How do you forgive the family court system?

[Stillbreathing]

Just wondering how others have forgiven our corrupt family court system and moved on? I’m disgusted with the judges, lawyers, assessors, etc. I’m not mad at my ex. He can’t help himself because of his catastrophic brain injury... but the judges had the power to put controls on him so the children were protected. All they did was put permanent supervised access in place but have allowed other things to spin out with devastating consequences. 7 years and not yet allowed to get on the trial list! Insane!

My question is, how have others come to grips with our horrific court system, forgiven them and moved on?

[kate331]

I am just beginning the whole process, and this forum has sure opened my eyes. Is there anything you would have done differently from the beginning to make it easier on your family?

[Pursuinghappiness]

Just wondering how others have forgiven our corrupt family court system and moved on? I’m disgusted with the judges, lawyers, assessors, etc. I’m not mad at my ex. He can’t help himself because of his catastrophic brain injury... but the judges had the power to put controls on him so the children were protected. All they did was put permanent supervised access in place but have allowed other things to spin out with devastating consequences. 7 years and not yet allowed to get on the trial list! Insane!

My question is, how have others come to grips with our horrific court system, forgiven them and moved on?

Honestly I think the only thing that's saved my sanity is that I didn't get divorced until my youngest was 11. So now, she's turned 18 and this current court action is the last one I'm probably going to have. There's literally nothing else he can do since neither of my kids has any contact with him at this point. It drives me nuts when I think how much money I've spent on nothing but my ex's conflict driven lunacy. There's nothing to protect anyone from litigation and the costs associated.

[denbigh]

what does it take to for the court to label someone as a vexatious litigant?

[Stillbreathing]

I am just beginning the whole process, and this forum has sure opened my eyes. Is there anything you would have done differently from the beginning to make it easier on your family?

Yes. I would never have hired a lawyer and would not have played nice because you get punished whether or not you are reasonable and follow court orders. What I have learned after 7 years is that judges make the rules up as they go. I would have never gone to court in person but sent somebody in my place. Too stressful and accomplishes nothing but to feed the judge’s egos. Judges treated my ex and I and our children with disdain, disrespect and contempt. Criminals are treated with more dignity and have more rights than family law litigants!

[ifonlyihadknown]

I'll move on but won't forgive unless there is drastic reform which I do not expect to see in my life time.

What will I do? One is to not remarry, ever. And if anyone asks, recommend the same.

I have nothing against committed relationships, and realize that you can end up being common law "remarried" without your knowledge or consent, but I won't have anything to do with the marriage industry and the resulting divorce industry.

[rockscan]

This weekend I found out my fathers pension has been garnished for the last 20 years. A family member who was sort of sympathetic to him told me this and I reminded them that my mom had to take a lien out on our house for ten grand to get child support from him because he worked for cash under the table. The garnishment was pittance compared to what he would have been ordered to pay for cs and post secondary. I have zero pity for him and am glad he was finally caught.

As for my partner, he spent 15 grand getting an agreement and his equalization which was worthless since the ex refused to follow the agreement and is allowed to file a new motion for money she is not legally entitled to. Which means he will have to spend another $5000 to defend himself against this bullshit where she will more than likely be told he owes her nothing. Plus the year of court dates and days of worrying about what she is planning. He will argue for costs but the emotional toll will be astronomical especially considering his kids think he is an asshole for taking an equalization and defending himself against this bs.

I am all for a legal system to protect people who need it but can never forgive the fact that there is not more in place to stop this bs before it happens. How my partners ex can get away with filing a motion that has no legs is ridiculous.

[zanman]

Yes I agree its been a rocky road so for , But I actually have my First CC in the New year. the whole process so far has been so sad and so much money wasted

[piggybanktoex]

Cured me of marriage.....never ever again.....once was enough!

Nobody will ever get that kind of destructive power over me again.

The law is an ass to a very big degree.

Turns out that meals and laundry are not that hard to do......certainly not worth the money, time, and health it cost me.

[arabian]

There certainly are some of us who have had a long history of litigation.

Hindsight is futile. I am sure none of us anticipated being in perpetual state of litigation when we started our respective journeys. We failed in thinking our well-paid, well-meaning lawyers would prevail even when faced with inept judges and unscrupulous opposing counsel. Sometimes it's not about how much money but I think comes down to simple luck.... luck in judges who hear cases. Some judges are willing to put a stop to things and others (most I think) merely want to pass the case on to another judge.

I do not expect to have my litigation end anytime soon. It will likely carry on for years on end. I do have the option of throwing in the towel. Now that I am self-represented it merely comes down to filling out forms and submitting them. It becomes repetitive with lots of "cut and paste" so I'm up to the task.

Best thing is to live well and contribute to forums such as this to warn others not to be naive (like we were) and to always weigh costs against gains and ascertain if proceeding is worth it in the end. People have to self-educate themselves as much as possible and forever be watchful of lawyers who tell them what they want to hear instead of truth of costs and time it will take for outcome. Perhaps more has to be written on this forum about how to negotiate get out-of-court settlements?

[kate331]

Best thing is to live well and contribute to forums such as this to warn others not to be naive (like we were) and to always weigh costs against gains and ascertain if proceeding is worth it in the end. People have to self-educate themselves as much as possible and forever be watchful of lawyers who tell them what they want to hear instead of truth of costs and time it will take for outcome. Perhaps more has to be written on this forum about how to negotiate get out-of-court settlements?

This really hit me, I am so naive and after reading here for weeks, my eyes are wider. I thought weeks ago it would be so simple, but now I think I have opened Pandora's Box.

[trinton]

Well, I know what my lawyer says. The system is biased. You have to know that and keep in back of your head. They are more likely to take women's side and rule in their favour. So you have to have very good compelling reasons as to why they should be on your side.

He has gotten into shouting matches with judges when he is being right and the judges are just being biased. He has challened these judges at appeals courts and got their orders tossed out. I have seen them on canlii so I know he isn't making them up. They respect him . He knows our laws very well and will stand by them like a good lawyer is supposed to. Doesn't care if the judge will like him or not. At the end of the day, judges are there to make decisions based on our laws, not opinions.

Basically, his view is that you must get into the judges face when they get into yours. And I have done that. Puts the judges in place. Judges have rights. But so do we. Everyone has the same rights when you think about it. Nobody can walk over anybody elses rights.

Just be firm and confident, and trust that our laws will prevail. I haven't been to that point where a judges has screwed me over, so won't know what that is like. But I take it that I would just take the judge off the bench and ask for a new judge, and report them to the judical counsel. You do have a right to file a complain, and document the judges conduct. The more complains about a judge, the less corrupt the judge, and ultimately our courts will be.

[Stillbreathing]

The trouble is all the useless bs Case Conferences and trial management conferences they force you to go through. Settlement is NOT the purpose of these asinine exercises in stupidity. Their purpose is to line the lawyers pockets, keep the judges employed and stroke the judge’s overinflated egos so they believe their own lie that they are doing something good. I don’t know how family court judges can sleep at night. They have maybe 10 minutes to skim over your affidavits and then flip a coin to guess and arbitrarily pick a decision out of a hat. The case conference judges don’t make their decisions based on evidence or facts. That’s only if you get lucky enough to go to trial.

Could you imagine if you went to the emergency department and the ER doc started shouting orders left and right without really knowing what was wrong or not even reading your chart. If he based his decision to get you into the OR immediately based on the last time you visited ER, not for what brought you in this time? You wake up in the recovery room and find he’s amputated your right leg. Turns out your ex was the one with the infection, not you but they amputated your leg! This is exactly what happens in family court in case conferences and trial management conferences! The judges do not make decisions based on evidence. Cross their fingers and hope they get it right. With devastating consequences for the innocent parties ( which always includes the children). Best interests of the children as it pertains to family court is code for let’s play Russian roulette with these innocent lives.

How does one forgive the willful damage done to the children by the family court system? How do you reframe your child’s pain? How do you respond when your child asks why the judge hates them and is wrecking their lives? How do you forgive the family court system and move on?

[trinton]

How does one forgive the willful damage done to the children by the family court system? How do you reframe your child’s pain? How do you respond when your child asks why the judge hates them and is wrecking their lives? How do you forgive the family court system and move on?

And that's just the sad reality of the Canadian family court system, or rather, Canadian family court judges. It's an adversarial system. There is a winner and there is a loser. Unfortunately, it's not the parents that win/lose, it's the lawyers that win, and the parents and children who lose.

I know for a fact my child will never develop into healthy relationships in the future and do well. How can she when the parents are put at war with one another ?

[mcdreamy]

I know for a fact my child will never develop into healthy relationships in the future and do well.

I'm going to finally agree with you on a point.