I am new to this forum today. I have been going through a nasty 2 year separation and divorce, which is now in the courts. I am shocked by my exhusband's false accusations aginst me. His lawyer is unbelievably nasty, and I think he has been coached by a local men's group and is strategically attacking my parenting, mental health and morals. He is taking me to court over custody, access, division of assets and support. Unfortunately he has unlimited family financial resources, so this could go on for some time. Has any other mother experienced such a vicious attack on her character as revenge for leaving an abusive marriage?
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Sadly, it's quite common
Hi StandingMyGround,
Unfortunately, the tactics your ex is employing are very common amongst abusive ex-partners. It's all about maintaining power and control over you. The Ontario Women's Justice Network is a great resource!
You might find it helpful to contact your local woman's shelter. Even if you're not in need of housing, you can find support and advocacy there. The staff are all too familiar with what you are experiencing. And just talking to them can give you a sense of normalcy.
I feel for you, and hope you continue StandingYourGround!! It's a tough battle, but at the worst times just ask yourself if the "now" troubles are worse than the "then" problems prior to separation.
For me, not having the overwhelming sense of impending doom every time I got close to home is priceless. Just last night at dinner my 4 y/o remarked how nice and quiet our house is now compared to how noisy it used to be. That made the struggles of the day all worthwhile.
Maintain the higher ground, as it were. Document everything possible. Take pictures, save messages. Even if it might seem like you're jumping through hoops for him, you're better to be safe than sorry.
You can defend yourself against child abuse allegations by getting your GP on board and bringing the kids in for frequent "healthy visits", again to document their well-being.
Get the schools/daycares on board, if applicable. Legally, they HAVE TO REPORT suspected abuse. So if your kids have never been reported to the CAS before and have had contact with such agencies, no one suspected anything. Ask for a letter stating same.
If you've gone for counselling, or even have a specific mental health diagnosis, be proactive and request a letter stating that you've been a patient of Dr.A for XX years and during that time Dr.A has not had any concerns as to your parenting ability. As above, if they'd thought something was remiss, they're obliged to report it.
Was he was ever charged with assault? Ontario's law changed this spring so that the courts must now take spousal violence into consideration when determining custody. It's right in section 24 of the Children's Law Reform Act. They also added a bit that says anything done in self-defence or to protect another will not be considered abuse.
Best of luck to you!
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Standing my ground
Originally posted by StandingMyGroundI am new to this forum today. I have been going through a nasty 2 year separation and divorce, which is now in the courts. I am shocked by my exhusband's false accusations aginst me. His lawyer is unbelievably nasty, and I think he has been coached by a local men's group and is strategically attacking my parenting, mental health and morals. He is taking me to court over custody, access, division of assets and support. Unfortunately he has unlimited family financial resources, so this could go on for some time. Has any other mother experienced such a vicious attack on her character as revenge for leaving an abusive marriage?
Welcome and I more than understand what you are going through. I have just completed my nasty custody battle with my ex. He will try to break you and you cant let that happen. Let him & his lawyer play their games they will be caught in the end. If he contacts you via email save them and print them. Believe me they slip up and admit sooooo much when they think no one else will know about it. Do not worry what he says unless he has substantial proof to back it up. If he doesnt just smile and let him do what he wants. Just remember EVERYTHING you do right now and until its done is under the microscope and will be scrutinized. Some great advice I recieved from here is just say nothing & smile at him.....trust me it worked. My ex just became frustrated with me doing that and would email me incriminating evidence that I in turn submitted to court which hurt him. Whether you have legal representation or not do not sink to his level. It is heart breaking & stressful until its over. I was going through it for 6 years......just finally ended and in hind sight I would not change a thing whereas I got sole custody of my child and he is worth all the crap I went through and then some. Hang in there and we are always here to give advice, for you to vent at or just a shoulder to cry on.
Hang in there girl, truth will prevail. Your children and their futures are worth it all.
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I in fact am new to this site as well and i know exactly what you are going through as this is my exact situation as well... As another person here advised you to just smile back at him...after being seperated 4 yrs now... that is my new way of dealing with him and that just bugs him even more as he can no longer controle me and get the response he used to out of me... I document everything and keep all emails... Your not alone ...best of luck to youChin up
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