Interrupting study

[Anka]

I was close to get my diploma from the college when my husband wonted that we separated. I asked him to give me a time that I finish my courses (I needed 1.5 month) but he didn’t care about that. He forced me to sign separation agreement, and I didn’t want to do that. Then he hired lawyer and we are now in process of settling separation agreement. In these two months I finished 5 courses, but for last one I am loosing concentration and can’t work. I am under stress and I don’t know how I pass these 5 courses. But, now because of stress I am not capable to learn and work on last one course and get my diploma. Does my husband have any responsibilities for that, because of his behaviour (he is abusive person), I didn’t finish college and prolonged getting diploma? All time during my study (back to school) I had financial support from EI and I put all this money on our joint account since he took my bank card that I have no access on our joint account. I open my account but all my money I spend buying a food or cleaning supply for us. If I get diploma I will easily find a job and start to work. Without diploma I am on the same position for getting a job like I was before I started to study.
All these period I was everyday cooking, did housecleaning, wash his clothes.

[billm]

Anka,

Your relationship with your husband sounds very unhealthy for you. From your other posts, you seem to be in a relationship where you submit and he controls. Both of you have created this situation, but it only takes one of you (you!) to change it. Your safety comes first and only you truly know if you are at risk. Either way you have every right to be treated as an equal to your husband, but it is up to you to change things, remove yourself from his control and be your own person.

As an adult you are responsible for your actions, not him. When you sign something, the whole point is that is signifies that you agree to it.

It is your responsibility and yours alone to know what you are signing and only sign it if you agree to it.

Your husband has a responsibility (as do you) to be open and honest and separate marriage according to family law (generally you get half of all things - debts and assets, and spousal support may be warrented).

If you fail out of school, he is not responsible, but it may be in his best interest to help you finish as then spousal support may be less.

If he wants to separate, then he does not have to wait, but on the other hand you don't have to sign anything you don't agree to, and you don't have to rush anything. In the mean time, things (support and access to assets) should remain the same unless you both agree to something. The sooner you get separated both physically and financially the better.

I really don't like lawyers, but you need to get some advice on where you stand financially. HIs lawyer has a goal to get him as much as possible so if you don't understand what is fair, you need to figure it out or hire someone who does.

You may have depended on him in the past, or allowed yourself to be dominated by him in the past, but now you are separate and you are responsible for your own actions, not him. So stop signing things you don't agree with!

[Anka]

Thank you for your response. You are right. That takes me a time that I accept that he wants divorce of me. But I know, nobody have rights to force other person to live with somebody whose doesn’t love and be unhappy. Only what I hoped was that we can set up everything like adults, leave feelings on the side. But, it didn’t work.
I was so controlling of him all these years and I find that I lost my self confidentiality. Truth is that I am (nor my daughter) not feeling secure living with him under the same roof. I am feeling drained, like without power in my body. I think that is the best that I go out and as soon as possible organizing my life and take my life in my hands, recover of what was happen and pass this one course. But, I am feeling so weakly and unprotected like never in all my life.

[billiechic]

Maybe you can speak to a counsellor at your school? They may be able to help you finish up your work, or give you an extension. Also, sometimes they have resources that might get you some legal advice for free or at a reduced rate. Check out all your options, but definitely have a lawyer (not his) look at anything before you sign!

Good Luck!

[Anka]

Thank you so much for your advice. I will do that at the college, I didn't know for that. Thanks.

[standing on the sidelines]

Thank you for your response. You are right. That takes me a time that I accept that he wants divorce of me. But I know, nobody have rights to force other person to live with somebody whose doesn’t love and be unhappy. Only what I hoped was that we can set up everything like adults, leave feelings on the side. But, it didn’t work.
I was so controlling of him all these years and I find that I lost my self confidentiality. Truth is that I am (nor my daughter) not feeling secure living with him under the same roof. I am feeling drained, like without power in my body. I think that is the best that I go out and as soon as possible organizing my life and take my life in my hands, recover of what was happen and pass this one course. But, I am feeling so weakly and unprotected like never in all my life.

you may feel weak and unprotected right now but that is only because you are so use to him telling you how it is going to be. You are trained to be the weaker one in the relationship so now that you have to make your own decisions etc it is all so new and strange for you. With ever decision you make for yourself it will get easier. Will you make some bad choices? Sure, we all do, but we learn from that. You are an important person and you are teaching your daughter that no one has a right to control/abuse her either. She sees you standing up for yourself and she will learn that strength also. Remember that kids look for potentional spouses by what they see at home, what is normal to them.