Introduction

[007]

Hello everybody: I am fairly new to this but I have been pocking around for some time and participating in conversations. In case you wondering who this is, here is my story: I went through a marriage break up 5 years ago. We have to kids (boy and girl), they live with their mother and they are 19 and 17. It was not an ugly break up but it was not pleasant either. Ending a marriage with kids is never pleasant and unfortunately the kids always get hurt no matter how hard you try. I had a long struggle with my daughter since I was the one who left. Boys seem to take it a little different "as long as Dad is there for the Hockey Game" The girls are far more sensitive and unforgiving in some areas. Just my opinion. It took me almost 2 years and a lot of patience and understanding to win her trust back and establish a communication again. It was all good until 6 month ago when I started dating a woman which I am living with now. My daughter will not come near my apartment or her for that matter. I am not sure exactly if she does not like my girlfriend or if it means to her "she is replacing her mother". Not much I can do right now - time will tell. My son is better with the situation. The problem I am facing is holidays. If I want to take the kids away it has to be without my girlfriend otherwise they will not go. I am not asking for sympathy I am just telling my story. I have nobody to blame but myself. I left 5 years ago because there was somebody else (which is long gone) and I am paying for it now. I am still paying my child support and my ex wife and I are very civil most of the time.
I am mostly on call at my work and that gives me time to read the posts on this forum and maybe I could offer my opinion to some of you. Don't know much about court proceedings - never went this route.
Thanks and good luck to you all.

[HammerDad]

IMO, g/f's come and go, your kids are forever.

If you g/f cares about you she will understand that your relationship with your kids is very important and be willing to take a backseat in instances like this while you continue to rebuild your relationship with your kids.

Let the g/f know you will make it up to her, but this is just one of those times that the kids needs come first and that it shouldn't be this way next year.

[007]

You are absolutely right. So far it has not caused a problem with the g/f but who knows it might down the road. If it does I know what to do. I made the mistake once to let somebody come before my kids. Or I should say my own selfishness. A quote from the forum: "the grass is not greener on the other side - only if you water it (why not water it on your side) But at the end the weeds always take over" How true!!! My daughter is getting more grown up too and will understand in time (I hope) In the meantime I'll do the best I can, wait und be there when she is ready.