need advise.

[greatmom]

Hi, I'm greatmom and new to the forum. I need some advise if anyone could help me please. My husband is a gambling addicted and doesn't want to seek for help. Many time I threaten him to leave with the kids in order to wake him up from the addiction. But he never takes it seriously, he knows me so well that I would never done such a thing because I love my kids dearly and I want them to have a family with a dad and a mom. Right now, I'm so desperated, he's not willing to change even I gave him so many chances. I want to take a decision of divorcing him. I heard that before you divorce, you should be separated, is it right? I really don't know how it works. I would like to have some advise from you before I see a lawyer. If I file for a separation and my husband doesn't agree and doesn't want to sign, would it be still in effect? is there any expired date? I know that my husband doesn't want a divorce, because many time I have talked, especially the last 15 months, he never want to say anything.

First I want to bring the kids with me to go to my parents in Montreal to live there without doing any legal document. Would it be OK to do that and just to see how thing goes and file for a divorce after. Could him suit me for bringing the kids without any legal document? Would I be in trouble in future of getting the matrimonial house? I just want to have a wake up call for him before getting any legal document. I don't know which one is appropriate? Leave him before filing for separation/divorce or file the separation/divorce before leaving. How long It would take if I file a separation?

Any advises would be very appreciated.

If not, do you know any good family lawyer in ottawa(west), ontario, to refer to me.

Thank you very much.

[standing on the sidelines]

I can undertand the gambling problem. My husband had one when we met and it did cause us some problems. I am happy to say that he now has control of it and he was one the one that made the choice to change.

You say that you have threatened to take the kids and leave many times before but didn't. He now thinks that everytime you threaten something that you will not follow through. How old are the kids and are they in school? If they are still in school try and wait until they finish the school year before leaving with the kids. It will be horrible for them because of the separation but to have to change schools so near the end of the term would make it even worse for them.

My advice is this. Wait until the kids finish school (if even one of them is enrolled) and if you work get a temporaty leave of absence from your job. Then go live with your parents with the kids for one month and then talk to him and see what he thinks. It may be the wake up call that he needs and to see that you are serious about leaving him. After the month if he decides that he doesn't want to get help with the gambling then decide from there what to do. I would hold off on the divorce and file for a separation after the one month.

Make sure that you take important papers with you like copies of mortgages, loans bank account numbers etc.

I really wish you luck and keep reading the forum and asking questions so in case he doesn't change you can get as much information from the more experienced posters

[greatmom]

Thank you very much for your advise, I'm really appreciated it. I have 4 kids from 6 months old to 13 years old. I will wait for them to finish school first, and then go from there. Thank you again.

[ResponsibleMom]

Gambling

"Hugs"
My ex is a gambling and sex addict. Often the two run together,please go to your Dr and get checked out.
People who gamble often cheat,defraud and desparately try to control the situation to keep the status quo. I was personally defrauded of my complete salary from a government job, he embezzled from our company and embezzled money from a non profit charity in order to supply his addictions. His behaviour was extreme and controlling , anything to control his supply. I was his business partner and he literally stopped my paycheck because I refused to sign cheques to a third party because it was to fund his addiction. I was forced to use a foodbank simply because I was applying due dilligence and trying to stop his erratic behaviour. I spent 70,000 in legal fee's, had police intervention,underwent physical and emotional abuse from this person ( including death threats)
You will need to be white as snow. Do not do anything illegal and proceed with caution. I have read case after case of women running away from abusive situations and their ex taking them to court and winning.
People who do not admit they have addiction issues are extremely controlling and have a negative influence on their children. No one in their right mind would want to live with that.
If you have proof of his gambling, get copies of your bank accounts,take pictures or get affidavits from supportive friends who can relay truthful information to the court about your spouses behaviour.
If your spouse and threatened you don't be afraid to contact the police and your local womens shelter. Actually please contact the shelter as soon as you can, each location has a legal coordinator to help you.
My thoughts are with you ...

[greatmom]

Thank you very much for your input. You made me realize certain thing that I have never thought. I don't think that he's cheated on me but I will see if there is any clue . I'm glad to have your advise and also scare because of certain thing that would happen to me too. He's never threaten or physically abuse me, but who knows down the road when the addiction is too strong. I will take all in consideration. Thank you again.