3 year old child still on bottle

[Stemmy]

Hello All,

I am currently the NCP and my Ex has temporary sole custody of our child (through lies and deceit told in court.) We are waiting for the OCL report but I am extremely concerned that she is still giving our child a bottle and she will be 3 years old in just over a week. It's my understanding that a child should be weaned from it starting at a year old but certainly by 2. I believe this is just pure laziness on my ex's part as I haven't given her a bottle in well over a year and she drinks perfectly fine without it. Is there anything that I can do for this as trying to rationalize and reason with the ex is just non-existent.

I know some of the health problems that can occur are premature wearing and loss of baby teeth which would be very painful and expensive to have to replace at such a young age. It can also affect speech and ears (which our daughter does have issues with)

Any suggestions? Do I just ignore it and hope that she starts weaning? I don't want to be running to court for every little thing but to me this can become a very serious issue if not tackled in the very near future.

[Janus]

Concerned as in "I want the bottle feeding to stop, nothing to do with the custody situation", or concerned as in "This is moronic, can I use this to my advantage to change the sole custody situation?"

I completely agree with you by the way, my kids were using regular (plastic) glasses (not sippycups) from the time they were 2 years-old, so a bottle at 3 is ludicrous. However, it does sound a little petty. Somehow, you have lost custody of your children, that is a major issue. I would work at resolving that situation, and rapidly. The bottle thing is, in my opinion, annoying but just a distraction.

[Stemmy]

Concerned as in "I want the bottle feeding to stop, nothing to do with the custody situation", or concerned as in "This is moronic, can I use this to my advantage to change the sole custody situation?"

I completely agree with you by the way, my kids were using regular (plastic) glasses (not sippycups) from the time they were 2 years-old, so a bottle at 3 is ludicrous. However, it does sound a little petty. Somehow, you have lost custody of your children, that is a major issue. I would work at resolving that situation, and rapidly. The bottle thing is, in my opinion, annoying but just a distraction.

Hello Janus,

I am concerned about the custody situation as well since it was obtained on false pretenses but I'm waiting for the OCL report to come out before I can do anything. I hired a lawyer at the end of May who is one of the best in my area and I have fully disclosed EVERYTHING to her.

The reason my ex got temp custody is because she lied in an affidavit about "problems" I caused at the hospital and her lawyer was able to get it in a motion last year. I'm trying to get it reversed as I have full proof that I was not the cause of the problems but my proof is an audio recording that I am having trouble getting transcribed.

In the mean time she has accused me of not feeding my daughter properly but I have witnessed her parents pulling up with my daughter in the vehicle with a bottle (no wonder she doesn't want to eat) and when I sent my ex a text message about it she did confirm that it was infact true. It is an annoyance as I believe it is laziness on my ex's part as she doesn't want to deal with her and worry about spilling but prolonged bottle use can certainly cause health and dental problems because of the lactose in milk and fructose in juices.

[hadenough]

I Agree with Janus.

Presumably you have far greater issues to address than the one described above.
It sounds like each of you hurl (some) petty accusations at one another.

Re; greater issues ^ - READ: Significant ones that would impact CUSTODY.

[WorkingDAD]

Hello All,

I am currently the NCP and my Ex has temporary sole custody of our child (through lies and deceit told in court.) We are waiting for the OCL report but I am extremely concerned that she is still giving our child a bottle and she will be 3 years old in just over a week. It's my understanding that a child should be weaned from it starting at a year old but certainly by 2. I believe this is just pure laziness on my ex's part as I haven't given her a bottle in well over a year and she drinks perfectly fine without it. Is there anything that I can do for this as trying to rationalize and reason with the ex is just non-existent.

I know some of the health problems that can occur are premature wearing and loss of baby teeth which would be very painful and expensive to have to replace at such a young age. It can also affect speech and ears (which our daughter does have issues with)

Any suggestions? Do I just ignore it and hope that she starts weaning? I don't want to be running to court for every little thing but to me this can become a very serious issue if not tackled in the very near future.

You said you waiting for OCL report. If that the case that you probably addressed that issue with OCL. So wait for report and see what will be there.

[wretchedotis]

how about breast feeding at three? Is that bad?

sorry - just being silly.

[court]

How would using a bottle at 3 cause premature wearing and loss of teeth anymore than a sippy cup would? Perhaps if they were falling asleep with the bottle in their mouth with something other than water in it. Toddler should be off bottle regardless, but really should not be a focus of yours. Seems you are understandably upset about your situation and are nit picking about inconsequential matters, matters you can do nothing about.

[wretchedotis]

i breast feed at 47 ... is that a problem?

LOL!
Surely you don't breast feed, so much as you have a mammory/oral compulsion??

I can relate to that.

[fireweb13]

Is the fact that your child is still using a bottle a problem, probably is but it could also be a comfort for them during this stressful time. Most likely it will cause premature dental problems but there is not much you can do. What you can do is make sure that you do not use a bottle while the child is at your house, and you can control what kind of parent you are, what you cannot do is control what happens at her place or what kind of parent she is. I doubt a judge would really care about a child using a bottle at this age, and it depends on the use of the bottle as well, is it your childs only form of nutrition while they are with Mom, or is it a comfort thing and is used once in awhile?
Biggest advice is that you cannot sweat the small things, you and mom are not together because you could not parent and get along together, you have different views on the world and raising a kid and that will cause you problems in the future, just love your child and make sure that even if you only have a small amount of time with them that they know that you are loving and stable, and that they have a home with you that is a retreat but also structured for them. Its not going to get much better for awhile, but keep cool and if you need to vent, this forum is much better then venting at your ex. Keep it cool in front of her and to the point.

[Stemmy]

Is the fact that your child is still using a bottle a problem, probably is but it could also be a comfort for them during this stressful time. Most likely it will cause premature dental problems but there is not much you can do. What you can do is make sure that you do not use a bottle while the child is at your house, and you can control what kind of parent you are, what you cannot do is control what happens at her place or what kind of parent she is. I doubt a judge would really care about a child using a bottle at this age, and it depends on the use of the bottle as well, is it your childs only form of nutrition while they are with Mom, or is it a comfort thing and is used once in awhile?
Biggest advice is that you cannot sweat the small things, you and mom are not together because you could not parent and get along together, you have different views on the world and raising a kid and that will cause you problems in the future, just love your child and make sure that even if you only have a small amount of time with them that they know that you are loving and stable, and that they have a home with you that is a retreat but also structured for them. Its not going to get much better for awhile, but keep cool and if you need to vent, this forum is much better then venting at your ex. Keep it cool in front of her and to the point.

Hello fireweb,

Thank you for your response, yes it is correct that the bottle can cause premature dental problems as the lactose and fructose from the liquids can pool in the mouth. The main reason we are not together is because my ex was very controlling and demanding. When I didn't have an opinion things went well but if I had an opinion on something all hell broke loose and she was constantly kicking me out of HER house! For the most part my opinion of the bottle is two fold. Unfortunatley as Tayken stresses I don't have cogent evidence and as such it is only a "he said/she said" but I fully believe it is 1. laziness on my ex's part. She will stay in bed all day and have her parents (or daycare) watch our daughter, or 2. to sabotage my feeding attempts when our daughter is with me. I have witnessed her sucking on a bottle in her parents car at drop off many times just before my visits and as a result I have an extremely difficult time getting her to eat during my time with her.

I'm looking forward to the OCL report and I'm certainly hopeful that the clinical investigator can get to the bottom of things as I really cannot afford and do not want to go through the difficult issues at trial. My case is very similar to WorkingDad's although she never called the police on me.

[fireweb13]

Hello fireweb,

I'm looking forward to the OCL report and I'm certainly hopeful that the clinical investigator can get to the bottom of things as I really cannot afford and do not want to go through the difficult issues at trial. My case is very similar to WorkingDad's although she never called the police on me.

When I say don't hold your breath for the OCL report I mean it. I don't mean to scare you but it may not be as strong in your favour as you hope. Also, judges do not rubber stamp OCL reports, so even if what the OCL says is in your favour it does not mean that the judge will care.

[Stemmy]

When I say don't hold your breath for the OCL report I mean it. I don't mean to scare you but it may not be as strong in your favour as you hope. Also, judges do not rubber stamp OCL reports, so even if what the OCL says is in your favour it does not mean that the judge will care.

I fully understand that although I do believe I provided relevant and cogent evidence as Tayken advocates. I want to be more than a part time parent to my daughter and certainly hope that I have proved that to the OCL investigator. As for not rubber stamping I believe WorkingDad proved that with his case last year which I have read most of and with some exceptions seems almost exactly like my situation.

[WorkingDAD]

I fully understand that although I do believe I provided relevant and cogent evidence as Tayken advocates. I want to be more than a part time parent to my daughter and certainly hope that I have proved that to the OCL investigator. As for not rubber stamping I believe WorkingDad proved that with his case last year which I have read most of and with some exceptions seems almost exactly like my situation.

Extracts from Nutrition for Healthy Term Infants, Statement of the Joint Working Group: Canadian Paediatric Society, Dietitians of Canada, Health Canada (2005).

Solid Foods

The transition to other solid foods, such as more textured purées, finger foods and table foods eaten by the rest of the family, takes place in the latter part of the second 6 months of life because infants are ready to chew and need more texture in their foods. Some infants go from semi-liquid cereals and puréed baby foods to finger foods and table foods in just a few months. Safe finger foods include bread crusts, dry toast, pieces of soft cooked vegetables and fruits, soft ripe fruit such as banana, cooked meat and poultry, and cheese cubes. At this time, most infants are developmentally ready to feed themselves and should be encouraged to do so (Hahn, 1993; Satter, 1990; Illingworth and Lister, 1964). Important feeding behaviours at this time include taking food from a spoon, chewing, self-feeding with fingers or a spoon, and independent drinking from a cup or bottle (Pridham, 1990; Satter, 1990). By 1 year of age, the ingestion of a variety of foods from the different food groups of Canada's Food Guide to Healthy Eating is desirable.

Nutrition in the Second Year

The development of healthy eating skills is a shared responsibility: parents and caregivers provide a selection of nutritious, age-appropriate foods, and decide when and where food is eaten; toddlers decide how much they want to eat and, at times, even whether they eat (Satter, 1987). To encourage healthy eating skills, parents and caregivers have an obligation to recognize and respond appropriately to their toddler's individual verbal and non-verbal hunger cues (e.g. restlessness or irritability) and to satiety cues such as turning the head away, refusing to eat, falling asleep or playing (Satter, 1990). Infants can be encouraged to feed themselves at the beginning of a meal when they are hungry, but may need help if they tire later in the meal. Pressuring infants to eat by using excessive verbal encouragement (e.g. "empty your bottle [or cup]" or "clean your plate") may lead to negative attitudes about eating, poor eating habits or excessive feeding that may foster excess weight gain (Campbell, 1994; Birch, 1992).

[WorkingDAD]

how about breast feeding at three? Is that bad?

sorry - just being silly.

didn't you hear that story ?

Mom Still Breast-Feeds 8-Year-old Son

[thorns]

First off has ANYONE considered that the child may have special needs, delay issues, even possibibly a diagnosis of some form. If the child does, than a child having a bottle of milk a couple times a day is not a problem. THis is confirmed by many doctors,pediatricians,developmental peds etc. My son has sensory processing issues,many diff delays, about a yr behind, and yes tons of services and treaments are in place and being followed. My three year old is on a bottle of milk 2 or so times a day and with everything else that is going on, its no big deal! Doctors agree...So to me that should of been the first thg asked to Stemmy instead of assumptions this child is average child. As I have learned with having a child with special needs, people assume that all children should do everything the same.. They dont!! My ex doesnt want to listen to what all the specialists and workers in place and thinks he knows more when he has his 10 hour access a week than them.. So being I have and am dealing with a total idiot, that isnt concerned about the childs best interest, I am the one who will continue to advocate for them. Oh I saw a mention about OCL lawyer, they are not all good at what they do, some dont even have medical reports,reccomendations for the child from specialists, and other important forms. So even when OCL discuss their reccomenadations,if all hasnt been looked at, which isnt best for the child, be prepared for full blown trial.. Before that happens a judge will be able to look at the OCL report and they can see all the wholes in the report. When the proof is provided to them as to the childs best interst, (and no not meaning me, my family or my ex thoughts) the experts!! I know myself I am prepared for trial, I do have the TOP lawyer in our area and around and I will go through it no problem. I have been told to expect 50-100k for trial.. If more, that will happen too.. Sorry for how I answered multiple things Stemmy wrote, but I think there is more than what is being said.. Just an idea anyway.