And it continues.

[Fedupwithcrap]

For anyone that's been reading my posts.
Here's a brief run down.
Ex husband had access to the girls over Christmas, verbally assaulted both girls. The 10 year old bore the brunt of his rage.
Have been to court twice since Christmas.
Judge has ordered no access, except by way of telephone on Monday Wednesday and Friday at 7pm.
He has intermittently used his telephone access.
For two weeks he hasn't called the girls at all as he's been in Jamaica.

The children have been terribly sick with the flu since Wednesday.
I took them both to emergency at the local hospital Wednesday evening, after a 6 hour wait the Dr said they have the flu plenty of fluids and rest.

Their father was due back from Jamaica, late Thursday early Friday.
I figured he would call at 7pm as scheduled on Friday.
7pm came and went, 7:30 came and went no call. At quarter to 8 the girls could barely keep their eyes open. I asked them to please wait a few more minutes.
At 8pm when still no call I Told them to go ahead to bed, they happily complied.
I turned the ringer down on the phone and went to the other room.

I woke up 2 hours later to 10 text messages calling me down to the very lowest from him. He had tried to call at 8:30 and received no answer.
I didn't reply to his rude and degrading text messages as I know I would have been quite rude myself.

He also messaged our 12 year old daughter, via Facebook to let her know he "knew" her b**ch of a mother was behind the missed call, he was tired of his feelings being hurt by their mothers actions.
She was very upset by his message, she chose not to reply to her fathers message.

I have called the girls counsellor and let her know what happened this time.
Hoping to hear back from her Monday.
I'm just so fed up with his behavior, next court date is march 29th. I'll be sure to bring all of this up to the judge.

Thanks for listening everyone.
This message board has helped preserve what's left of my sanity

[standing on the sidelines]

you should have your daughter change her settings on facebook so he cannot contact her that way.

[Fedupwithcrap]

I can do that, I honestly never even thought of it.
It's a family Facebook account, it's made up of a combination of all of our names.
Thank you so much.

[standing on the sidelines]

yes there is a way to do it. You can google it and find out what settings you have to change. FB should be fun and not a way to get bullied or treated badly.

[Fedupwithcrap]

That's so true.
I told the girls the only way I'd allow Facebook was with all of us on one.
It's worked out really good up until now.
It's a great way to keep in touch with old friends and family members that don't live close by.
Again thank you so much.

[May_May]

Another suggestion (a bit over the top...but given this mans history and aggression level it might be worth pursuing) is to print a copy of the page (don't let the girls know what you are doing) and head down to your local police station with and ask them if you should be reporting this (bullying, intimidating...). Might be worthwhile having another report on him.

On a personal note...good luck-I can't imagine how much this must hurt you as their mother trying to help them deal with this. Glad they are seeing a counsellor...and you should as well ! I'm sure this is incredibly stressful...

[wretchedotis]

my suggestion.

don't turn the ringer on the phone down.
It's not terribly inconvenient f he calls 30 mins late, is it?

I think turning the phone off was really only feeding the fire.

[wretchedotis]

you should have your daughter change her settings on facebook so he cannot contact her that way.

I'm not sure this is the message you want to send? "I do not allow you contact with your kids".

Thats the message?

[blinkandimgone]

And both the kids were sick and asleep. She should wake them up to speak to him? How is THAT in the best interest of thde kids?

Their agreement says he has phone access with the kids, it doesn't say he has Facebook access with them. No court is going to rule that you must maintain facebook contact between any two people, much less a child who is likely to young to even have a facebook, by FB's TOU.

[Fedupwithcrap]

Thank you May_May,
It wouldn't hurt to have a little talk with the police, I will have to do it on Monday once the girls are back in school.
One of the hardest things is fending off the girls questions.
They'll ask "why does daddy do these things?"
A part of me wants to say its because hes an ass that only thinks of himself.
I however would not, and do not say that to them. I've been known to bite my tongue until it bleeds!!
My reply is "honey, I honestly don't know"
The counsellor has been great for the girls.
I do see a counsellor as well, I have a very hard time opening up to anyone, so it's a long process.
Again though many thanks for your wonderful advice.
Yet another shred of sanity preserved.

[standing on the sidelines]

I'm not sure this is the message you want to send? "I do not allow you contact with your kids".

Thats the message?

contact that is well mannered etc is okay. When he uses facebook to bully and blame then that is not the type of contact that is acceptable.

Your message would be that dad can say whatever he wants to you. just suck it up??

[Fedupwithcrap]

my suggestion.

don't turn the ringer on the phone down.
It's not terribly inconvenient f he calls 30 mins late, is it?

I think turning the phone off was really only feeding the fire.

If it would have been 30 minutes late it would have been fine, however it was an hour and a half past the time he was supposed to call. He had not called at all in a 2 week period so after them waiting on a call for an hour that may or may not even come in I told them it was ok to go ahead to bed.
I did turn the ringer down, so as not to disturb the girls, I didn't count on falling asleep in the chair myself.

[wretchedotis]

And both the kids were sick and asleep. She should wake them up to speak to him? How is THAT in the best interest of thde kids?

Their agreement says he has phone access with the kids, it doesn't say he has Facebook access with them. No court is going to rule that you must maintain facebook contact between any two people, much less a child who is likely to young to even have a facebook, by FB's TOU.

No of course not - they are asleep. But maybe just answering the phone to say "sorry you missed them - they're in bed" would have been more productive than what appears to have been an 'eff you for not calling on time' move on the chessboard.

Just saying that we all tend to create our own problems, or at least excaberate them by doing this sort of thing.

[standing on the sidelines]

No of course not - they are asleep. But maybe just answering the phone to say "sorry you missed them - they're in bed" would have been more productive than what appears to have been an 'eff you for not calling on time' move on the chessboard.

Just saying that we all tend to create our own problems, or at least excaberate them by doing this sort of thing.

she fell asleep, how is she suppose to answer the phone when she is asleep??? D you not think that the father has any fault in this???

[wretchedotis]

If it would have been 30 minutes late it would have been fine, however it was an hour and a half past the time he was supposed to call. He had not called at all in a 2 week period so after them waiting on a call for an hour that may or may not even come in I told them it was ok to go ahead to bed.
I did turn the ringer down, so as not to disturb the girls, I didn't count on falling asleep in the chair myself.

I think if you go before a judge and say "well an hour and a half is too late" you will get a strip torn off you. Just my opinion. Do whatever you like. Enjoy the consequences.