Man did I dig myself in a hole!

[cashcow4ex]

How long was your marriage? The normal duration for SS is 1/2 year to 1 year for each year of marriage. Were you guys married 15-30 years?

Again, mediator bent you over on that one if you agreed to it.

Did you get your agreement reviewed by a lawyer and receive independant legal advice? Or did your mediator draft up the agreement and you both signed without seeking further advice?

We were married for 9 years but together for 15 years. I did seek legal advice and he reviewed the agreement. Everyone thinks I got off easy because of her suposed low income. Everything would have turned out much differently had she gotten her taxes done for 2009 (36,000 after tax) and used them for mediation instead of the (16,000 before tax in 2008).

This is why I am thinking that if she comes back to me this august and says she wants her SS back. I will let her take me to court and take my chances with a judge. She will have to report her current actually income and not the income from 2008 when we lived in the country and her daycare suffered.

[HammerDad]

the seperation agreement saying she is entitled to 7-15 years of support.

How long was your marriage? The normal duration for SS is 1/2 year to 1 year for each year of marriage. Were you guys married 15-30 years?

Again, mediator bent you over on that one if you agreed to it.

Did you get your agreement reviewed by a lawyer and receive independant legal advice? Or did your mediator draft up the agreement and you both signed without seeking further advice?

[fieldgrey]

Thats correct workingdad. I paid my first year of support when I dont think I would have if she disclosed her 2009 earnings.
I am fine with that first year. I am not fine with the seperation agreement saying she is entitled to 7-15 years of support. Even though its been almost a year I havent had to pay her, its still being held over my head. Because she runs a home daycare her business can go up and down. I dont want to be her money back up if she decides to reduce her kids for a year to take a break. I also have to maintain a life insurance policy to cover the 15 years of support at $300 a month in the event of my death.

A layoff sample is not a marital asset until enacted: stand fast on that one, because the courts would want that in place in the event that termination happens and support needs to be continued.

You have two paths to resolution: mediation and motion

If you are dissatisfied with current mediator, find a new one. But beware that you can't keep trading them in until you find satisfaction. Mediation requires sawing-off at some point.

If you pursue a motion you will be in it for the long haul. You can file a motion to vary support under change in material circumstances clauses of the divorce and family law acts. This will become an issue of burden of proof.

If you are looking to reopen the agreement's other elements, such as duration of support, you will not have an easy time of it. Courts are reluctant to enter into issues of 'separation agreement remorse'.

However, if you rely on SSAG for support calcs and it comes out with a number of $0....then duration isn't going to be an issue, is it?

Suggestion: Focus on current amounts, either through mediation or the court. Once you've got it adjusted down to $0 through either method, the ball will be in your court. If your ex decides to deliberately reduce her income in following years, she will have to argue the reasonableness of that reduction at a new motion she will have to bring: the burden to prove that she shouldn't have income imputed to her will be her row to hoe.

If you go to a motion, you can throw in a request for repayment of previous over payments. You can try a reopening of the agreement duration clause too, using SSAG's recommendations, but that's going to be extremely tough.


And dude, I don't even know what to say about dog support.

FG

[cashcow4ex]

Thats correct workingdad. I paid my first year of support when I dont think I would have if she disclosed her 2009 earnings.
I am fine with that first year. I am not fine with the seperation agreement saying she is entitled to 7-15 years of support. Even though its been almost a year I havent had to pay her, its still being held over my head. Because she runs a home daycare her business can go up and down. I dont want to be her money back up if she decides to reduce her kids for a year to take a break. I also have to maintain a life insurance policy to cover the 15 years of support at $300 a month in the event of my death.

[WorkingDAD]

The separation agreement was finalized 2years ago. In the agreement we revisit spousal support every August. Last August when we sat down to review the spousal support the computer spit out a number of zero because she finally had to use the business amounts she should have used during mediation.

So that's my issue. Had we did mediation with the current 2009 totals the computer would have said her amount of entitlement would have been zero which would have drastically changed our negotiations for spousal support. In fact the mediator probably would have looked at our salaries and determined them to be fairly equal and therefore no spousal support would be granted. But because we had to use her 2008 income which was considerable smaller,they granted her spousal support.

So basically you paid SS for a year what you should not pay at all... I would consider to bring motion to get those monies back. Base on what you wrote that will give you some closure. Just make sure you keep positive balance between what it will cost you to get it back....

[cashcow4ex]

The separation agreement was finalized 2years ago. In the agreement we revisit spousal support every August. Last August when we sat down to review the spousal support the computer spit out a number of zero because she finally had to use the business amounts she should have used during mediation.

So that's my issue. Had we did mediation with the current 2009 totals the computer would have said her amount of entitlement would have been zero which would have drastically changed our negotiations for spousal support. In fact the mediator probably would have looked at our salaries and determined them to be fairly equal and therefore no spousal support would be granted. But because we had to use her 2008 income which was considerable smaller,they granted her spousal support.

[fieldgrey]

Cashcow4ex: what is the status of your agreement/divorce? Are you still negotiating or are you looking to vary an agreement already in place?

FG

[Mominneed]

I never cease to be amazed by the tactics in family court - that's totally ridiculous - both the dog support AND the possibly lay-off package. Sounds like that mediator isn't helping at all so I'd try a different route all-together...

As for SS, I think anything is possible until you have a full and final release which is why many lawyers now recommend an immediate payout for the release if it's manageable. I think even with a final order it could be re-opened but hey I could be wrong on that one.

[cashcow4ex]

lol, only access i get is when she needs a dog sitter while she goes south for vacations on all my hard earned money.

She said throughout mediation that her main concern is for the children. Yet she proved time and time again that her main concern was strictly financial. Case in point with the dog support. She even went to her lawyers to see if she had any rights to my then girlfriends bank account. She figured that she was entitled to a portion of her savings as well.

[HammerDad]

Does anyone know if my spousal support payment can go up if I got a promotion 2 years after we seperated? I know she is entitled to get an increase for child support. But I wonder about spousal support 2 years down the road?

Only if there is a clause in your court order/agreement that provides that SS may be reopened in event of changes of income....in which case that works both ways. Meaning, she can come after you if your income goes up for increased SS, but you can go after her to reduce SS should her income ever increase.

Your mediator bent you over. Unfortunately, mediators will generally lean on the person they feel is more willing to capitulate. And in your case, that was you.

The mediator may claim that future layoff is an asset, but unless they have caselaw to back that up I would tell them to get bent.

Support for the dog of $120 a month? Really?? Is it on a special meal plan consisting of truffles and caviar? Does it have significant health issues that warrant such expenses? Either way, I would say "I will take the dog". Should she baulk at that, I would argue that if she is unwilling to part with the animal, she should be responsible for maintaining it. Bizarrely enough, I have heard of this, but only in instances with individuals with uber-high incomes (like celebrities). Do you get "access" to the dog?

[WorkingDAD]

Does anyone know if my spousal support payment can go up if I got a promotion 2 years after we seperated? I know she is entitled to get an increase for child support. But I wonder about spousal support 2 years down the road?

if you do not have it in your agreement than I doubt.

[cashcow4ex]

Does anyone know if my spousal support payment can go up if I got a promotion 2 years after we seperated? I know she is entitled to get an increase for child support. But I wonder about spousal support 2 years down the road?

[WorkingDAD]

I wish I was. One thing you need to know is her father was also coaching her during our seperation and he was a president of a large union in the city. So you can imagine his demands.

I can. At least now we know where laid of package demand come from )))

[cashcow4ex]

I wish I was. One thing you need to know is her father was also coaching her during our seperation and he was a president of a large union in the city. So you can imagine his demands.

[WorkingDAD]

Hey your preaching to the choir here. But according to the mediator, the sample layoff is technically considered to be a marital asset. I have not officially looked into it as I only paid her $3,000 of it to get her to back off.

Afterall we are talking about my ex that on top of the child support and spousal support asked the mediator for $120.00 a month additional for dog support.

Common. dog support? You kidding right ?