Child stress/anxiety from HCP seperation

[timberlandman]

it's been a year since my ex and I seperated physically since she had an affair and is now decided to move in with her lover with the child at the end of this month.The lover has 3 kids of his own who are teenagers of which I know that at least one of his kids uses drugs and alchol .
during this seperation She has committed herself to smearing me with false allegations and accusations to police (x2) and CAS in order to aleinate or have me loose the existing custody of my child. She continuously alienates me from my child at every turn and makes it very difficult to access my child and doesn't allow me to speak to her when I call.
I've addressed every allegation and accusation openly with authroities on all occasions and all reports/investigations were closed with the authorities commenting that thius is a typical HC divorce and they see this crap all the time.
My lawyer advised she will eventually loose all credibility with the authorities.
My child throughout the seperation keeps telling me of the things the mother is saying, instructing and doing. (ie. daddy is mean, a liar, not nice, not to hug or kiss daddy and so forth). Further the ex even instructed the child to call me by my first name and her lover "daddy"!
the child has gotten so confused as to who which man she is to call dad.
The child has been scratching /picking herself to a point where i had enough and took the child to a clinic to get checked out. the doctor immediately diagnoised the scratches as "self picking",,a form of self mutilation, prescribed ointment for the sores and suggested a child psychiatrist may be worth involving with a list of referals provided as well as to seek parenting coucelling for the parents.
I tried to speak to the ex of the clinic visit and my deep concern as to how this divorce has affected our daughter. She twisted my words , accussed me of child abuse and refused to accept my offer to engage councelling.
I've been wanting and asking the ex to engage in parenting councelling as a first step as I'm reluctant to expose my kid to a psychologist or psychiatrist as I want "us " the parents to get our acts together and effectively co-parent. The ex has refused to acknowledge my requests to do so.
My primary concern is my daughter who is 5 yrs old.

I have now received yet another call from CAS of which I'm sure the ex initiated as she routinely blames and accuses me for the physical sores while the child is in my care. She doesn't acknowlesdge the sores nor our daughters scratching herself was present while in her care yet these scratches have been present a number of weeks.

What can i do legally or otherwise to have this stuff stop and get this woman into councelling?
I'm now convincved on what i've read here and other sources , books I've bought and read (tug of war, how to survive a divorce in Canada) that I'm dealing with a narrsistic and HCP mother?
She only blames or accusses me and defends herself by taking a position that everything is ok with her, so it must be you.
The false accusaqtions, police reports and allegations to CAS are getting hard to bear anymore as I just want to be the best for my little girl as a concerned parent.

sorry for the long post but I desperately need help and direction as to what can be done as her actions are escalating for the worse for the child.

[OhMy]

You cannot change or control what your ex does. Let that go. Work on yourself and learn how to handle high conflict people. Takyen has posted a lot of literature on here about those matters. Often citing William Eddy- goggle it.

You can and should have your child see a psychiatrist, or psychologist. If you have EAP you can obtain one through them quickly. Reinforce that the doctor recommended one. If the mother disagrees, bring it up at the case conference.

The therapist has questions they ask to look for flags in young children. Children generally enjoy the visits especially if the parents are not in the room and they know anything they say stays private (unless there are issues concerning her safety).

If her mother refuses and says the child is fine, then suggest it would do no harm to have her seen then, but it would ease your concerns and at the very least ensure the child is in fact, 'just fine'. If she continues to refuse- bring it to the case conference.

Any parent involving CAS for true allegations would welcome a therapist to see a child. If she does not consent, this also looks bad for her and will cause a lot of doubt about the allegations towards you.

The judge at the case conference will tear you both a new one for not getting your daughter help.

Regardless of the cause it sounds like your child needs help psychologically now, not when her parents get on the same page with things.

[hadenough]

Just a suggestion: drop the "lover" reference and the fact that she had an affair. No one cares about that (court). It's your ex-wife and her (live-in) partner/boyfriend.

D5 should speak to a child psychologist/psych asap. That would be in her "best interests." *to my way of thinking, based on what you have said*

[timberlandman]

Thank you for the comments.
we are past the case conference (done) and have minutes of settlement being drafted into a seperartion agreement which she refuses to sign.

As per the agreement she must sell the house and payout my entitlement of which she did sell with a closing of Oct 30th but refuses to provide a copy of sale, refuses to advise of her BF's address where she'll be moving too.

My lawyer has received a letter from her lawyer stating all of the above and she is refusing to payout the settlement monies to me by Oct 30th.

As of yesterday, I have just learned she has (again) taken the child to CAS but this time with an anonimous accuser.
I have scheduled an appointment with the CAS SW next week and now fear she has ramped up the allegations even further.

I have nothing to hide as I had led my life and the parenting of my child in an exemplimentary fashion and love my daughter very much.

My family, lawyer and psychiatrist all tell me I'm dealing with a narrsistic , HCP personality but they haven't actioned anything.

I have diarized every visit with my daughter since she forced me out of the house last october 2011 on her initial allegations to CAs of child abuse. CAs investigation was immediately closed as no evidence whatsoever of abuse was determined.

I've logged and recorded every visit pickup and drop-off.
I've saved all the emails and have a record on my cellphone of all the calls, texts.

I've emplored the ex to seek parenting councelling to which she refuses.
I have researched several places on my own and thru EAP services and will be contacting them asap.
I have referrals to a child psychiatrist by the doctor after taking her to a clinic for the facial sores the child was inducing on herself.

In her retrobution to looking badly of accusing me rather than acting on the childs symptoms, the ex puts her spin on the truth and outright accuses me that i am the problem and at fault while the child is in my care. Further she says the child is fine with her...so it must be me.

2 days later I get the call from CAS!

What exactly can or should I do immediately in facing these ongoing allegations which she continues to mount against me at the child's expense?

I need to get the autorities seeing whats actually going on and have the ex to get help for the kids sake.
Is requesting CAs to remove her custody of the child even a possibility?
Is this propaganda of slander and defamation of character against me somthing I have to endure?

Your input is valued and desperately needed.
Thank you