole four days of looking after him, now they have to put their lives on hold just because my ex isn't agreeing to four and four. In my mind I think that ALL of this could be avoided, put into a fair situation where he gets to see his both his parents for an equal amount if she would just agree to the four and four.
Haha yeah she already knows about that point SOTS, but that's still not enough to persuade her to lean towards four and four, she's a very stubborn woman

[Berner_Faith]

Another option would be for the son to go in daycare during the days and your parents can still enjoy their time...because he would be in daycare for your work, that would be considered a section 7 expense, which would have to be split according to income, while you may be paying most of it, she would still be responsible for some of the costs... your parents are under no obligation to watch your son so she cannot use that as a reason not to pay the daycare expenses.

After a month or so of her having to pay some of these costs, she may come around and decide the 4 day rotation is a good idea.

[Ctopher777]

Actually Berner he is already in daycare, has been for about half a year now. Me and my ex have been paying half each (199 each), the issue with my parents is that they are responsible for taking him to daycare, going to work right after and then picking him up afterwards. It just feels that those four days are being put on them when it doesn't have to be since there is a solution, the four and four, which would be me looking after him the entire time he is with me. Also with her logic of it still being 50/50, it technically isn't due to the fact that my son is under the care of my parents for a majority of the time during my seven days, according to what lawyers told me, 50/50 is considered half and half with as much time as possible with each parent, not under each household.