Making sure im on the right path.

[SynGreis]

Hi guys and girls.

Just finally got verified so i can post

I'm not a stranger to court as i mainly deal with civil but as you can see I'm here for family.

Long story short.

knocked girlfriend up April 2011, avoided me for the pregnancy, went to go see my first born son day after birth jan 22 2012. after i called to say i was moving closer, told me might not be mine. she asked if i want dna test, was too pissed off to agree, told her to get other guy to do it. 2 weeks after mid feb told me wasnt mine didnt have to worry about it. week after she called me to say guy walked out, i told her i wanted to be involved since we knew each other for 8 years dating off/on. i told her i wanted to see the dna test to know for personal knowledge. she replied other guy didn't want to give it out because of CC info on it(since when??). i maintained i still wanted to see something saying he was the dad or saying i wasn't.

start of march 2012 she agreed to let me see my son 2 hours a week(shitty i know but i wanted to see my son regardless if blood or not) went on for 4 weeks, she cut me off thinking i wasn't trying hard enough(was trying the best i can with the time i had). kicked me out and told me to come back in may to see if i wanted to stick around. was thinking wtf is her problem. i thought just by showing up and caring for a child that wasn't mine was devotion enough.

end of may visit continued, some of my family met him finally in july. end of july 2012 i told her i wanted to stay at home and care for our son. she said no hes going to daycare. told her even with subsidized pricing its still 700+ bucks a month. she said no.

went home her dad calls up hassling me bout me hassling her about daycare. got pissed off and exchanged fighting words. i had to go to bc for most of august, got back and when i was suppose to go see my son she called me said not to visit or she will charge me with trespass.

this was 27th on a Tuesday. i told her im going to court to determine if its mine and putting in an application sent it by text to her. she called me a minute after told me it was mine the whole time but she didn't want me involved and thought i would walk away if i thought it wasn't mine.

Shit hit the fan, i was so pissed off i swore at her a few times and hung up before i said something i would regret.

went to go file an application and made sure i checked declaration of fatherhood/parenthood along with access. my affidavit pretty much summed up everything what happened.

she answered with claims of sole custody and support and she denied my entire application+affidavit and later reinforced some of my points in her answer(....?). she didnt agree with my access. my text messages alone can reinforce most of my affidavit and disprove half her answer.

i replied with sole custody should not be granted as final and that physical custody isn't an issue until January the birthday(obviously for breast feeding and etc....) and filed my financial statement to which they couldn't claim anything as i made next to no money.

i filed a notion of motion under emergency went to it was so sick i was trying to not pass out, did the stupidest thing i ever done is mediate and accidentally gave custody in a temporary order and consented somehow to 2 hours supervised a week. I am counting the days until i can get a new access order.

her mother and father is discriminating me for my finances and i have reason to believe they are attempting to do parental alienation.

case conference is filed for jan 29th 2013, I'm currently prepping an offer to settle to make myself look good and honestly try to resolve this before trial.

i have several people willing to do affidavits for me to attest to my character that I'm sincere and willing to care for my child. I'm also developing a young child parental plan to help with him growing up and in my care.

one of the things i asked for application is when mother goes back to work i want to care for the child instead of him being sent to childcare and wasting 700+. I was preparing a plan for the entire year to help educate my 1 year old son the best way i can. I am home schooled and self taught. i have a degree in web technology and i have 3 recommendations from professors attesting that i taken the final exam for computer programming, network administration and engineering technology. the letters says even though i didn't get a degree i met all expectations and requirements that would normally be needed to obtain a degree. its pretty much next best thing without dumping 20k.

I know that if this hits trial i have a damn good chance i would just destroy her, so i highly doubt she will get sole custody.

now this is what i gotta find out. is there anything i can do to improve my chances of getting what i want even higher.

what i want in point form is care for the child while mother is gone, custody to remain joint, pay support if and when i can(i have every intention and i try to pay whatever i can, paid support 150 for may, june, july so 450 in total).

[firhill]

now this is what i gotta find out. is there anything i can do to improve my chances of getting what i want

I'm sure some of the astute posters will offer some good advice in the morning.

Only suggestion I can offer is that you stop referring to the child as "it"

[SynGreis]

you know what i mean .

im fairly confident but i want to make sure my success is highest possible. if you guys need specific information don't hesitate to ask me.

[sahibjee]

1- you don't need court order to have DNA tested, it costs $100 to do it. its very very very very easy go to Home DNA & Paternity Tests: Legal Test Kits & Testing Services from GTL

2- if its proven that the kid is not yours, do what the other guy, withdraw your application and disappear.

[SynGreis]

no, the kid is mine she admit it on phone and in the answer, i want to see my own son hence this proceeding.

[sahibjee]

no, the kid is mine she admit it on phone and in the answer, i want to see my own son hence this proceeding.

even though you say you can prove half her affidavit is lies you can believe her on the matter of paternity? its your choice though i would strongly recommend getting the DNA done, it costs only $100.

also please be aware that based on the length of your relationship she can also ask for support for herself, your child, section 7 and so forth. so after DNA if its some one else's child think twice before stepping in, most people cant afford to pay all that, you may be making nothing right now, but even when you are making a lot, after paying support and meeting your expenses you will be "making nothing".

[SynGreis]

i have no intention of walking away, i never believed entirely about it not being mine, but when she told me it was mine and that she wanted me to walk away. she could have lied on the answer and said it wasnt mine and be done with it.

besides my style of working is..

1. all under the table
2. i have never filed taxes
3. i have no intention to leave her hanging out to dry, no problem.
4. i know enough about law that gifts are exempted. conveniently all that i work for are gifts.

[Mess]

The question of whether you would pay spousal support to her is unclear. You state she was your girlfriend, you don't state whether you lived together.

You would pay child support if the child lived primarily with her. If the child lived with you both within 60/40, you both "pay each other"; the parent with the higher income pays the other the difference.

You need to be clear about your "degree" and your employment prospects. You either have a degree, or you don't. If you don't, please don't say that you do. You may be knowledgable and have some experience, and you may be able to obtain employment based on recommedation letters. Whatever you put on your resume is between you and whoever you are applying for a job with; your court papers are far different. Only put on your court papers what is true and factually verifiable.

If you have the ability to work and earn an income, that is what you should be doing. Staying home and caring for the child will save a whole 700 per month. You are not capable of earning more than that? Licensed daycare is also Early Child Education and you will not be able to show that the child will suffer in any way. If you want to stay at home and parent you have to make a logical case for it. "I just want to" is not a logical case.

Your current 2 hours supervised a week should be ideally somewhere that an independant, unbiased third party is supervising you, and you can then request them to swear an affidavit attesting to your ability to care for the child and how well the child has bonded with you. If you are supervised by the mother, or the mother's family, given the antagonism you describe, you will likely get the opposite.

Hopefully you have the mother's comments in writing regarding the problems she has been giving you with access, and denying that you were the father. Be careful with text messages; how do you prove they are legitimate? Take your phone to a notary, have the texts typed out, have the notary examine your phone and swear that the record of the phone number they were sent from and the time and date are accurate. At trial it is unlikely a judge will want to look at your phone, you need to have this converted into easily admissible evidence.

Try to limit all communication to email, it is easier to print out and show the source address. Obviously retain the email on the server in case she denies she sent the emails. Your current situation where she may be limiting or denying access is what you want to have a clear record of. Any communications from her parents as well.

Stay off the phone, and limit conversations in person. It's too easy to get baited, and too hard to use these conversations as admissible evidence. You MUST above all keep control of your temper. DO NOT swear at the mother or her family, regardless of how much you are provoked. Right now they have the power and control; don't dig yourself into a hole by losing your temper. Yes, swearing at someone is losing your temper.

You have a strong case for joint custody; in fact you have a stronger case for sole legal custody by showing that she worked to exclude you from your childs life. In addition you must show that you would be a co-operative parent and work to include the mother in the child's life. By legal custody, that doesn't necessarily mean where the child lives, but it means decision making over healthcare, education, religion, and eventually sports or other activities.

You make a strong case by moving closer to the child. Detail this, detail any opportunities you have passed on to be close to the child.

You need to sort out you education and employment situation. You seem to be making conflicting arguments. You are educated, but say you don't have a degree. You say you are employable, but you want to stay home and care for the child. You don't say how you will support yourself. You say you will pay support, but you don't say whether you have a steady income, so there is nothing to say what support amount should be. You need to get all of this straightened out, both for your legal file, and for your life as a parent.

You will strengthen your case by taking parenting classes, and by showing, if you can, that you have strong local support network (family, friends) who can assist you when necessary.

You should verify that the child is yours with a DNA test. You should also make an issue with the courts that you were not (presumably) identified on the child's birth records as the father, and that you were not consulted about naming the child. You should seek to have the child's last name hyphenated.

[Mess]

besides my style of working is..

1. all under the table
2. i have never filed taxes
3. i have no intention to leave her hanging out to dry, no problem.
4. i know enough about law that gifts are exempted. conveniently all that i work for are gifts.

You aren't creating a persuasive legal argument with this.

[SynGreis]

The question of whether you would pay spousal support to her is unclear. You state she was your girlfriend, you don't state whether you lived together.

You would pay child support if the child lived primarily with her. If the child lived with you both within 60/40, you both "pay each other"; the parent with the higher income pays the other the difference.

You need to be clear about your "degree" and your employment prospects. You either have a degree, or you don't. If you don't, please don't say that you do. You may be knowledgable and have some experience, and you may be able to obtain employment based on recommedation letters. Whatever you put on your resume is between you and whoever you are applying for a job with; your court papers are far different. Only put on your court papers what is true and factually verifiable.

If you have the ability to work and earn an income, that is what you should be doing. Staying home and caring for the child will save a whole 700 per month. You are not capable of earning more than that? Licensed daycare is also Early Child Education and you will not be able to show that the child will suffer in any way. If you want to stay at home and parent you have to make a logical case for it. "I just want to" is not a logical case.

Your current 2 hours supervised a week should be ideally somewhere that an independant, unbiased third party is supervising you, and you can then request them to swear an affidavit attesting to your ability to care for the child and how well the child has bonded with you. If you are supervised by the mother, or the mother's family, given the antagonism you describe, you will likely get the opposite.

Hopefully you have the mother's comments in writing regarding the problems she has been giving you with access, and denying that you were the father. Be careful with text messages; how do you prove they are legitimate? Take your phone to a notary, have the texts typed out, have the notary examine your phone and swear that the record of the phone number they were sent from and the time and date are accurate. At trial it is unlikely a judge will want to look at your phone, you need to have this converted into easily admissible evidence.

Try to limit all communication to email, it is easier to print out and show the source address. Obviously retain the email on the server in case she denies she sent the emails. Your current situation where she may be limiting or denying access is what you want to have a clear record of. Any communications from her parents as well.

Stay off the phone, and limit conversations in person. It's too easy to get baited, and too hard to use these conversations as admissible evidence.

You have a strong case for joint custody; in fact you have a stronger case for sole legal custody by showing that she worked to exclude you from your childs life. In addition you must show that you would be a co-operative parent and work to include the mother in the child's life. By legal custody, that doesn't necessarily mean where the child lives, but it means decision making over healthcare, education, religion, and eventually sports or other activities.

You make a strong case by moving closer to the child. Detail this, detail any opportunities you have passed on to be close to the child.

You need to sort out you education and employment situation. You seem to be making conflicting arguments. You are educated, but say you don't have a degree. You say you are employable, but you want to stay home and care for the child. You don't say how you will support yourself. You say you will pay support, but you don't say whether you have a steady income, so there is nothing to say what support amount should be. You need to get all of this straightened out, both for your legal file, and for your life as a parent.

You will strengthen your case by taking parenting classes, and by showing, if you can, that you have strong local support network (family, friends) who can assist you when necessary.

ill dissect this by paragraphs.

1.we never lived together i only mentioned about child support spousal support wasnt even claimed by any of us.

2.she has a higher income, i dont value money as much as i do with knowledge and experience. i have more knowledge in application such as house building, technology and etc.. i COULD make a killing off of it, but im just not interested.

3. I officially have a degree in web technology, for computer programming, network administration and engineering technology i have recommendation letters which i still have and CAN use it as evidence if needed.

4.My job allows me to be extremely flexible. i have no set schedule for the day as long as i meet my deadline they (my contractors) do not care how i do as long as i finish it by a date. I am also preparing an entire parental plan somewhat of a course of activities, education and exercise for the child so we just wont be sitting at home doing nothing i will actively take part in the upbringing of my child and giving instructions and direction the best of my ability.

5. it was proposed, but in the end the gas prices would cost too much and i have no car at the time. the closest center is a 40 minute drive. we both live in the boonies where not a whole lot is going on.

6. in my case conference brief i put in a request for an order to release text messages and phone calls(logs not actual call) to certify to be true from the phone company as i made the argument that i can modify them and thus i do not want to give reason that i engaged in deceit. therefor somethign coming from straight from the phone company cannot be beaten. I dont anticipate anyone objecting this.

7. we both do not talk to each other on the phone anymore nor any texts, only by emails.

8. same as 7

9. i was aiming for legal custody as a bare minimum. that way the child can still remain at the mother since all his stuff is there. i already sent a formal letter to offer to settle as a preliminary attempt to settle this outside of court. my intention is to continue to allow the mother to be apart of our sons life. i cannot accept that it is good for the child that the mother be excluded. i know the responsibilities and i am more then happy to take those on in fact it excites me it allows me to do the things i couldnt do.

10. actually i already did. i used to live in windsor, which was 45 minute drive to the mothers place, i moved closer in order to be closer to my son and to hopefully spend more quality time with him.

10. my employment again is flexible my working hours can be anytime. so during the day i can care for my son and when mom gets back i can go to my place and work on my projects and contracts. i am self taught and i have degrees and recommendations that hold a lot of weight and so far they have been accepted on the contracts i was on.

11. i have already taken classes for parenting to make sure i didnt miss anything. i even have a certificate of completion from them. unfortunately my entire family is scattered and most of my friends is in windsor. good thing emergency clinic isnt far. but also the mothers family and friends pretty much all lives in cottam and cottam is very small. the furthest relative she has is a 5 minute drive. so if there is an emergency i can have a ride and ready to go within a minute. im sure i will have emergency numbers that will be left.

I also have several affidavits attesting my interactions with other kids and that it was a pleasant experience, to which i can use to justify my position and to show that i am willing to care for my son in a way that is beneficial.

i hope i answered your post.

[SynGreis]

Originally Posted by SynGreis
besides my style of working is..

1. all under the table
2. i have never filed taxes
3. i have no intention to leave her hanging out to dry, no problem.
4. i know enough about law that gifts are exempted. conveniently all that i work for are gifts.

You aren't creating a persuasive legal argument with this.
==================================================
im a non resident (legal crap dont ask its a mess) therefor i am not liable for taxes. article 13 of the income tax act. not to mention gifts cannot be declared.

as an alternative for the visit with supervision i notified them that im recording all the visits to protect myself and to ensure the proper recollecftion of the visit.

[Mess]

im a non resident (legal crap dont ask its a mess) therefor i am not liable for taxes. article 13 of the income tax act. not to mention gifts cannot be declared.

You are going to be challenged on this, don't bury your head. I don't care how you choose to live your life, but when you are in court the mother's lawyer will do everything they can to rip you apart.

If you want custody you have to have a stable job, a stable income, and a stable residence. You will need to show your legal status in Canada is settled. You will be expected to be paying taxes, somewhere. Under the table will not cut it.

as an alternative for the visit with supervision i notified them that im recording all the visits to protect myself and to ensure the proper recollecftion of the visit.

Recordings will not be admissible. Don't think that a judge will sit and listen to 2 hours of a child playing. What you need are independant observations. If the visits are in the mother's home or her parents', then change that. Take the child to a supervised parenting centre in town, find somewhere you can register. You need some facts to bring in with you. From what you describe I can almost guarentee that her parents will be swearing affidavits that you are not capable of caring for the child.

[hadenough]

"2.she has a higher income, i dont value money as much as i do with knowledge and experience. i have more knowledge in application such as house building, technology and etc.. i COULD make a killing off of it, but im just not interested."

That ^ and an arsenal of other statements you have made are not going to get you very far. Perhaps you should look into having Legal representation "gifted" to you, as it appears that you will not present very well on your own.

Get interested in obtaining the income that you claim you are capable of earning and start paying table amount CS, accordingly. I for one, can see why the mother would want the child enrolled in daycare. The general consensus on ie: daycare, does not share the same views as you do ("waste of money" etc).

Your entire approach needs an overhaul. The parenting class suggestion was an excellent one. Show an 'interest' in getting signed up for that. ASAP.

[SynGreis]

any and all monies i do get i have to use for myself because of hyper thyroids and it increases appetite to high levels. i have documents to prove this.

i already completed the parenting class.

as i remember reading on this post, the custody was awarded to the mother even though the father clearly had more money the issue was that is the mother capable in parenting the child. the quote was something like "several mothers are on welfare but are rich in parenting skills". I am rich in parenting skills even though im on assistance to help me get by.

i know very well the lawyer will TRY to rip me apart, theres not a whole lot she can really rip me apart. child support is not an issue they can bring forth because of my financial statement.

unfortunately in southwest ontario having a stable job is rare, the economy is beyond shit and judges know this very clearly. so having a stable job or not will not be held against anyone. i sat in in motions and there are several fathers who had no job but was still granted joint custody even 1 case was granted sole custody because the mother lied and pissed the judge off. i can apply that to my case.

obviously i wont be saying stuff like i COULD make a killing. probably not now as contracts is dead for months.

the recordings were only to be kept from me in case they wanted to bring something up. lets say the parents said i did this or that on this date. i would bring that audio in which i say the date every time on it and present it as evidence and get them to point out where i did this or that.

i really appreciate you guys sharing your thoughts and opinions. it gives me ideas on how to approach this so i appreciate your criticism.

[blinkandimgone]

any and all monies i do get i have to use for myself because of hyper thyroids and it increases appetite to high levels. i have documents to prove this.

If you've been to the doctor and have 'documents' to prove it, you'd also be well aware that hyperthyroidism is highly treatable with propranolol or other beta blockers, which are relatively cheap even if you don't have insurance coverage. This would seem a much more appropriate, inexpensive and healthier alternative to spends gads of money on food to deal with the weight loss and increased appetite.

You seem to have a lot of excuses as to why you aren`t doing what you should be in regards to supporting your child.