It's over with

[dadforlife]

Finaly after 2 1/2 years of Motions, Conferences, bickering, bitching, false charges, emotional ups and downs, parental alienation, a web site with loads of information and opinions, conselling, close to $20,000 in financial aid from family to barely get by on and self representing, My children can finaly go on with their lives without having this hurricane size cloud hovering over their heads. With the help of family, friends and a seriouse personal wake up call ,I have been or I should say my children have been granted 50/50 shared and physical custody, my original request to the Court.

I also realise that more children would have their fathers in their lives if it were not for this money driven, divisive, at times unjust and still in some instences totaly against the beleif that fathers are just as caring, nurturing and maternaly inclined to care for their children as mothers, Family law System.

Shame on the Family law system and those parents who place their own personal agendas and gratifications over that of their own children... SHAME

Now on to better things.

Al

[Exquizique]

Very happy for you!!! Here's to better days ahead!

[wretchedotis]

Congrats!

But maybe not a good idea to start thinking you're free and clear.
From my experience - it never ends....

[Pursuinghappiness]

dadforlife:

Congratulations at ending your divorce action with a favorable outcome.

As a woman who's at the receiving end of an unreasonable, bitter, angry stbx seeking to perpetuate the most expensive, lengthy, traumatizing divorce process possible...please do not assume that all the blame falls on one gender. It was my stbx husband who requested sole custody and its female me that has to fight for my right to my children in court...just like you did.

Whenever you get someone who is self-absorbed, greedy and unbalanced, you can expect that family law will enable and perpetuate their nonsense. Its not gender specific. Please do not tell me that you think all men are reasonable in divorce and all women are not...that is absolute misogynstic nonsense and completely false. I get really tired of these false gender presumptions.

[beebie]

Aren't the courts moving toward shared parenting as the norm? Or is this wishful thinking? Thought there was some Bill C-422 before Parliament.

[ambushed]

Please don't assume that shared custody is the best scenario. It does not work if the parents are not amicable. It means nothing once the court order is filed. It is extremely difficult on the children who don't feel they belong anywhere and who feel they have to "please" both parents.

PursuingHappiness- I so agree with you. I am a woman who has gone through absolute hell in her divorce and continue to struggle after six years - parental alienation, financial & emotional abuse, etc. My ex literally kidnapped my daughter from me and there is nothing I can do about it unless I want to spend thousands of dollars disputing his claims of abuse. She is 16 now so the lawyer says there is no point - she can live where she wants. All I can do is wait until she is an adult and has had her own life experiences and hope that she can finally understand the reality of divorce.

DadForLife - don't assume it is over. It will not end until your kids are adults and on their own - and then some! Your court order means nothing unless you are willing to fight through lawyers every time she doesn't do what she's supposed to. I will go so far as saying that it's only the beginning! Sorry to burst your bubble but it's unlikely that things will go smoothly from here.

[billm]

Please don't assume that shared custody is the best scenario. It does not work if the parents are not amicable. It means nothing once the court order is filed. It is extremely difficult on the children who don't feel they belong anywhere and who feel they have to "please" both parents.

...

The point is that shared parenting should be enforced unless it can be proven that it is not in the best interests of the children.

Kinda like innocent unless proven guilty.

From your other post "ambushed", your daughter was 15 when she decided she did not want to live with you - calling it 'kidnapping' is nonsense. Also from your previous post, your financial situation is not your ex's fault. It seems to me that you want to blame it all on him, but from what you said in your posts, its time you take responsibility for where you are in life and your relationship with your daughter.

[mcdreamy]

Congratulations!

I'm an optimist. Always my downfall. But hope this turns things around and your kids settle in to an established routine.

Pursuit is quite correct, alienation is not gender specific, it's alway the parents, dad or mom, who can't get a grip.

Billm ..don't underestimate the power and whimsical needs of a teenage girl. They are an entity unto themselves.

Good luck dadforlife, and have fun enjoying your kids.

[billm]

...
Billm ..don't underestimate the power and whimsical needs of a teenage girl. They are an entity unto themselves.

...

Got two of them!

[mcdreamy]

Got two of them!

Aha , we should start a separate thread on how to deal..I could slit my wrists some days.
Oo..was that dramatic? Not dramatic enough!

[Gary M]

Congrats, Brother!

So, 2 1/2 years and $20,000 to get to exactly where you should have been all-along? Yep, it's some system we have here, huh? Does anybody doubt that divorce is an industry?

Enjoy, and don't listen to the killjoys on here who should be allowing you to relax for a while.

Cheers!

Gary

[Nadia]

Congratulations

It is so nice to hear good news.

Yes, no one knows what tomorrow is going to bring. Something you can say about life in general I think.

Celebrate how far you have come and what you have managed to achieve. Get a nice long drink sit back and enjoy what you've managed to do for your children.

If you ever need to fight (for anything) again, you'll be able to use this experience to your strength.

congratulations

[May_May]

So, 2 1/2 years and $20,000 to get to exactly where you should have been all-along? Yep, it's some system we have here, huh? Does anybody doubt that divorce is an industry?

I completely agree with Gary. My stbx husband is very difficult to deal with in so many aspects, but I have never (and would never) go for anything other than joint custody (as all parents should unless a reason otherwise has been proven). Our children need to see both parents (in my opinion they should be able to see their mother, as much as the father). I rented a house 2 blocks away so our children can go back and forth easily between our houses (not just on swap days)...This is how all marital breakdowns should start (equal !)...

Congratulations to you...What an accomplishment ! Grab a drink and celebrate...

[ambushed]

The point is that shared parenting should be enforced unless it can be proven that it is not in the best interests of the children.

Kinda like innocent unless proven guilty.

From your other post "ambushed", your daughter was 15 when she decided she did not want to live with you - calling it 'kidnapping' is nonsense. Also from your previous post, your financial situation is not your ex's fault. It seems to me that you want to blame it all on him, but from what you said in your posts, its time you take responsibility for where you are in life and your relationship with your daughter.

billm - as with any posts made on public forums, there is always more to the story than can be shared. You make assumptions based on a few lines of text and you automatically assume that I am blaming my ex for my financial and life situation.

I was in a major car accident several years ago that involved three cars. I was not at fault. I now have metal plates in both my legs, my back and my neck. I have had nine surgeries. I am in constant pain and suffer excruciating migraines. I do not live in my home province and have no family here for support. After months of physio (still ongoing), I was able to go back to work on a part-time basis. Our daughter was three. I chose to do so because I have always been a hard-working, productive individual and I wanted to contribute to the family. I took care of our daughter and household while he chose to work 80 hour weeks (and only being paid for 40). Seven years after the accident, I found out he was having an affair with a mutual friend. He decided that I no longer fulfilled his physical needs and he moved in with his girlfriend. Ironically, she was also involved in a car accident as a passenger 18 years ago and she sued the driver. She purchased her house with her settlement and has been on disability ever since. She suffers from back pain but has never had surgery or been in the hospital or in physio.

I take full responsibility for where I am in my life (and proud of it) and I am solely responsible for supporting myself. My current financial situation is very unlikely to change since I only have a high school degree and with my health issues, I am limited as to how much time I can put in to work. I refused to ask for SS although my lawyer and judge strongly suggested it. I could easily apply for disability but as long as I can work, I will do so. I am now back to full-time work with a very understanding employer. My ex's third wife receives a large amount of SS from him. I could have asked for much more CS but, again at the dismay of my lawyer, chose not to do so. I only wanted what was fair and did not want him to be financially strapped as this would only affect our daughter.

I choose meditation and alternative treatments as opposed to prescription drugs because I want to be emotionally and mentally available to my daughter. My daughter left because Mom "isn't any fun". It's been really hard to be joyful since the separation but how do you explain that to a teenager. Only maturity and life experiences will help her understand so I patiently and anxiously wait for her to get there. I said that my ex "kidnapped" my daughter because that is how I feel. I feel he kidnapped her emotionally. She is the only family I have. You obviously read my other post before I deleted it so taking some info from that post (bankruptcy and all) and adding this background, you should now understand how much I needed my daughter in my life. Yes, we had difficult times but I have always put her needs before mine. Unfortunately, as a teenager, she cannot comprehend the hardships that I have been through due to the accident and the divorce proceedings.

I was feeling really down today due to his selfish request to claim our daughter as a dependent when he is not entitled to it. I found this forum and thought I could get some support and answers. It was not my original intention to divulge so much info in this post, as well as the other that I have since deleted. I'm not looking for a reality check - I have those every minute of the day - nor for pity. I just wanted objective advice and opinions and, maybe, just a little bit of positive support.

It's too bad some people feel they can figure out a person based on a few lines of text. I'm sure you'd get along great with my ex!

[TLCRN]

mcdreamy, your right a separate thread is needed on how to deal with teenagers as it's not always easy when they decide they don't want to do something....and peer pressure...and the rest such as coming home from school learning they have rights, reading the kids help line on the milk carton....remember that?

dadforlife: congratulation and hope it is truly over for good.
I don't think anyone is disputing the fact that shared custody is not the best for everyone, but I have to tell you that it has it's up and down, disagreements with decision making, and every situation is different.