Father wont provide residential address, changed pick up location

[mama_pumpkin]

Hi all,
My ex has our son EOW, I moved 20 minutes away in June. Our court order says that he is to pick up our son every Friday and one Sunday I pick him up from his fathers residence, and the other Sunday he drops him off on Sunday nights at mine. In August he started to say he would just drop him off or got me to meet him in a park because it was closer. I became suspicious and found he had put the house up for rent. Every weekend after that our son (5 Years old) went to dads but at his fathers girlfriends house. I do not have her address, phone number, etc, but she is in a different city altogether. So from August to November I only have my ex's cell. Yesterday was my turn to pick up our son, even though he hadn't let me pick up since August. He texted me saying I was to pick him up in a town square in another city 45 minutes away, this adds to my driving time and since it is at 8pm at night means that our son won't even be home until almost 9pm, which I feel is far too late for a 5 year old.
I would like the access times to be changed to 6pm Sunday nights, and for him to either bring him directly home or to meet me in the original town that was agreed upon.
Talking to my ex about this and finding a solution is probably not going to happen, anything I can do?

[Mess]

At 5 years old, is the child in kindergarten? Would it work if the father just kept the child overnight and dropped off at school the next day? This elimates your driving time and reduces contact and conflict between you and the father.

[Tayken]

At 5 years old, is the child in kindergarten? Would it work if the father just kept the child overnight and dropped off at school the next day? This elimates your driving time and reduces contact and conflict between you and the father.

Or through a daycare provider if one exists... This is standard stuff that a court will order.

[Tayken]

In August he started to say he would just drop him off or got me to meet him in a park because it was closer. I became suspicious and found he had put the house up for rent.

How is this relevant though? Are you still on legal title to the property in question that has been put up for rent?

Every weekend after that our son (5 Years old) went to dads but at his fathers girlfriends house. I do not have her address, phone number, etc, but she is in a different city altogether.

Do you have the parent in question's cell phone number, email and other immediate contact information? That is at minimum all you need. If they are not leaving the country or even the province you should leave well enough alone. The parent in question has parental autoimmunity while the child is residing with them. Try to respect that unless a court order explicitly states that each parent is to advise the other when the child is not sleeping at their respective residential location.

So from August to November I only have my ex's cell.

Do you need anything else and for what purpose? You need an address for the service of documentation for court purposes etc...

Yesterday was my turn to pick up our son, even though he hadn't let me pick up since August. He texted me saying I was to pick him up in a town square in another city 45 minutes away, this adds to my driving time and since it is at 8pm at night means that our son won't even be home until almost 9pm, which I feel is far too late for a 5 year old.

It isn't an issue the court really will deal with. The way they will deal with it is to make a decision on an agreed upon location. It is your responsibility to request that the other party respect the existing agreement.

I would like the access times to be changed to 6pm Sunday nights, and for him to either bring him directly home or to meet me in the original town that was agreed upon.

Talking to my ex about this and finding a solution is probably not going to happen, anything I can do?

Recommend a mutually agreeable location that is equal distance from the two residences possibly. But, remember as the moving parent you may have to carry the burden of most of the driving and it will be your time with the child and not the other parent's that will be changed.

My recommendation would be for access to start at the end of school on Friday and the parent in question to pickup the child from school and access to end on the following Monday when school starts and the parent in question is to drop the child off at school.

For any Friday or Monday that is a holiday that the access parent pickup the child on the respective Thursday after school and/or drop off the child on the Tuesday morning at the school.

As it is EoW it is rare that a long weekend will happen and when applying maximum contact principals the court will just simplify the order so the access parent gets the long weekend for which the child is with them.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Janus]

How is this relevant though? Are you still on legal title to the property in question that has been put up for rent?

Perhaps she is hoping to have it considered as income so that she can extract more CS?

Either way, I agree with the above people. Let the father drop the kids off at school monday morning. Problem solved.

[Tayken]

Perhaps she is hoping to have it considered as income so that she can extract more CS?

Either way, I agree with the above people. Let the father drop the kids off at school monday morning. Problem solved.

That is another point that would make the knowledge of the rental property important. But, if it is on market for rent then there is evidence to the fact and under the Rules this income (if any) has to be reported in accordance with Rule 13.

Excellent point though as it does constitute income in accordance with the Rules. (the rent) I didn't even catch that one.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[mama_pumpkin]

The father has not contacted me about any change in his income. At last correspondence regarding his position, he had been terminated a month after I moved out and let me know he was unemployed and would not be paying spousal support. I don't know if he is now employed or if he's planning on showing the rental income. Either way, his residency has changed cities and I have no known address for him. He bought me out of the house so in terms of my having a claim in the house is not an issue. Our son is still alternate days at school, he doesnt have school on Mondays.

[Rioe]

So the father has moved out of the residence and didn't inform you. Presumably, he now resides with his girlfriend (or his father's girlfriend, I'm not clear). And he now wants you to do more driving as this new location seems to be further away.

I would say that as he has also moved, you are not obligated to do more than drive the equivalent distance to the previous location. Tell him you will continue to meet him at the old house, unless he can suggest a spot more to his liking that is not more driving for you.

And if the Sunday exchange time is not working too well for the child, suggest that it be done earlier, so he can be in bed at his normal bedtime, or that the ex keep him Sunday evening and drop him off at his usual Monday morning location (your home, or his daycare, since he doesn't go to school that day). Your ex can then pick the option he prefers.

I would try discussing it with him first, preferably over email so you have documentation that you tried, before you consider taking him to court to change your agreement, which is your other option.

[HammerDad]

The person that moves should be the one that bears the burden for the increase in travel.

That said, what does your agreement/order provide? If it reads "Mom shall pick up child from dads residence Sunday night at 8pm" you are stuck doing exactly that until the court order is changed. It really boils down to a cost benefit analysis. It will cost you a few thousand $$ to get the court order changed. If he is willing to mediate, then it would likely only cost $1k or so. So you must weigh the costs of trying to amend the order vs costs of doing the drive.

If your ex is willing to be reasonable, maybe a 1/2 way point could be agreed upon. But until the order is changed, one must abide by it.

As for the ex address, send the ex an email stating you recently became aware that the old house is now being rented and that he no longer resides there. Then request his new residential address so that you may have it in the event of emergency and for pickup purposes.