Thoughts and Prayers

[kate331]

I need your thoughts, prayers, good vides etc as S(4) is in intense care sedated at our local children’s hospital after a freak sledding accident. He has multiple fractures to his face, jaw and body and will needs intensive surgeries in the upcoming months. Tomorrow they will insert a feeding tube

Thankfully there is no brain damage although there is some swelling in the brain, also some hearing damage, but it still too early to determine how much. We are facing a long road ahead of us for his recovery, but it isn’t life threatening.

Keep your children safe and I urge all parents to have your children wear helmets even when sledding!!! And heed warnings of icy conditions. This particular park had been closed to sledding, but children still continued to do so.

I’m trying so hard not to blame the ex for his lack of judgement but it’s really hard right now. I’m racked with guilt seeing my baby hooked up to all the machines, and not being there in his time of need because I wanted my “me time” and my “respite time”. If I could turn back the cloak I would in a heartbeat.

The hospital here offers a bed beside their child, he looks so peaceful sleeping and I’m on here venting . I don’t think I will be able to sleep at all tonight.

So thanks for the long vent!!! I don’t know if I want to barf or faint right now but thanks for listening cause it’s gotten me though some the evening.

If I’m not making much sense I think it’s because I’m still in shock over his condition.

[Tayken]

[QUOTE=kate331;233872]I need your thoughts, prayers, good vides etc as S(4) is in intense care sedated at our local children’s hospital after a freak sledding accident./quote]

Done.

I’m trying so hard not to blame the ex for his lack of judgement but it’s really hard right now.

Unfortunately, it won't solve the problem that you both currently face. I highly recommend you talk to the social worker that is assigned to your matter. They are very helpful and will guide you through everything and even help with your anxiety. Don't shy away from them. Many parents don't realize that they have access to them.

I’m racked with guilt seeing my baby hooked up to all the machines, and not being there in his time of need because I wanted my “me time” and my “respite time”. If I could turn back the cloak I would in a heartbeat.

This isn't your fault. It really isn't the other parent's fault. It is a freak accident as you stated. Again, talk to the social worker about how you are feeling. Everyone in the family needs to heal when things like this happen. These feelings of guilt and anxiety can and will create obstacles for you when you have to make medical decisions for your child. The social worker is there to help everyone in the family.

The hospital here offers a bed beside their child, he looks so peaceful sleeping and I’m on here venting . I don’t think I will be able to sleep at all tonight.

You probably won't be but, one of the things you will need to do is sleep and eat. The next 48 hours is going to be horrible. I can't even imagine what you are going through but, please do not forget to take care of yourself too.

So thanks for the long vent!!! I don’t know if I want to barf or faint right now but thanks for listening cause it’s gotten me though some the evening.

I would recommend barfing over fainting. If you are feeling ill at all don't hesitate to call a nurse. The last thing you want is to faint and become a medical emergency too. Please sit down and don't hesitate to call for a nurse if your own condition changes.

If I’m not making much sense I think it’s because I’m still in shock over his condition.

You are probably in shock. They have services to assist you at the hospital. Utilize them. The healthier you are the better you can help your family through this.

[iona6656]

Every good thought and prayer for you guys. And I second everything Tayken is saying.


I can only hope you’re at SickKids- they are the best children’s hospital in the world.




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[standing on the sidelines]

it was a freak accident.

I will share a story about my almost bad sledding accident. We were there with my parents and my aunt, uncle and cousins. We were having a great time. It was a huge hill so my Dad used his snowmobile to pull us back up the hill all the time.

Well the one time we hit some ice or something because we got some speed going. Being kids we didnt notice the barb wire fence we were heading straight for. My mom was freaking out, my dad felt helpless as he told my mom even on the snowmobile he would never catch us as we were way to far away. We ended up hitting a small rock and tipped over. My cousins, my brother and I never knew how close we were to a bad accident. We just thought it was a blast that we went so much further then before. If not for the rock it would have been worse.

Freak accidents happen that is why they are called accidents and not "on purposes". Your sons accident could of happened on an open hill. Your ex probably saw the other kids doing it and it seemed fine. Its no ones fault.

Your child is alive and though recovery may be a while, he could of been much worse. Dont focus on blame or guilt. There is no reason for either of those emotions. Just focus on your son. I bet the father is feeling guilty as hell and is waiting for you to ream him out. Maybe a kind word to him saying that it wasnt his fault is in order here.

[PeacefulMoments]

Wishing your little one a speedy recovery and you the strength you need. And also to add in that it is truly an accident, try not to dwell on what ifs. Hugs.

[Mom 2 Two]

Healing thoughts to your little one. Stay strong Momma... you are strong and I know deep down you know your ex is feeling just as horrible as you... take care of yourself. Take it minute by minute if you need to. And vent all you need to. Sometimes just venting and talking helps for sure. Hugs.


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[denbigh]

That sis terrible! It must be terrifying! As others have said vent away! I hope things are going better today

[arabian]

you got it (my prayers and positive thoughts)

Look after yourself ... sleep whenever and wherever you can.

No sense whatsoever in blaming each other. Focus on supporting each other through this horrifying time. In the days/weeks to come you and your ex may find it logical to be at hospital in shifts. Working through this will be one of the biggest challenges of your life.

Tayken has excellent advice about accessing resource people there. They will know what you need and will surely be able to help you sort through feelings as well as practical matters.

Make a list of personal items and have a friend go by your place and pick things up (if you are not planning to leave hospital). Hospitals are filthy places so be sure to have someone bring your own towels.... sorry but I'm pretty fussy about those things. Making list will help you feel in control of something - anything... I'm sure you must feel totally overwhelmed and very, very helpless.

You can vent with us all you want.

God bless you and your family.

[Asphenaz]

[QUOTE=kate331;233872]I need your thoughts, prayers, good vides etc as S(4) is in intense care sedated at our local children’s hospital after a freak sledding accident./quote]

You got it!

[Stillbreathing]

Thoughts and prayers are with you. Try to focus on the positive. Your child is still alive, in good hands and recovering. Try to stay focused on the here and now. Emotional pain is associated with time travel. Looking back at what was or could have been or looking forward and imagining the worst. Try to stay in the present and focus on the fact your child is strong and is still here with you.
God bless.

[Ange71727]

I need your thoughts, prayers, good vides etc as S(4) is in intense care sedated at our local children’s hospital after a freak sledding accident.

Thinking of you Kate and sending positive vibes. Feel free to message if you just want to chat or vent or whatever! Hoping your little one will make a speedy recovery. I cannot imagine what you’re going through. Stay strong!



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[blinkandimgone]

I'm so sorry, Kate. You and your little one are in my thoughts.

[tunnelight]

really sorry to hear this. Just as if the child didn't have enough to put up with because of all the custody crap. Your innocent little one is in my thoughts and I'm sure everything will be okay.

I would not criticize / blame your ex.

Tayken, are you referring to OCL? I thought that the OCL social worker conducting custody assessment can't wear hat of personal or family therapist.

[kate331]

Thanks for all the messages and pm’s!!! I’ll try to answer back in due time.

Son went through the first of many surgeries. First was 6 hours, that was the longest 6 hours of my life! Surgeons asked for a recent pic so they could try and make him look the same. Of course I did provided a pic after I vomited.

There was more damage then they first suspected, the swelling is an issue. But again not life threatening. He will need extensive dental work in the future as well as reconstruction of one of his cheek bones as he grows.

Ear damage is still undetermined as the swelling is still too intense but he can hear from one ear.

Torn ligaments in his neck and his jaw break has him in a neck brace which unless sedated he fights to pull off when alert enough. After all his Austin’s therapy he seems to have gone back in time, but we are all hoping this is temporary. He can’t use his words anymore to tell us his comfort/pain level.

Feeding tube has been removed and we are feeding him through a syringe via a small opening in his mouth. Lots of broth and milk shakes. Of course he is still on an IV drip for hydration.

His speech has definitely regressed and I communicate with him through sign language I taught him when he was a baby. This will be a challenge as his progresses with his recovery.

Do I blame my ex I’ve gotta be honest “somewhat” the park in particular had been closed to tobogganing and the city had posted warning signs. Also question why he wasn’t at the bottom of the hill to “catch” them but was at the top of the hill getting in position to sled himself. That said I’m not much of a winter person and rarely take them sledding unless it’s warm and have fluffy snow. My activity with them is usually swimming and they could have been running on a pool deck, slipped and fell and had an accident too.

I also feel if injuries of this extent had been on my time, ex would have been very critical of my parenting skills and lack of judgement. So as horrible as this sounds I think it’s a lesson learnt and I’m grateful it wasn’t on my time. I think my ex now knows parenting isn’t easy and accidents can happen. Nobody wishes this on their child. And a freak accident doesn’t make you a horrible parent.

This could be a new beginning for us and our acrimony towards each other. There has been no issues with his treatment plan, whoever is with the child at the time in hospital is signing conscents forms with no issues. We are both participating with treatment meeting and/or keeping each other informed.

I have been granted time off from my job short term. I’m doing the day shift from 9:00 am till 9:00 pm and my ex is now doing the overnight shift. Heck I finally got my 50/50

It’s going to be the long haul, time will tell if he will help with the aftercare and numerous appointments and treatment needed. I hope so.

As far as any OCL, Court etc, that all has been put on the back burner until this child is cleared medically even to come home. I don’t give a shit anymore.

Right now I can’t see the child being shuffled back and forth between two homes in the condition he is in right now once’s released. A nesting situation comes to mind. But after this amount of time since separation I’m not sure we want each other in each other homes. We can cross that bridge when we get closer to a hospital release date. And as Tayken has said will use the social workers assistant.

Certainly the older child s(8) can continue on the current access schedule. My mom has been tending to him in the meantime, but I have also reached out to ex’s family when they come visit and ask what they can do help. I feel his extended family could help with his older brother so the 2 of us can focus on meeting youngest needs at this time.

Again thanks for all the warm wishes, grateful for your support. Life certainly gets put in perceptive. My 4 day stay at this hospital so far has shown me, my life troubles are insignificant compared to parents that are facing the life and death situations with their child(ren).

[Norris-level Defence]

So sorry to hear this. Sending my best vibes to you and your little guy.