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Heya:
Well, where to start? I'm not from Ontario, as the nickname implies I'm in New Brunswick....
Been separated for a year as of November, after 6 1/2 years of marriage. 4 kids, the oldest just turned 7 this year. Baby is a little over a year and a half now.
From what I am reading I seem to be in a rather unique situation compared to other Dad's, in that I'm in a pretty good position to challege for residential care and control. (She currently has this, due largely to an ex parte order she attempted to slap on me back in June, the judge ordered a return to the "on paper status quo" of 4 days with Mom, 3 days with me.
The reality is much much different, I have the kids between 51 and 58% of the time at a bare minimum, and am responsible for pretty well ALL major purchases thus far. (Snow gear, prescription eyeglasses, prescriptions, and the list goes on.) And yes, I have all my documentation in order to back this up.
I'm in regular contact with their school, requested my own copies of their report cards, my own parent teacher interviews, and have standing arrangements with the teachers to be contacted if the kids show up without lunches, weather appropriate clothing, their eyeglasses, and to be provided with any copies of notices that go home through the week on the day the children come home to me.
(Yes, she has forgotten each of those items over the last year, and the arrangement is basically "You need to use your contact procedure...which involves calling HER first (though in the last year, she has NEVER been reachable by the school when called) )
Currently I get to do all the transportation for the access, (we live across town), she enrolled the two oldest is a different school other than the one they were in previously (it's the one in her zone, and is therefore more convenient for her). I noted my extreme objections to this decision via email, and indicated that to make the transition easier for her (as her not having the kids to class on time was a HUGE issue last school year) I would tentatively agree to it.
She put up a huge stink last month about Xmas, and forced a return to the signed court order rather than the modification to the times we had negotiated via the lawyers (to accomodate the fact that the access time drop off/pick ups are at 8am, the kids school starts at 8:35am, and she is perpetually running 10-20 mins behind schedule).
It also was way more convenient to my new job (I got laid off from my old, better paying, more flexible job, due largely to having to step in with the children for care, or when the school couldn't reach her, or when they had to go to appointments, etc. literally at the last possible minute.)
After a month of constant pressure on my lawyer, I finally got him to get off his butt and get us to court, where she agreed (surprise surprise) to exactly what we had already agreed to twice. This time at least it's in a court order. My lawyer is an overpaid, uncommunicative idiot most of the time....but he's the only lawyer I can find with a free slot for a client. *sigh*
Their mother is quite content to sit on assistance, not work, look for work, or otherwise attempt to do anything to help improve her situation. She's held, and been fired from or quit, 5 jobs in the last year.... She's had two boyfriends, the first one (the one she originally hooked up with after deciding to leave) had a criminal history surrounding injury inflicted to a young child in the states, this latest guy seems somewhat better, at least he has no criminal record that I'm aware of anyway. In both cases she was calling them her "fiancee" within a week of moving in with them.
CPS (CAS to you Ontario folks) is involved with her household, over health issues for our youngest. He was underweight to the point that the Public Health nurse called CPS when the family doctor couldn't get a hold of her to make an appointment as the nurse requested. Nurse admitted this to me when I inquiried about it. I told her "Thank You". (It was the only reason that he actually was brought to the doctor and the pediatrician)
(We were in collaborative family law at that point, my ex was the "contact person" for medical appointments and had fought tooth and nail for me NOT to do it, 4 weeks after being told to make an appointment with the family doctor, CPS became involved and I was able to successfully argue for being made the primary contact for the baby's medical issues, and was able to secure appointments within 48 hours of this being agreed on)
The baby is now doing well, downright chubby, and generally a happy little guy. Of course there is the never ending trade off of getting him back with a bloody raw bum, giving him back with it cleared up, getting him back with a bloody raw bum...rinse/repeat, etc. And yes, when I saw "bloody raw" I mean that quite literally...it bleeds when it's wiped it's so raw. I've had to take him to the local emergency clinic twice now to have something prescribed for it. But it's not a "child protection" issue, or so I'm told.
CPS has not closed their case on her, and remains involved. (Though I have some serious reservations about the assigned worker, to the point that I've had to contact the Minister of Social Development as well as the ombudsman over some of the things that were done, or not done as the case may be)
She moves to a new place on average once every other month, usually because she spends the welfare cheque she receives on things other than her rent, or otherwise attempts to live well outside her means. Conversely I've been in the same spot for the last 4 years, I had to do some serious sweet talking to NOT lose the house we were renting when she bailed with 2 months of rent, 2 months worth of power, and 80% of my paycheck...but I did it.
I've been told on multiple occasions that she's "lucky to have a phone" or "needs to borrow $20 for bread/milk" (this a day after telling me about her awesome new waitressing job, and the fact she bought like 6 zombies after work with her tips because she gets them half price, etc, etc.)
Of course, when she moves in haste, and has said something similar to the above shortly before, I typically request her CPS worker go and check up on the new home, to ensure the kids have proper beds (she moves from "fully furnished" places to spots she won't tell me the address on) and sufficient food in the home. CPS worker usually ignores my requests, and I've generally given up hope of CPS actually doing the job they are being paid to do, but I make a point to document the possible issues anyway.
I'm sure that I'm going to get responses varying from "you lucky bastard" to just "you bastard"...but I don't pay CS currently. (ratified under court order).
Reason being, the fact she sits her ass on assistance would mean that ANY CS I pay comes off dollar for dollar from her cheque,and the table amount of support would be enough that she would not qualify for assistance. Currently I turn over the amount I receive for CCTB/UCCB to her, (I filed for it back in August, and based purely off the interim order it was determined I'm entitled to it 6 months a year and was switched over to me in November) and she's "allowed" to appeal the decision of CCRA to award it to me. The only reason she agreed to waive CS pending the parental capacity study we're currently undergoing would be the fact I filed for CCTB.
She's convinced legal aid to cover her lawyer (twice now), once for the collaborative process, and now once for the litigation. It's not supposed to be possible, but she's somehow done it.
I'll have had the children for 17 days this month, assuming she doesn't pull her "I can't/won't come get them at the time/place the court order says" again....she was supposed to get them this evening, but I got an email asking me to keep them an extra two days because she's moving...(again).
I'm impressed because I actually got 3 hours notice on having to rearrange my life, as opposed to the 10 mins I usually receive. *sigh*
Anyway, that's my story so far. The Parental Capacity study apparently is the biggest piece fo the puzzle in my battle to ensure my children are actually taken care of...at least according to the overpaid lawyer.
Well, where to start? I'm not from Ontario, as the nickname implies I'm in New Brunswick....
Been separated for a year as of November, after 6 1/2 years of marriage. 4 kids, the oldest just turned 7 this year. Baby is a little over a year and a half now.
From what I am reading I seem to be in a rather unique situation compared to other Dad's, in that I'm in a pretty good position to challege for residential care and control. (She currently has this, due largely to an ex parte order she attempted to slap on me back in June, the judge ordered a return to the "on paper status quo" of 4 days with Mom, 3 days with me.
The reality is much much different, I have the kids between 51 and 58% of the time at a bare minimum, and am responsible for pretty well ALL major purchases thus far. (Snow gear, prescription eyeglasses, prescriptions, and the list goes on.) And yes, I have all my documentation in order to back this up.
I'm in regular contact with their school, requested my own copies of their report cards, my own parent teacher interviews, and have standing arrangements with the teachers to be contacted if the kids show up without lunches, weather appropriate clothing, their eyeglasses, and to be provided with any copies of notices that go home through the week on the day the children come home to me.
(Yes, she has forgotten each of those items over the last year, and the arrangement is basically "You need to use your contact procedure...which involves calling HER first (though in the last year, she has NEVER been reachable by the school when called) )
Currently I get to do all the transportation for the access, (we live across town), she enrolled the two oldest is a different school other than the one they were in previously (it's the one in her zone, and is therefore more convenient for her). I noted my extreme objections to this decision via email, and indicated that to make the transition easier for her (as her not having the kids to class on time was a HUGE issue last school year) I would tentatively agree to it.
She put up a huge stink last month about Xmas, and forced a return to the signed court order rather than the modification to the times we had negotiated via the lawyers (to accomodate the fact that the access time drop off/pick ups are at 8am, the kids school starts at 8:35am, and she is perpetually running 10-20 mins behind schedule).
It also was way more convenient to my new job (I got laid off from my old, better paying, more flexible job, due largely to having to step in with the children for care, or when the school couldn't reach her, or when they had to go to appointments, etc. literally at the last possible minute.)
After a month of constant pressure on my lawyer, I finally got him to get off his butt and get us to court, where she agreed (surprise surprise) to exactly what we had already agreed to twice. This time at least it's in a court order. My lawyer is an overpaid, uncommunicative idiot most of the time....but he's the only lawyer I can find with a free slot for a client. *sigh*
Their mother is quite content to sit on assistance, not work, look for work, or otherwise attempt to do anything to help improve her situation. She's held, and been fired from or quit, 5 jobs in the last year.... She's had two boyfriends, the first one (the one she originally hooked up with after deciding to leave) had a criminal history surrounding injury inflicted to a young child in the states, this latest guy seems somewhat better, at least he has no criminal record that I'm aware of anyway. In both cases she was calling them her "fiancee" within a week of moving in with them.
CPS (CAS to you Ontario folks) is involved with her household, over health issues for our youngest. He was underweight to the point that the Public Health nurse called CPS when the family doctor couldn't get a hold of her to make an appointment as the nurse requested. Nurse admitted this to me when I inquiried about it. I told her "Thank You". (It was the only reason that he actually was brought to the doctor and the pediatrician)
(We were in collaborative family law at that point, my ex was the "contact person" for medical appointments and had fought tooth and nail for me NOT to do it, 4 weeks after being told to make an appointment with the family doctor, CPS became involved and I was able to successfully argue for being made the primary contact for the baby's medical issues, and was able to secure appointments within 48 hours of this being agreed on)
The baby is now doing well, downright chubby, and generally a happy little guy. Of course there is the never ending trade off of getting him back with a bloody raw bum, giving him back with it cleared up, getting him back with a bloody raw bum...rinse/repeat, etc. And yes, when I saw "bloody raw" I mean that quite literally...it bleeds when it's wiped it's so raw. I've had to take him to the local emergency clinic twice now to have something prescribed for it. But it's not a "child protection" issue, or so I'm told.
CPS has not closed their case on her, and remains involved. (Though I have some serious reservations about the assigned worker, to the point that I've had to contact the Minister of Social Development as well as the ombudsman over some of the things that were done, or not done as the case may be)
She moves to a new place on average once every other month, usually because she spends the welfare cheque she receives on things other than her rent, or otherwise attempts to live well outside her means. Conversely I've been in the same spot for the last 4 years, I had to do some serious sweet talking to NOT lose the house we were renting when she bailed with 2 months of rent, 2 months worth of power, and 80% of my paycheck...but I did it.
I've been told on multiple occasions that she's "lucky to have a phone" or "needs to borrow $20 for bread/milk" (this a day after telling me about her awesome new waitressing job, and the fact she bought like 6 zombies after work with her tips because she gets them half price, etc, etc.)
Of course, when she moves in haste, and has said something similar to the above shortly before, I typically request her CPS worker go and check up on the new home, to ensure the kids have proper beds (she moves from "fully furnished" places to spots she won't tell me the address on) and sufficient food in the home. CPS worker usually ignores my requests, and I've generally given up hope of CPS actually doing the job they are being paid to do, but I make a point to document the possible issues anyway.
I'm sure that I'm going to get responses varying from "you lucky bastard" to just "you bastard"...but I don't pay CS currently. (ratified under court order).
Reason being, the fact she sits her ass on assistance would mean that ANY CS I pay comes off dollar for dollar from her cheque,and the table amount of support would be enough that she would not qualify for assistance. Currently I turn over the amount I receive for CCTB/UCCB to her, (I filed for it back in August, and based purely off the interim order it was determined I'm entitled to it 6 months a year and was switched over to me in November) and she's "allowed" to appeal the decision of CCRA to award it to me. The only reason she agreed to waive CS pending the parental capacity study we're currently undergoing would be the fact I filed for CCTB.
She's convinced legal aid to cover her lawyer (twice now), once for the collaborative process, and now once for the litigation. It's not supposed to be possible, but she's somehow done it.
I'll have had the children for 17 days this month, assuming she doesn't pull her "I can't/won't come get them at the time/place the court order says" again....she was supposed to get them this evening, but I got an email asking me to keep them an extra two days because she's moving...(again).
I'm impressed because I actually got 3 hours notice on having to rearrange my life, as opposed to the 10 mins I usually receive. *sigh*
Anyway, that's my story so far. The Parental Capacity study apparently is the biggest piece fo the puzzle in my battle to ensure my children are actually taken care of...at least according to the overpaid lawyer.
. So much for the 3 days on paper that she keeps insisting is the "status quo". 
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