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Ok first post, have been lurking for a long time. A brief (long) background and then a question.
We were married for 16 years, ex was a student for all of those years. Ex took many extra years to get his PhD in physics. Yes I married a student. His income was student loans, TA work, lab work and some teaching at University level and a part time job in a grocery store. Not all at once but over the years.
I stayed home with our two daughters D1 18 and D2 16 for 10 years and ran a home daycare. We did ok financially but we were paying University tuition for 16 years, so yes it was tight. I took a one year admin course and got an admin job when the kids were older.
We separated in September of 2010, it was pretty amicable and ex stayed in the basement for a year while we cleared up some of the debt, and ex got used to the idea of going our separate ways.
When our oldest was 12 she was diagnosed with Asperger’s and we self-diagnosed the ex. There was no equity in the house, purchased house July 2010, and we decided that I would keep the house and the kids would live there, and ex would get an apartment, the mortgage and dead are still in both of our names and when the term is up we will transfer it all to me and he will get nothing. I have been paying mortgage and upkeep since Ex moved out, we split the bills when ex lived in the basement.
We had no assets to speak of and the kids were 16 and 14 when ex moved out. Access was open, ex could see the kids whenever. The oldest ended up moving to ex’s apartment because it was a block from her high school (I would have done the same thing, rolls out of bed 20 mins before class). Ex comes over to the house at least once a week to do his laundry and visit with youngest, she also goes over to the apartment some. Kids have keys to both homes. Ex is also invited over for all holidays and birthdays and spends the night on Christmas eve. (Amicable, I treat ex like a favorite relative; the kids wanted it this way and we just make it work)
Both kids have part time jobs now and ex and I both have to make plans to spend any time with them.
Our incomes are almost equal, 42,000 ish. Ex pays me what ex calls support (ex came up with the amount and pays based on the two kids even though one lives with ex) Ex says that it is not child support or spousal support. Ex deposits this money into an account we still hold together (mortgage account). Ex started paying less when oldest turned 18 and school ended for the year, $588 down to $360. Ex comes up with the calculation himself?
We did not split up our debt equally, (It was student debt for PhD) I had trouble swallowing that but we did use student loans to live on as a family. I took 12,000 of the debt and ex took 24,000. This is aprox.
When ex is struggling financially, I tell ex not to pay me anything, ex insists on eventually paying. I also don’t believe there should any support because our incomes are so close, ex insists. Ex also splits with me the cost of the girl’s expenses. I guess you would call them section 7. Ex requires me to supply a list with the dates and from which of my accounts or credit card the item was purchased form, no receipts just the list? And then calculates how much ex has spent on D1 and then spits it evenly and pays me any that ex feels is owed.
We do have a separation agreement, we created it ourselves, it is not signed. In it ex has written up his crazy support payment plan. Ex explains that this is topping me up now so I won’t go after ex when ex gets a good job and has money and it is covering ex’s behind? (Waited 16 years for that to happen not holding my breath) Ex is still covered on my work benefits and does take some expensive meds. My benefits will cut him off when we divorce. This is the only reason I have not filed. Ex doesn’t want any part of my pension (4 years of my pension) that ex is eligible to split and wrote that into the agreement.
I feel this is an unusual separation situation, my question is: should I be concerned, I feel vulnerable?
We were married for 16 years, ex was a student for all of those years. Ex took many extra years to get his PhD in physics. Yes I married a student. His income was student loans, TA work, lab work and some teaching at University level and a part time job in a grocery store. Not all at once but over the years.
I stayed home with our two daughters D1 18 and D2 16 for 10 years and ran a home daycare. We did ok financially but we were paying University tuition for 16 years, so yes it was tight. I took a one year admin course and got an admin job when the kids were older.
We separated in September of 2010, it was pretty amicable and ex stayed in the basement for a year while we cleared up some of the debt, and ex got used to the idea of going our separate ways.
When our oldest was 12 she was diagnosed with Asperger’s and we self-diagnosed the ex. There was no equity in the house, purchased house July 2010, and we decided that I would keep the house and the kids would live there, and ex would get an apartment, the mortgage and dead are still in both of our names and when the term is up we will transfer it all to me and he will get nothing. I have been paying mortgage and upkeep since Ex moved out, we split the bills when ex lived in the basement.
We had no assets to speak of and the kids were 16 and 14 when ex moved out. Access was open, ex could see the kids whenever. The oldest ended up moving to ex’s apartment because it was a block from her high school (I would have done the same thing, rolls out of bed 20 mins before class). Ex comes over to the house at least once a week to do his laundry and visit with youngest, she also goes over to the apartment some. Kids have keys to both homes. Ex is also invited over for all holidays and birthdays and spends the night on Christmas eve. (Amicable, I treat ex like a favorite relative; the kids wanted it this way and we just make it work)
Both kids have part time jobs now and ex and I both have to make plans to spend any time with them.
Our incomes are almost equal, 42,000 ish. Ex pays me what ex calls support (ex came up with the amount and pays based on the two kids even though one lives with ex) Ex says that it is not child support or spousal support. Ex deposits this money into an account we still hold together (mortgage account). Ex started paying less when oldest turned 18 and school ended for the year, $588 down to $360. Ex comes up with the calculation himself?
We did not split up our debt equally, (It was student debt for PhD) I had trouble swallowing that but we did use student loans to live on as a family. I took 12,000 of the debt and ex took 24,000. This is aprox.
When ex is struggling financially, I tell ex not to pay me anything, ex insists on eventually paying. I also don’t believe there should any support because our incomes are so close, ex insists. Ex also splits with me the cost of the girl’s expenses. I guess you would call them section 7. Ex requires me to supply a list with the dates and from which of my accounts or credit card the item was purchased form, no receipts just the list? And then calculates how much ex has spent on D1 and then spits it evenly and pays me any that ex feels is owed.
We do have a separation agreement, we created it ourselves, it is not signed. In it ex has written up his crazy support payment plan. Ex explains that this is topping me up now so I won’t go after ex when ex gets a good job and has money and it is covering ex’s behind? (Waited 16 years for that to happen not holding my breath) Ex is still covered on my work benefits and does take some expensive meds. My benefits will cut him off when we divorce. This is the only reason I have not filed. Ex doesn’t want any part of my pension (4 years of my pension) that ex is eligible to split and wrote that into the agreement.
I feel this is an unusual separation situation, my question is: should I be concerned, I feel vulnerable?
I think possibly has Asperger's sound nicer.
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