time to intoduce myself

[rollingesto]

That had also been my understanding so had been planning accordingly, I was afraid for a moment that I missed a change....will till give him a piece of the proceeds.
He’s paid the property tax and insurance, I most of the maint/repair. Fair market rent for even half the house is far more than what he is paying so as I see it it’s win-win. He saves $ and I get the increase in value.

[iona6656]

F
I think you are right in that the obligation does not last forever. I wonder what the limitation period is. I feel I have read it in some case law but I'm not recalling off the top of my head.

6 years from date of separation.

s 7(3) of Ontario's Family Law Act

[Janus]

No equalization, I will still give him half of net separation date value because it’s fair

Fair might be half of the current value, given that you have only been paying for half of the HELOC. Who has paid for repairs and maintenance during this time? Who has paid the property tax?

but at 8 years post separation/2 past divorce is there a legal obligation to equalize assets?

I think you are right in that the obligation does not last forever. I wonder what the limitation period is. I feel I have read it in some case law but I'm not recalling off the top of my head.


Might be worth a search to figure that out.

[rollingesto]

No equalization, I will still give him half of net separation date value because it’s fair but at 8 years post separation/2 past divorce is there a legal obligation to equalize assets? And yes I am still paying half of what I called a mortgage, but it’s actually a HELOC that was used to finance a jointly owned business rather than to buy the house. House was free and clear before that.

[Berner_Faith]

Well was equalization ever done? Even if the home is just in your name it’s still a marital asset that needs to be split. If you never did a separation agreement and the house has never been dealt with you can’t just up and sell. It’s still an asset that needs to be dealt with. You stated two years ago you were paying half the mortgage and ex was paying the other half and other bills... has this changed? Looks like you need a lawyer again and this should have been dealt with two years ago


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[rollingesto]

So some time has elapsed (cough)...divorced almost 2 years, never did do the SA - just filed for divorce
Kids are older, D22 is done post secondary and entirely self sufficient in TO, S20 is 3rd year Uni out of town. X still lives in the mat home (my name only) now it’s about our shared custody senior canine....he can’t manage her on his own with his work schedule and I am afraid if I take her he will lose it, plus he is well armed. Years ago he would tell me (often) that he would be leaving me and the kids & only taking the dog, so I don’t want to rock that boat.
Beloved pooch is getting on and I want to be prepared. He isn’t paying any rent so not a tenant per se, anybody know if I need paperwork to oust him when I am ready to sell?

[stripes]

He was fine and we could talk while he had a romantic interest but turned hostile again when that fizzled. The abuse I referred to was verbal and had been ongoing (almost always under the influence) for over a decade, it never escalated to physical although I feared it would and I left when it got too stressful.

This part just jumped out at me because I've got a little bit of been-there-done-that in that respect. You probably know this already, but if your ex has a substance problem, at his (presumed) age it's probably not going to get better, and as it gets worse his behavior will become more and more erratic. People with substance-abuse issues, whether it rises to actual addiction or not, can be much more unpredictable and vindictive than "ordinary" people. All the more reason for you to hammer out a firm, ironclad legal agreement which spells out in precise detail exactly how you will conduct your shared parenting lives, including "sunset" clauses for disposing of the marital home once the kids are out of high school.

If you are being "too generous" or relying on day-to-day improvised arrangements, that works fine when the ex is doing okay, but the day may come when you want a solid legal document behind you when he hits a downward spiral (for instance, I think mcdreamy is right that you could be vulnerable to table CS if you don't have an agreement which clearly states shared parenting, and your ex decides to go for maximum money).

[Links17]

I mean, there are a few of neighbours I'd sleep with but I don't think I'd be popular in the community - if you sleep with enough of your neighbours you get promoted from "Home Wrecker" to "Neighbourhood Destroyer"....

[rollingesto]

I get it, no worries!

[Links17]

except the sleeping with my neighbour...while technically correct, that is not an accurate representation of the situation)

Didn't need to dignify that with a response it was inappropriate, I was just struck by the irony. Sorry in any case.

[rollingesto]

OK, haven't figured out how the quotes work so will respond to the best of my ability as a group. First of all, Thank You all for the suggestions and comments (except the sleeping with my neighbour...while technically correct, that is not an accurate representation of the situation).

Yes, initially things were fairly amicable and ex and I agreed to the basic framework we have in place re: kids and house. It works well, he has never attempted to restrict my access to kids or house. He was fine and we could talk while he had a romantic interest but turned hostile again when that fizzled. The abuse I referred to was verbal and had been ongoing (almost always under the influence) for over a decade, it never escalated to physical although I feared it would and I left when it got too stressful.

I am working with an experienced lawyer and he did not see any problem with me leaving mat. home though he also feels I have been too generous. Ex CAN afford to carry the current home with benefit of my equity and could not hope to get any comparable space for less than he is paying now, I am willing to facilitate this until both are finished high school so that kids don't have to move, I just feel this is better for everybody when looking at the big picture.

Kids are teenagers, I am not worried about custody issues and don't expect this will go to court. They spend time at each house as it suits them...son has never likes sleeping anywhere else, daughter is here overnight frequently. As for my availability, yes I do work. I am fortunate to have a position where my presence in office is entirely at my discretion, I can come and go as I please and often work from home. Accountant, I have been privy to many separation agreements so have a decent idea of what can be...

As for ex's 2nd lawyer ??!! no clue. I would guess maybe his lawyer concurred with some of my points when I responded to the draft agreement and ex didn't agree himself. The basic draft re: kids/house was pretty good. Cottage/property division issues I didn't like to be described in a separate post/forum.

[Pursuinghappiness]

I left the house because it was an abusive situation, the kids were becoming aware of that, and I had a place to go.

I'm curious as why you didn't apply for exclusive possession of the house?

I am OK with the' "birds nest" arrangement until both done high school, kids are my resposibility 6am-6pm M-F plus many evenings and weekends, no set schedule.

Just my opinion but I think the nesting arrangement when you've got an ex who sounds hostile is going to be difficult in the long-term. Did he start out more agreeable and is now getting more difficult? Has he tried to restrict your access to the house/children at any time?

I agree with what McDreamy said. I'd be cautious because while you're trying to reach an agreement, it sounds to me like your ex is maybe getting ready to wage battle. You may have put yourself into a precarious position with leaving the marital home without the kids. Do you have a lawyer or are you drafting the agreement on your own?

[mcdreamy]

Welcome rollingstone - given the date of your marriage, I'm going to guesstimate our kidlets are of roughly approximate age.

As Mess and Berner have pointed out, I too think you are going to have future issues with payment of cs and s7 if your ex pursues. Although I appreciate you are taking the position that you are paying the bulk of s7 in lieu of cs, it doesn't really work that way. Your situation could very easily turn to payment of table cs, with proportionate s7 in addition. And given that you are available to the kids daily, does that mean you aren't currently employed? An imputed income to you isn't out of the field either.

Isn't it odd that your ex has decided to engage a 2nd lawyer even before you have an initial written separation agreement? Any idea what his issue was with the 1st?

I think you truly need to focus on dealing with the matrimonial home. It needs to be dealt with, and your ex needs to find different living accomodations more appropriate for his financial means.

Your children are the age of mine - in less than 5 years, the ex will need to be motivated to move on. Best to do it now without talk of SS, while he perhaps may have some motivation. In moving out, you have given him the financial upper hand at the moment. [I understand why you moved, I left my mat home as well, with all equity behind, for the benefit of our kidlet. But I knew full well the financial repercussions when I did so]. I think you've been far too kind.

And, as in any online community, be wary of comments that are Google search/cut/paste, or completely plageurized. And, as always, none of us are lawyers - always best to seek legal advice.

[Mess]

Just to point out, not everyone goes to court, and not everyone calculates support to the 40% rule. It sounds like they have a collaborative agreement that is working for them.

What strikes me here is that despite a very flexible, collaborative agreement, rollingesto feels that her ex isn't co-operative enough. But I'm sure she will explain more fully in other threads.

[FWB]

@Links17.....

How is this helping the OP?

-you are sleeping with your neighbor...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Not to rain on your parade, but since you moved out, your ex has a very good chance of getting exclusive possession.

This is true....status quo and all that

They have chose to remain in the mat home, which means you will eventually be on the hook for cs, most likely full table amount, unless they spend 40% of their time at your place.

OP...This is indeed the picture right there with regards to the kids and child support, so prepare accordingly