Yet Another Stupid Arguement

[motherbear4]

It is my ex's weekend starting tomorrow. He has sent me a text saying he MAY have strep throat, rambled on about being highly contagious, and that he will not be picking them up.

I have responded that I am not available, which I am not. A parent being sick is part of parenthood, just like kids being sick and that he is to pick them up at his usual time.

So, I get the usual "a judge will not be pleased to see/hear that you have abandoned our children" blah blah blah.

I am standing my ground but I know that he will not pick them up. The clincher is he has already been the cause of my being dismissed from two sitters and I cannot have it happen again.

What to do?

[blinkandimgone]

Drop them off at his place. Problem solved.

[standing on the sidelines]

Drop them off at his place. Problem solved.

true but what happens if he does have strep?? I have never had it nor do I know if its contagious.

[OhMy]

Unless he licks the children or coughs directly in their faces, it should be as simple as proper hand washing and coughing etiquette to prevent the spead.

Strep Throat

The above link is for kids, however the same would apply for adults.

[standing on the sidelines]

Unless he licks the children or coughs directly in their faces, it should be as simple as proper hand washing and coughing etiquette to prevent the spead.

Strep Throat

The above link is for kids, however the same would apply for adults.

thanks for the information

[motherbear4]

Thanks everyone, I needed to know if I was off my rocker Strep is contagious, but seems like everything is contagious Any time he gets something bacterial, he's the most contagious person ever to walk the face of the earth and has been instructed by a Dr. to stay away from his kids. This is a load of baloney; I simply cannot see a Dr. saying that. Well, I guess I will wait to see if this particular Dr. tells him to stay away from his kids and see what happens when I drop them off. Could be interesting, I've never even been to his place!

And if he were going to infect them, he's already done it from access earlier this week!

[OhMy]

And if he were going to infect them, he's already done it from access earlier this week!

You are very correct with this statement. Most viruses and bacterial illnesses are most contagious prior to symptoms occurring.

[Janus]

I'm going to dissent here.

If he is paying full table CS plus proportional s7 expenses, then that represents the sum total of his responsibilities to the children. Anything that he does above and beyond paying the CS is awesome, but optional.

If you are receiving table CS, then you are the parent. If you want the money, you need to accept the obligations that come along with the cash. If you want your ex to be a parent with responsibilities, then change your arrangement to one of shared custody.

If his regular (and, to most of us, bewildering) refusal to use access is causing you a problem, go to the courts to fix that. Until then, it is your problem.

[momliz]

What would I do? Personally what I would do is not take the chance that my kids could get sick. Plus just dropping them off when he says he doesn't want them is going to cause drama which I try to avoid. I would just make arrangements if I wasn't going to be home. The kids have Grandma and Grandpa who can help out when needed and not everyone has support, I understand. I'm used to my ex being a bit of a flake and bailing at the last minute. If I didn't have a plan B firmly in place for such occassions I don't know what I'd do. Each parent has to do what makes the most sense to them. Good luck.

[momliz]

I'm going to dissent here.

If he is paying full table CS plus proportional s7 expenses, then that represents the sum total of his responsibilities to the children. Anything that he does above and beyond paying the CS is awesome, but optional.

If you are receiving table CS, then you are the parent. If you want the money, you need to accept the obligations that come along with the cash. If you want your ex to be a parent with responsibilities, then change your arrangement to one of shared custody.

If his regular (and, to most of us, bewildering) refusal to use access is causing you a problem, go to the courts to fix that. Until then, it is your problem.

I don't agree. Child support and access/custody are two seperate things. Every person is responsible for financially supporting their children. That's a given.

If he is supposed to have visitation but refuses his visit I suggest documenting these occurances. Once day when the kids are bigger and if he suddenly shows interest in his children you will have a documented history of his previous disinterest.

[arabian]

I agree with Janus.

IF you are the custodial parent you are responsible for your children. He doesn't want to see the kids. You have to accept it and move on. Be thankful he gave you warning. It probably screws with your plans but oh well. You have custody and that is all part of it.

Movie night in?

[OhMy]

Janus and Arabian have very valid points. Bottom line, you can't force someone to be a parent and make use of his/her access time.

It's too bad that he has done this. Typically after 2-3 days of antibiotics, strep throat if that is his valid reason starts to drastically improve.

I hope it works out and what ever happens this weekend or where the kids end up that they remain unaffected by it as much as possible and have a good weekend.

[Unevenplayingground]

I was a single mother with sole custody. If my ex called me because he was sick, I would definitely keep them home with me if it was contagious. I would have let him take the next weekend in exchange. I would rather have them enjoy their time with their father and not come home sick. Even if we had shared custody, and he was sick, I would sooner keep them until he was better. I would hope he would do the same favour for me, if the time ever arose.

[motherbear4]

Again, thanks to everyone. I seriously weighed the two big options, drop them off or just keep them, prior to posting here. Its a crappy road to walk trying to come to a decision. Your varying opinions are helping me to come to a decision.

At the end of the day, it really will be the kids upset either way. I'd rather have them home where they are wanted for this particular weekend, rather than where they are not.

[SadAndTired]

Well, if he really is sick, then okay. But if he consistently cancels then I think this theory applies...

Family Law Toronto :: Child Custody :: www.familylawtoronto.com

"The most serious complaints have to do with missed access. Access is considered at law to be the right of the child. It is not the right of the access parent nor is it a punishment of the custodial parent. It is the right of the child to maintain contact and develop a relationship with both parents.

When court ordered access does not take place because of the actions of one parent or the other, the party responsible can expect to be brought back to court. If the access parent consistently misses or cancels access, a judge may curtail the access. Raising a child as a single parent can be an exhausting, all-consuming exercise. The custodial parent has a right to the occasional weekend to him/herself. More importantly, the child has a right to see the access parent and he or she may be disappointed when access visits are cancelled by that parent.

If access is persistently missed, the court may order it be suspended rather than expose the child to future disappointments."

Sending my ex this link helped with "access" cancellations.

Hope it works out.