Bathing question

[Moolight]

My 12 yr old has huge body image issues. And my 9 yr old is not comfortable naked either. I just think that out of respect for developing girls, that their father doesnt make them have to tell him they dont want to shower with him or anyone else. They did say they wanted to shower alone and he got in anyway. Just weird to me imagining being the mom of a preteen boy Nd thinking it was ok to shower w him

It is quite normal at that age to request privacy. My daughter would have kick her dad out the bathroom. She once told him straight out that there is subject she does not wish to discuss with him and prefered to talk about these to a female. She did not left him any room for argument although he tried.

Dad has to respect that, encourage her to express her feeling clearly to her dad as this is also a skill needed in life. She can also lock the door. Dad should get the message.

[arabian]

apology accepted.... very good of you.

[Mess]

We don't have an exact picture of anything anyone writes on this forum. We give advice and opinions based on what the posters submit. .

Is that how it works? Sorry. I'll try to keep up.

[baclayton]

My 12 yr old has huge body image issues. And my 9 yr old is not comfortable naked either. I just think that out of respect for developing girls, that their father doesnt make them have to tell him they dont want to shower with him or anyone else. They did say they wanted to shower alone and he got in anyway. Just weird to me imagining being the mom of a preteen boy Nd thinking it was ok to shower w him

[arabian]

We don't have an exact picture of anything anyone writes on this forum. We give advice and opinions based on what the posters submit. I think it is prudent for mother to write to this forum and express her concern, seeking feedback, before she does or doesn't take action. She did say she was in the middle of court procedures at the time. I believe she is merely using us as a "sounding board."

We have conservative and not-so-conservative views on the subject. Up to the mother to make up her mind.

[Mess]

Or....what? Is he going to take you all to court and accuse you of bathing your children?

Ignore him, he's an ass.

I think the actual charge is "Bathing children without a license."

[Mess]

Well, I think we should all calm down.

We don't know if they are showering together because we don't have the videos. What we know (and mom knows) is something that the kids said.

If the 12 year old was complaining and being forced, I don't think that mom needs to come here and ask us what to do...

It could very well be a situation of having one bathroom, rotating as quickly as possible in the morning, and "together" means that one is in the shower while the other is drying off and brushing their teeth. It doesn't mean they are soaping each other up.

I think there is a spectrum here, and I think there is such a thing as too much togetherness but we don't have a clear picture of the actual situation. I'm not sure mom does either.

Edit to add: Oh yeah, my bias, we have one bathroom and have an agreement that anyone in the shower has to accept that someone may have to come in and use the toilet, since we all enjoy long showers. My 8 year old has in fact been known to shower for 45 minutes.

[arabian]

OK then I stand corrected and I guess I AM pushing my ideas of boundaries.

Showering with your children shows poor judgement in my opinion. I pity any kid having to endure this, particularly when they are over the toddler age. Yes I'll definitely go on the record on this one.

[billm]

billm: I merely stated what the opinion was of a friend who has a 12 yr old daughter. I am not "pushing" my idea on anyone.

LOL, you said showering with your children is 'sick'. How is that NOT pushing your ideas of boundaries?

[arabian]

billm: No I would not feel a sexual aspect. I never once showered naked with my son. We could afford the water for all of us to have our own individual showers. Who the hell wants to share the shower anyhow? Weird.

[arabian]

billm: I merely stated what the opinion was of a friend who has a 12 yr old daughter. I am not "pushing" my idea on anyone.

With all of the dysfunction of separated families that we hear about on this forum you'd think people would use their brains for once. Father is likely setting himself up for some problems in the future if the ex were to report it. Hopefully she will merely give the ex a call and talk to him about her concerns.

I am very happy that you are happy in your family situation.

[blinkandimgone]

And if the actions of the mother having sick thoughts about the father and his GF being pedophiles bother the father, he should call the police as well?

IMO, it's the mother that's taking it somewhere it shouldn't be, not the father. She seems to be the only one making a big deal of it. If everyone else is ok with it, and she's the only one who isn't, perhaps it time for her to rethink the situation.

[billm]

Just because television and print media show pictures of people without their clothes on doesn't make it right to let your children shower naked with adults. Its sick in my opinion.

Are you saying that if you were to be naked with your children in a shower, you would feel a sexual aspect?

[arabian]

What is in the best interests of the child. That is what matters in the end.

Many, many times innocuous actions turn ugly so why take the chance?

I have spoken to many, many victims of sexual abuse and incest. There is a pattern. If the actions of the father bother the mother then she should do what is best for her children. Might take a simple phone call to the father. If it wasn't a big deal the mother wouldn't have mentioned it on this forum. In my opinion she is correct in being concerned.

[billm]

I just asked a friend who has a 12 yr old daughter what she thought of this. She is with her spouse. Her response is simply - If I found out my significant other was showering with my 12 yr old I'd call the police.

People wonder why incest is an issue?

I'm all for nudity with consenting adults. Heck there are many nudist colonies in the area I live in. These are adult-only gatherings thank goodness.

Great, the police. I thought you were not into pushing your idea of boundaries on anyone?

There is nothing wrong with family nudity. It is wrong to apply the sickness of some people (pedophilia) onto the rest of us normal ones.

Nudity is a cultural thing, with some cultures avoiding it, and others ignoring it.

I grew up in a family that avoided nudity and bathroom sharing for the most part. However, my ex grew up with nudity and sharing a bathroom being a non issue. I found this to be what feels normal for me and now both my ex and I never shut the door in our bathrooms and nudity is a non issue.

I would not shower with my kids because sharing one shower head does not work! But if we were at a place similar to a locker room that had multiple open showers, we'd all shower together and wouldn't think twice about it.

Calling the police is unreasonable and certainly would do harm to the children. However, both parents need to be able to discuss these things and hopefully each will attempt to consider the other's opinion when parenting, however ultimately, what happens in each house is up to that parent.