Bathing question

[billm]

...
They range from accusations of me stealing my son's coat (he was returned wearing a differnet coat once)...

You and cashcow4ex could have quite a conversation over a beer about your ex's.

I don't have such problems with my ex, but when she accuses me of things that are so crazy (like stealing money from the kids bank accounts ), it really helps me put all her other other crap in its place that I can normally have self doubt about such as personal attacks.

[billm]

I hope u put your boxers on before u open the door for them !

Too funny!!! You gotta watch what you post

[May_May]

I hope u put your boxers on before u open the door for them !

[wretchedotis]

wretchedotis - your ex and her partner have issues. Issues that caused your child to be interrogated by police - that is bad parenting.

They sure do. I've been charged twice, and just recently filed and served 34 police occurance reports they have been the complaintant in over the last year and a half.

They range from accusations of me stealing my son's coat (he was returned wearing a differnet coat once), to Uttering threats and sexual misconduct.

One thing I will say - is that when one side obviously abuses the system by calling the cops - they catch on eventually.

Its funny to read the reports and notice the gradual transformation of police being unbiased and trying to do their job - to police having responded a million times to non-police matters and getting sick and tired of a parties obvious attempt to make someone else's life difficult.

There is one report where the cop literally names the other side as being the instigator/agressor/problem. Pure Gold.

[Nadia]

I don't think there is anything wrong with grown men hanging out naked around "each other" in the gym or hockey change room. Or a situation where "High school" aged students have to share a dorimatory showers with each other. Or where children have to share communal showers with other children. But I would draw a distinction between that and adult nudity around children aged 6.

No one has the right to make any judgements on how things work at any home. It is a personal choice. But when you post on a public forum like this, you have to expect some to agree with you and others who disagree and everything in between.

I do NOT think it is a reason to call CAS or police for that matter. Wretchodis, your ex is an idiot for contacting them.

[billm]

Sheesh...for goodness sake put on some boxers or underwear. I realize that is not the same as sleeping completely naked, but we do have to modify some of our ways once we have children.

It is one thing sleeping naked with your spouse/partner...not appropriate to be naked when sharing that bed with your six year old. Same goes for the shower. If he wants to get into the shower with you...slip on some underwear/swim shorts...

Of course this is my opinion only

Yes and you're welcome to it. I don't agree - I wouldn't shower with my girls now that they are older, but if my son wanted to jump in the shower before I was done, I would have no problem with that. I certainly would not put on clothing! I don't see what is wrong with a man being naked around his own son - its just not a deal, and does not feel wrong in any way to me.

Men hang out naked - hockey change room, gym showers, etc. but I have to cover up around my own son??

Myself, my ex, and my kids have no issue with nudity at all, we never shut the bathroom door etc. I don't sleep naked, but there is nothing wrong with that either.

What is wrong is seeing your kids sexually. BUT that is the tiny minority of people. What is wrong is letting the sick minority dictate what the rest of us do.

wretchedotis - your ex and her partner have issues. Issues that caused your child to be interrogated by police - that is bad parenting.

[wretchedotis]

Heh. You are certainly entitled to your opinion.

Maybe you grew up in a household where you never saw anyone naked.
Maybe you have issues with your body that you feel shame as a result.

Who can say?

I attended private school for my high school years. Lived in a Dormitory with 50 other boys. Showers were communal. Played many sports over the years. Change room usually have communal showers too. Should people wear bathing suits in those 'public' instances?

Certainly they should in 'private' instances like in their own home, I guess.

[Nadia]

Sheesh...for goodness sake put on some boxers or underwear. I realize that is not the same as sleeping completely naked, but we do have to modify some of our ways once we have children.

It is one thing sleeping naked with your spouse/partner...not appropriate to be naked when sharing that bed with your six year old. Same goes for the shower. If he wants to get into the shower with you...slip on some underwear/swim shorts...

Of course this is my opinion only

[wretchedotis]

My son is 6 years old.

About a month ago - I was showering and he asked if he could get in with me. I said yes.

The next day I get a call from CAS that the boy had been questioned at the local police station over it - as my ex's husband called the cops that I had had sexually abused my son.

That was the second instance. The first instance was about 6 months ago.
I (maybe a little too much info) sleep naked.
The boy occasionally crawls into bed with me in the morning.
This was emough for my ex to call police and have the boy questioned too.

Funny thing is, I slept naked the whole time my ex and I were together - so I find it a little odd she's offended by it now.

My point is - although I've experienced grief over these things - I have done nothing wrong and will continue to act in the same fashion. She can call the cops all she wants. there's no cure for being a dumbass.

I am my sons biggest advocate in all matters. If you feel the same way about your children, there will be no fault that can be placed upon you.

Oh, and I don't know the circumstances you went through. I was never interrogated as after the boys interviews the cops could not proceed. But if I had been asked to come in for an interview - I would have declined and sought legal advice before doing so. Basically, the second you figure out there's an allegation made about you (when dealing with police) shut the heck up. Refuse to make a statement.

[FightingForFamily]

Given the amount of scrutiny we have gone under already, we are very sensitive about this issue. Even though I may be present at bath time, both of us each wash our own children.

And to be frank, after literally being interrogated by police for hours about bathing my son due to ridiculous false allegations, I don't even try and wash my son's privates anymore. It's just not worth the risk of him going home and being grilled by my ex and saying I touched his privates, even when it was just to clean them with a wash cloth. I wish we didn't live in such a world and I could take better care of him but I've already been demonized for everything from helping with laundry at my girlfriend's house, to bathing and anything in between. When my son is at my place I even sleep on the couch to avoid potential allegations.

Still, I've learned the hard way that nothing can really save you from false allegations, even if the truth comes out in the end, the process is so dehumanizing and destructive to both kids and parents that it will ruin your life forever.

[zimyola]

I don't see a major issue here due to the fact you both are over-seeing this bath time but everyones views are different- there definitely should be a cut off age. With that being said...I do not completely agree with the non-parent bathing children. My issues are more with little girls. My ex is aware of my belief concerning his new girlfriend bathing my child (daughter)- then again, my child expressed her desire for privacy and does not want the new girlfriend doing this. My new boyfriend does not assist my child at anytime when she is undressed. I was abused as a child so, this may be the real issue here but it's our job to protect. Even though I would never be with anyone that concerned me (regarding abuse), this leaves a open door for accusations or opportunities. Maybe you should ask your girlfriend to ask her ex to make clear his beliefs and boundaries. Respect them and he will respect any issues or concerns she may have in the future. It really is a small issue to just avoid...summer is near and they can romp around in a pool together.

Goodluck to you!

[Nadia]

As long as a child is not being harmed in anyway, what happens at the other parents house is their business.

My ex and I have very different parenting methods and couldn't be more different culturally. There isn't an awful lot we agree upon in respect to the kids. The kids come home and tell me about stuff that they would never be allowed to do at my house. I don't necessarily like the way he does stuff but I've learned to live with it. I do not expect him to agree with the way I parent anymore then he would expect me to agree with his parenting. There has been the exceptional time, when medication has not been administered and I have had to demand it be adminisitered properly.

Getting one's knickers in a twist over young kids bathing together is just a way to heighten unnecessary conflict. What a fight to pick.

[TLCRN]

Bathing

Ask the government if you can bath your kids naked?

Crazy.

-No don't ask the Goverment if you can bathe your child but the appropriat age when bathing with an adult/parent and siblings for "peace of mind" since it seems to be a concern in THEIR HOUSEHOLD.

Makes no sense to us maybe but we are obviously NOT in their situation. Never been a concern in our case!

[CCB]

Yes, the ideal situation would be that both parents come to a reasonable agreement, even in two separate households. Unfortunately, the reality is that when you're dealing with a bitter, alientating person, there is no reasoning with them!!

[ddol1]

Hard to believe that young children with two responsable adults to watch over for safety - but water, toys and bubbles!!! Brings me back to some of the best times we had with our children - evn at 4 this would be ok but would this not be listen to the child - if they are happy and having a blast then let them enjoy themselves and as adults who were willing to spend quality family time with the children???

Please do not question yourselves and let your ex dictate where there is no right. You have the right to parent your child in any way that your family sees fit as long as things are "kept legal". Remember that you have rights as well as your ex but the experience (the fun with the kids in the tub) will last you a lifetime and your ex can't take that away from you. My kids still talk about their bubble bath time "fun in the tub" and when they got older we could tell when the time came that the kids now needed their private bubble bath times. They continued to enjoy bubble baths for many years alone as well.

Sure beats sitting in front of a tv or an xbox anyday!!!