Do i address, or not address EX's random cancellations?

[hadenough]

Just updating my thread. 7 months.. "Dad" has not seen child. Dad lives about 1/2 hour away (possibly less) but he does not take son for eow anymore. They don't talk on the phone or text msg. Neither of them initiate communication.

Our order has all these stipulations re: March Break (coming up), Xmas break etc. None of it is being exercised in terms of access.

I still think the access order should be varied to reflect the reality of the situation.

Ex is paying CS monthly (b/c he's forced to). The current arrears are in the 10's of thousands.

Son appears to have no problem with the arrangement that he does not see his father. I wonder sometimes if it will always be this way.

But for the CS pymts, it's almost as though he ceases to exist (like he died)

I honestly will never comprehend how someone can abandon their child. To not even have one shred of decency or conscience to extend a "hey, how are you - what have you been up to?"

It's disgraceful. It's also the reason why there is zero communication between me and the ex. Going on 6 years of near silence. I've only seen him when we've had Court. I do enjoy the silence. I just wish that he was decent/normal when it comes to our son. But he's not, and he's never going to be.

[arabian]

He's a loser. Doesn't say much for his significant other either, but then when one is insecure in their relationship they generally encourage this type of behavior. Yeah putting the child first certainly isn't on your ex's agenda. Beyond sad.

[Nadia]

That is very sad.

However, your son is obviously not lacking in support. It is far better to have one functional parent then two non-functional ones. There are so many children out there who do not even have one parent, or are being raised by grandparents or foster parents.

When I was very young (20 years ago) I had the opportunity to travel for long periods of time by myself on research trips, I often found that I was able to build up a community/family wherever I went. There was always someone who assumed the role of parents, grandparents and an elder brother/sister. Complete strangers who assumed these roles because they felt they should look out for me. I never felt alone, despite being half way across the world from my "real" family.

You will also find that as your son gets older he will be able to create his "own" community around him wherever he goes which will compliment your role in his life. There is also evidence to suggest that children that are without siblings are more likely to have an excellent set of social skills and are very good at making friends because they have always had to.

[hadenough]

Nadia those are excellent points you raise. Thank-you.

Arabian: agreed, he is a total loser. I will be filing a motion to vary soon. His income for one, needs to be imputed higher. New info has come to light.

It is difficult in some respects, being the "only" parent - but there are other aspects of it that I must admit really simplifies things. Imagine, if you will that the other parent ceases to "exist" --- that's what it's like. I know a few people who would be quite happy if their ex "didn't exist."

[hadenough]

What's not a 'nice thing' to say? I'm only being honest.

Yes, I rec'd your PM - and if you meant what you said, I'd think it was a lot more sincere if you posted it where everyone can see it.

Contrition is always a good thing. I have come to know a few of the nicest ppl from this forum. It/they have been such a tremendous help. I found this site later on (during my "court-daze") but what an eye-opener it has been.

[hadenough]

Lol, PS: I didn't say "dead" - I meant "awol, mia, disappeared" is all. Even our Judge commented that ex and I "hated eachother." It's no big secret.

I will add that after the fact, seeing that noted in our decision (the hate eachother part) it's a little embarassing. What's done is done. We can only strive to be better people, to learn more, to overcome challenges to the best of our abilities. I admit, it is a shame when parents hate one another. It truly is. Unfortunately, it's a reality in some cases.

[hadenough]

Thank you, oink.

Please keep an open-mind and acknowledge that both men and women are going through a difficult time with Family Law disputes. We get thrown into the "machine" and it's a high stakes game of wits and fortitude. Very intimidating for most people.

I have had to deal with a mammoth ordeal and it's not over yet. I don't go into the details on here. I'd lose far too much privacy if I did. I am living proof that some women get screwed over, large.

While some (men) might rejoice in that declaration, I can assure you that injustice is injustice, and there are some things that no one should have to be put through: not man or woman, and certainly not child/ren.

[arabian]

Thanks for that Oink. I'm sure you are going through a very tough time right now. For the most part I enjoy some bantering on this forum. I am certainly not without fault, having referred to someone last summer as a "breeder."

I have had a very rough go in my family court over the past 3 yrs. I have also had to deal with corporate issues which are all extremely time-consuming. I also work. I am 56 yrs old and fortunately in reasonably good health.

I realize that I frequently rub people the wrong way. I represent the "ex wife who receives indefinite spousal support." My ex made many errors along the way which I have been only too happy to share so that others do not make the same mistakes. I take the "devils advocate" position often and hope that my critique of someone's situation helps them to realize and alter the deficiency(s) in the argument they hope to succeed with in family court. With that said, it is important to realize that my eligibility for spousal support has been reviewed by 6 separate judges (each time my ex has taken me to court to have SS thrown out). With that in mind I feel that I can share first-hand personal experience in this area. I am far from being any sort of expert but from the sounds of things I have been in court more than many of the lawyers that have been retained by some posters.

All the SS in the world will never bring back my marriage or my flawed perception that I would spend my retirement and old age in comfort. Only I can make that happen.

[hadenough]

Aside from the fact that Dad is a card-carrying a-hole, I feel for my son not seeing his 2 younger (half) siblings. (Dad is remarried and in 5 years has 2 kids w/wife) - I wonder if someday they might have a relationship. (My son and the 2 kiddos).

While he was still seeing "Dad" - he really enjoyed spending time with the little ones. It's sad. Another casualty of all this.