Webcam access

[LostKingdom]

I dont live in Canada but have been travelling to canada 8 times a year for last three years to be with daughter (4 years of age).

When I am in Europe I do skype with kid 3 times a week. For the most part it has worked quite well. The mother always interfered/controled to some extent.

Late last year she reduced skype calls to twice a week. We recently got a custody ruling and she is ordered to facilitate skype calls 3 times a week as was before.

Since this she has really really being messing with skype - not turning up - saying she was online and I wasnt and the hardest part trying to make skype calls unpleasant/boring for our kid. (she wants them to fail).

Is there anything I can do? Can I ask for third party involvement in facilitating skype?

[raven70]

LostKingdom, I think i have replied to a post of yours in the past as i have respect for your willingness to be a father from a great distance.
I also travel for access for a 3 yr old son, 6 times yearly involving a flight accross
canada followed by a 5 hr drive in a rented car for access.
I have also had issues with the webcam, such as having the camara pointed into a dark corner and really only viewing my son 1-3 minutes out of 30 minuite court ordered webcam.
The reality is until our kids are older and want and can operate scype on thier own, we really can't do much, i share your frustration, the raven

[Tayken]

I dont live in Canada but have been travelling to canada 8 times a year for last three years to be with daughter (4 years of age).

When I am in Europe I do skype with kid 3 times a week. For the most part it has worked quite well. The mother always interfered/controled to some extent.

Late last year she reduced skype calls to twice a week. We recently got a custody ruling and she is ordered to facilitate skype calls 3 times a week as was before.

Since this she has really really being messing with skype - not turning up - saying she was online and I wasnt and the hardest part trying to make skype calls unpleasant/boring for our kid. (she wants them to fail).

Is there anything I can do? Can I ask for third party involvement in facilitating skype?

Make sure you have a third party witness who can supply an affidavit or testify regarding the allegations you are making. Document document document. Document everything... It is better to have an independent third party present (but not visible or heard) observing your interaction with your child.

This is standard fair for high conflict disordered personalities to do this. Interesting that you got Skype ordered. I have been looking for orders on CanLII to this effect. Has the decision been posted or was it done on agreement?

Furthermore, if you have a court order the other parent does this it is technically contempt. Now, I would document several incidents of contempt before even going there. The pattern has to be repetitive and you have to demonstrate that you made attempts etc...

Third party witness to the access denials is your best route. It could take months to put together enough evidence for a judge to consider. But, you already got the calls ordered from 2 a week to 3 a week.

The high conflict behavior may change. Hopefully it does but, in a few months after documenting it and it doesn't... You could always go on motion (contempt) and ask the court to address it. The remedy you have to really consider (what you want the court to do about it). I don't think from the sounds of it you are looking for the other parent to go to jail or be fined.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Tayken]

LostKingdom, I think i have replied to a post of yours in the past as i have respect for your willingness to be a father from a great distance.
I also travel for access for a 3 yr old son, 6 times yearly involving a flight accross
canada followed by a 5 hr drive in a rented car for access.
I have also had issues with the webcam, such as having the camara pointed into a dark corner and really only viewing my son 1-3 minutes out of 30 minuite court ordered webcam.
The reality is until our kids are older and want and can operate scype on thier own, we really can't do much, i share your frustration, the raven

Generally you should only really expect children of this age to stay engaged on the telephone for their combined age which is 9 minutes. On a webcam it should be longer but, at that age kids loose focus quickly.

Not many studies have been done from what I can find on duration and video conferencing calling (with regards to remote access). One would expect the children to be more engaged but, I can't find any supporting studies to support the theory (yet).

Good Luck!
Tayken

[WorkingDAD]

Well,
I had phone contact ordered twice a week from mom and once from me. In my case mom put kid in sleep on that time for lat month at least regularly.

I know it's all bullshit, because when he with me he never sleeps on that time. Only possible if you screw with his day nap.

I did put it in affidavit for contempt motion on this coming Friday, but decided to not ask this particular as contempt on notice of contempt (I already has 8 items there which much more clear).

Will see how it's goes... With all this beyond reasonable doubt thing kind of get tricky. Funny part is that mom actually serve me with a motion and replied with Contempt Cross Motion with more than 200 paras affidavit (with all tabs about 2 inches) and asking bunch of stuff including psychiatric assessment.

In my case I think it little easier because we have the same Judge. I meant he knows from the trial what she did. He mentioned it on his ruling and she did exectly the same one month after his ruling.

Will let you know how it goes...

[HammerDad]

Generally you should only really expect children of this age to stay engaged on the telephone for their combined age which is 9 minutes. On a webcam it should be longer but, at that age kids loose focus quickly.

Not many studies have been done from what I can find on duration and video conferencing calling (with regards to remote access). One would expect the children to be more engaged but, I can't find any supporting studies to support the theory (yet).

Good Luck!
Tayken

Agreed. My daughter is 6 and to try and keep her on the phone for longer then 4-5 minutes is like pulling teeth. She just doesn't have the attention span for it.

She did talk to her mom for 5-10 minutes when I first introduced skype on my vacation, but then the novelty wore off and it was back down to 4-5 minutes.

[LostKingdom]

HI - I've rereading my old posts.

The Skype interaction with my kid has been a tremendous success I believe. The calls last anything from 5 minutes up to 2 hours !! The kid is six now. Usually last 45 minutes to an hour.

I would advise any parent to persist as it can work (depending on the kids and parents personality I guess).

The calls are usually ended by other parent, but after 45 minutes or an hour that's fine.

When skype calls go the other way they last usually five minutes - but that could be because the kids lives with the other parent most of the time and doesn't have time to miss her? Also other parent seems more interested in what kid has eaten who she spoke to etc than actual kid so it can seem like an interrogation?

Anyway it can work with young kids (we've been doing it since she was less than 2).

[BGalbr567]

I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds awful.

[Beachnana]

My daughter uses an Tablet which only has Skype set up. Her son is 2 1/2. He knows to touch the picture if Dad and press the green button to Skype. Its fixed on a table in his room, at a angle that spans most ofmthe room. He can play with toys and show, Dad stuff.

Seems to work. Skype has been 30 mins with no problem. Its Dad who usuassly has to go. If child is loosing focus he goes off and plays, but noticed he often comes back tomthe tablet to talk about what he is playing with.

[LostKingdom]

When my kid was 2 or 3 -- she would go off and play but she liked to know I was still there and come back and start showing me stuff.

Some child psychologist insist it cant work with young children but my experience is the opposite

[Beachnana]

Exactly its like having a tv on in the room. My grandson plays and talks to the characters. He does not just sit still and watch. That is normal. Same with the skype. It goes on and he just plays and intereracts.

We have always kept a log. Dad has been asked to email a day and time he wants to skype and my daughter replies to confirm or offer another time if that one is not going to work.

Then skype goes on and we leave the room, mostly because he was trying to talk through child and Mom wanted that stopped.

Then a log is kept to ensure we have proof that we always respond to requests and always leave skype accessible for the period of time Dad wants.

Unfortunately Dad does not skyped that much, only when convenient and only for 10 mins. I think life gets in the way and he procrastinates and the. A week has gone by.

We tried instigating the sessions by turning the skype on, but it was not working because he would be busy, in a car driving or something and child would get bored and loose interest. He did not understand that Dad was not there when the machine was turned on, so we put the onus on Dad to let Mom know when he was available.

Still Skype is not a substitute for actual physical contact and Dad has not made the effort for 6 1/2 months, cudos to you for making a huge effort to have contact with your child. It will pay off, when child is,older and can just put on his own skype calls whenever.