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  • #16
    I just reread my last post - a few lines were jibberish - sorry. I do have issues personally and as I concentrate my brain shuts off without my realizing it.... I usually reread but this time i didn't........ I also pass out mid post, try again, and again - sooner or later I hit send or I just hit the delete key when I discover what I typed really doesn't make much sense. Why I say this is for the plain reason that I have taken a few (actually it has taken more than a few) years to get a handle on this. For years my wife thought when I carried on conversations with absolutely no recollection, that I did it on purpose, and even more, that if I really loved her I would never do this, or I wouldn't just fall over in mid speech as either one of us spoke (in effect, passing out). She still claims I actually had control over what was happening to me.

    BeenThereTwice has good advice - you do need to get your house in really good order, even more so than most when facing seperation, for your own future, for your own protection - even that of your stbx. Here is a thought that entered my mind as i read this and a few other similar posts - your wife may not have control, she is spinning out of control, her life and everything around her, including sadly, you. You are leaving because you can't take it anymore. If you have seen the lawyer (probably not yet) one thing that you can think of is what and how are you going to swing this?

    I am not a professional anything when it comes to helping or giving any sort of concrete advice in the situation you face. What I present is a thought, possibly something you can pursue. No matter what follows, you must make the choices that are right for you, your health and your spirit. Life is short and you need to make a choice that takes your personal happiness and more, your future, into account over anything else. So now....... going out on a limb.....

    Your best protection today may be to stay married for now. Get super control of your finances and liabilities and most importantly figure out how to get your wife to want to get the help she needs. If you can get (perhaps help is a better word?) your wife onto the path of wellness (it can't be forced on her - she has to want it for herself) your role could be in this scenario, to do what it takes to get your wife to find the strength to get that help, to make the improvements in her own life so she can better able support herself. In otherwords, you take the time and energy to help your wife today, in turn you directly help yourself by potentially reducing your support liability tomorrow. It will be a win, win, win scenario. This may take a huge amount of effort and energy on your part at a time when you just want to through in the towel.....

    Think how different your situation could be if your wife got the help, she accepts the help, drastically turns her life around, begins to live a new life which is more stable and productive, she gets a steady job and after all that, you then again face the choice of what you want to do.


    • #17
      Let me add....

      Originally posted by ddol1 View Post
      Your best protection today may be to stay married for now.
      I was thinking exactly the same thing. As it is your are bleeding cash. You can't cope financially month over month. And if you separate, you will have no more cash, and double the housing cost. You aren't ready for that.


      • #18
        Good morning HJP

        I posted earlier about having my X put back on my Health Plan. I was able to do it at a cost of almost $1300.00. When I left I took him off of it so I had to pay from February 2011 to September 2011 to get him back on it. Whereas I was only paying $71.00 a month for myself it now costs me $206.00 a month. My X is also on a CPP Disability Pension and gets roughly $1040.00 per month and that's the high end. I would imagine if your wife has not reached 60 years of age and that she is on Ontario Disability Suppot Program (ODSP) My X's drugs cost more than $2,100.00 a month. My total income for the year is $27,000.00. We have been to court and my X was asking for $595.00 a month in Spousal Support. The judge said that both of us are seniors and neither one of us has any money to speak of. He awarded my X $144.00 a month + having to re-instate him on my H.P. When I turn 65 all support stops and so does the Health Care. I can live with this as it will be only for another 3 years. Luckily my X and I are only 3 months apart in age so I will only have to pay him SS for an extra 3 months until I turn 65. He turned 62 in September and I will turn 62 in January.

        Hope this helps


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