Weekends with dad and randoms girlfriends homes...

[court]

Those of you that have read previous posts know that I have a 5 year old girl, sole custody and an interesting access (suspended due to his ridiculous amount of cancellations) situation with her father.

I try to get her father to see her every other weekend when he wants her.

He moved last year, wouldn't tell me where he was living and after months of my pushing finally said he was living at his mothers. I know he doesn't live at his mothers. When I push this further he ensures me that on his weekends with our daughter he is staying at his mothers home. This so far has been how it goes. I like his mother. I feel comfortable with our child being there.
He seems to have a revolving door of girlfriends and sleeps over at their houses and brings our little girl with him on their weekends as of late. While my 5 year old really likes these women who are kind to her and present her with gifts, it bothers me in the sense that I now don't know where she is sleeping.

I don't know what my rights are as Sole Custody parent in this regard. I want him to have his weekends, I want him to be responsible with her, but of course I can't force this. Can he take her to these womens homes for sleep overs without telling me where he is taking her? Must I trust that, as her father, he is making a good decision and that she is in a safe neighborhood in a safe bed sleeping?
I don't believe he would put her in danger but am I entitled to know where she is sleeping at night? Does he have to inform me?

[Mess]

You can't do anything about it.

You can't take him to court for being a jackass. You can't get a court order that prevents him from spending time with his daughter and his girlfriend.

In general, think about it this way: if this behaviour were by a married couple, or someone who was widowed, would it be sufficient for children's services to step in? Would it be sufficient for the courts to apprehend the child and put her in foster care?

If it's not that serious, then you aren't going to get a court ruling that will restrict his behaviour. The same standards have to be applied to him as they are to every other parent in the province.

I'm not saying he is a good parent, or that this is a great idea, but what is really happening here? Regular sleepovers at a "friend's", being introduced to relatively casual acquaintences. Is the child watching them have sex or something?

[court]

No, I don't imagine anything innapropriate is going on. As irresponsible as he is at being a dad, he still keeps her safe. But I guess I figured he has a right to know where she is sleeping at night when she spends her time living with me, were he to ask. And I guess I thought I might have that same right. I just hate not knowing where she is. If I say "where are you sleeping with our daughter" he basically tells me to go eff myself. I just thought I might have a right to know. But since I know he won't put her in a dangerous situation I guess it's just none of my beezwax and I must trust.

[Mess]

I'm not saying you're wrong, and it should be no big deal for him to inform you, but you don't really have any recourse if he doesn't.

[hadenough]

It's true. ^ Mess is right. I totally understand everything you're saying and where your concerns lie. At least you are getting positive feedback from the child re: the girlfriends. Certainly it would be ideal to know where your 5 year old is sleeping/spending time esp since it doesn't sound like it's EVER at HIS residence (wherever that is.) Yes he's a jackass, but unfortunately if she's not in imminent danger, there's no law that prevents him from being a jackass.

It would be nice if some of these NCP's could spend some one on one quality time w/their kids but it seems to be a rarity. (And yes I know: some are very good/consistent). I've been through the same thing, but child is older now, which helps. It's always sad when people put their own needs in front of their child's.

[court]

It would be nice if some of these NCP's could spend some one on one quality time w/their kids but it seems to be a rarity. (And yes I know: some are very good/consistent). I've been through the same thing, but child is older now, which helps. It's always sad when people put their own needs in front of their child's.

So true! I agree.

Thanks for the advice. You guys are totally right. I'll suck it up since I know she is safe. At least she is old enough to tell me if anything odd goes on. It could be much worse.

[blinkandimgone]

No, I don't imagine anything innapropriate is going on. As irresponsible as he is at being a dad, he still keeps her safe. But I guess I figured he has a right to know where she is sleeping at night when she spends her time living with me, were he to ask. And I guess I thought I might have that same right. I just hate not knowing where she is. If I say "where are you sleeping with our daughter" he basically tells me to go eff myself. I just thought I might have a right to know. But since I know he won't put her in a dangerous situation I guess it's just none of my beezwax and I must trust.

Perhaps you might leave out the questions about where he is sleeping and simply inquire where your little person would be spending the night? If he has a cell phone and you can reach him in case of emergency, provided the child is not in any danger, it really shouldn't matter, in theory.

[HammerDad]

Outside of a filing requiring him to disclose his address, there isn't anything you can do. Canadian judges don't like morality clauses and the ones that are in agreements are effectively unenforcible.