Father's Rights if Mother not around?

[Harold Callahan]

Hi all! I hope all had a good Christmas/New Year I know it can be tough.

Quick legal question.

I assumed my Ex would be taking this week off to be with our son. I found out today that she will be at work and will be leaving him with her friends son who is 27, lives at home with his mom and has no job - this Wed Thurs and Friday while she is at work.

I see my son every other Weekend, we have no sep agreement, cour orders etc..

She will not give me any contact info! I don't feel right about him being alone with some guy I never met wanted to know if I had a right to have my son if my Wife is not watching him.

I am his father. What do you think..?

thanks in advance for any info or advice offered..

Harold

[Teenwolf]

I don't believe you have a right to take him back if the mom is not watching him. You get your access as per the court order. Understandably, there will be times when a babysitter is required during her access. She should, however, provide you with the babysitter contact info.

Are you pitching in S7 costs for this babysitter? If so, and you're willing/able to take the child, then there's no reason why you can't provide the child supervision, but you'll have to agree to that or get a judge on side with you.

[AngieJ]

I'm not sure what the exact term is, but you should have "Right of first refusal". My X and I have a section in our SA which clearly states that during my week with the children, if I am unable to provide care (due to work, etc) then I am to call the X and give him the first opportunity to care for the kids before I contact a babysitter, and the X would do the same by contacting me during his week with the kids.

I understand your discomfort about your child being with someone you don't know, I don't think there would be anything wrong with you talking to your X asking her if you could care for the child while she is at work this week (that is of course if you are in fact available to take care of him).

Good luck

Angie

[Berner_Faith]

Angie is right...there should be "right of first refusal"

However, if the mother wants her access time (or doesn't allow you to watch the child) she has every right to do so because it is her time. Just talk to her about it. If she wants to child in her house when she is done work then you should return the child. If she doesn't allow you to take the child during her time, not much you can do about it, she has the right to find a babysitter, even if you don't know him, but should provide contact info.

You get your access as per the court order

There is no court order or SA, that was already stated.

[Harold Callahan]

Thanks all - It makes sense to have this as part of any arrangment, I posted this in another section and this was brought up. It's very goos to know moving forward.

She has not given me the opportunity this time and not been open about the arrangment she has made this week.

Time to work on the separation agreement!?

thx

H

[Teenwolf]

Time to work on the separation agreement!?

Absolutely! And try to get a "right of first refusal" clause.

[Harold Callahan]

I'm thinking ahead we had the basis of one which was never formalized but helped set the general rules like pick up and drop off what weekend cycle etc. It is old and had an expiry date if I remember, when it expired, things were tense so we didn't get back to updating it.

Anyway I could use the old one to help build a new one but:

1. What if my Ex does not want to sign? (or we disagree on certain "clauses" and can't finalize it?)

2. Would it be better for me to wait until I have been able to change the status quo a little (more time with my son) so that I don't make it more difficult as I try to change the schedule towards that end?

3. Do we need a justice of the peace to authenticate it?


H

[baclayton]

What if the kids are left with his Gf on his time when he is away for work? I just dont see why ppl fight for access when they would rather play darts (these times I am not referring to above) or lie about being away, unless it is for the sole purpose of maintaining his percentage. Especially when I am more than willing to be flexible to make it up when he is not working out of town. There are times that he doesnt see them for weeks but makes sure that the Gf takes them to maintain time

[involveddad75]

First right of refusal is great if you can have it. I would state that anything over 2 hours would be good, anything shorter doesn't make sense. (again depending on distance between home) (less exchanges is better).
I have tried to argue this time and time again, but ex is completely opposed to it and it was never given in the order from trial.

[HammerDad]

I assumed my Ex would be taking this week off to be with our son. I found out today that she will be at work ....snip

Edit - God Damnit....I didn't realize that this thread was necro'd from years back........I have no idea why people resurrect ancient threads instead of just reading them and moving along.

It is for work, she can use any child care provider she chooses so long as they are not registered sex offenders or drug dealers.

I know there has been talk about ROFR here, but so many are wrong on the purpose. ROFR will almost never be enforceable when it comes to work. Most judges refuse to enforce them as a person is entitled to work, and the courts don't want people messing with their orders by trying to constantly take advantage of these clauses when a parent is trying to earn a living. ROFR are for instances where the parent is going out 4-6 hours for personal time and gets a baby-sitter.

Also, it needs to be a longer length. 2 hours so the other parent can go grocery shopping isn't gonna cut it. It needs to be a period of time longer than 4-6 hours. A better example would be an overnight or vacation.

ROFR are not there so that when a parent has to take off for an hour or two to get a hair cut and some groceries the other parent gets the kid. That would cause unnecessary back and forth, and open up the clause for games.

To be honest, most judges HATE ROFR and rarely order them in general, as they have found they end up being used for games between the parties.

To the OP - you have a bunch of issues. Your ex is wrong that she won't provide you with the details. You can send her a nice business like email requesting the contact details of the child's care providers as that is in the best interests of the child. But don't show up there asking for the kid, as you will look even worse than your ex does for refusing to give you the info, as you will have just justified her concerns.

Right now there is no custody agreement in place, so you guys have defacto joint custody. Start getting more time than just 1 night a week. If all you are getting is Wednesdays, that is less than any convict could get. Start making requests for more parenting time. Unless you want to be stuck with so little moving forward, you need to start asking for more now.

Then work on getting a custody agreement in place outlining your parenting time. You can work in a ROFR but know that they are not very enforceable. It would take a number of grievous actions by the ex in relation to the clause to get any attention from the court. Like going away on vacation without the kid regularly for days-weeks at a time.