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  • siblings and spit up

    My ex and i been separated for a 1 year and my oldest children live with me ages 13 and 15 , my ex has twin boys but the issue the is one twin age 12 does not want to live with his mom and want to live with me and his other brothers , I keep telling him just stay with your mom she needs you but he also told his brothers he wants out and if I keep telling him no will it impact him thinking i don't want him , but hes my little side kick always with me regardless and i truly would love to have him , but all i can see is blowup with ex . Any suggestions

  • #2
    My concern would be that the siblings grow further apart. Can you alter any of the existing schedule so you each get one on one time with each child during the week ? mom might like this idea as well as it could be bonding time that she'd also like. Try wording it as to how it would benefit her...

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    • #3
      Originally posted by sixfeetunder View Post
      My ex and i been separated for a 1 year and my oldest children live with me ages 13 and 15 , my ex has twin boys but the issue the is one twin age 12 does not want to live with his mom and want to live with me and his other brothers , I keep telling him just stay with your mom she needs you but he also told his brothers he wants out and if I keep telling him no will it impact him thinking i don't want him , but hes my little side kick always with me regardless and i truly would love to have him , but all i can see is blowup with ex . Any suggestions
      Watch your wording there. Don't tell him to stay with him mom because she needs him. That's putting a huge emotional burden on someone without the maturity to handle it, and is basically like trying to guilt him into staying with her. No child should be with a parent because the parent "needs him." They should be with a parent because that is best for the child.

      If he's your little sidekick and wants to live with you, then that should weigh heavily in your decision, as he's 12 years old and this is old enough to take his wishes into account.

      Why not suggest half the time with you and his older siblings, and half the time with his mom and twin? You can work out a schedule that gives quality time with everyone. It might be tricky, but there has to be some rotating system that lets all four brothers be together at the ex's house some weekends and yours some others, then the rest of the time they are with various different siblings.

      If the only reason to say no is that your ex will blow up, how is that helping anyone? The child loses out on equal contact with the parent he's close to because the ex like having temper tantrums??

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