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I've been chewing over an interesting situation my partner and I have found ourselves in and am putting it out here as a little off topic discussion for things that happen in the world we live in. Not looking for advice, I'm following my partners' instruction, just wanted to share with the group and see what others might have experienced.
It involves my social media accounts and my partners' kids. Now, I'm heavily into social media, have been since Facebook was launched publicly and it's my only way to stay in contact with a lot of my friends since I moved away from my hometown and many of my friends have moved away themselves. I have pretty good privacy settings on everything and was very good about making sure my privacy was set properly when my partner and I let the kids know about us.
I've also been pretty vocal on here about how I feel about the way my partner is treated by his ex and kids--specifically his oldest who is 19. I know that no matter what I do or say, she's going to have issues with her father and I'm just one of the targets she uses to do so. We've had an issue with her since he introduced the idea of dating someone to them. No matter what we do, there's comments or attitude. I'm somewhat used to it (in the sense that I expect it to be an issue), I just hate how it hurts my partner. (And to give some perspective, when he calls her on it, she moves on to a new target she has an issue with that relates to him.)
A few months ago we discovered she had been "creeping" my facebook. How we discovered it was when she lashed out at him about what she found on my facebook. A video of a concert we attended together that she took issue with. He handled it well, after I explained to him the term "creeping". And we discussed how I will handle my privacy settings. He said that we don't have to hide and if she is going to go looking for issues, that's her problem. He's not going to stop being happy or enjoying "us". He's tried to include the kids, he's tried talking to them about their feelings, he's tried working with them. One is ok, the other finds issues.
I realized about two weeks ago that I'm also being creeped on instagram. Again we discussed it and he told me he doesn't want me to stop being me or sharing info with my friends. I changed my settings to private but he said to change them back. He doesn't want me blocking them. It's not like I post with direct intentions to hurt them or to throw anything in their faces. I just share photos of cool stuff that I'm doing or into.
I struggled with it because I didn't like that she would use my info in her campaign against her dad. I also didn't like that it caused her to stop speaking to him for weeks at a time because she was pissed about something I posted. He explained to me that he has moved on, it's been five years since the separation and three since the divorce. Her choices about their relationship are hers and he can't force her to do something just like he can't force her to talk to him/visit with him. This was after I had explained to him that when I share photos or events or activities we do together, it's because I want to share my happiness with people who love me. We have tried including them both in activities but they don't want to, they like their lives the way they are. I agreed to this because it was what he wanted and we agreed that anything I shared would be tasteful and non-confrontational (not that I would do anything like that anyway) and would be shared with him before posting. And really, it's not like it's crazy stuff...bike rides, day trips, our garden...I'm a pretty boring person...
I still find it to be an interesting situation given social media now. And also how he relates to his kids. He's not on any social media so he doesn't understand what it does or how it works. I've explained it to him as best as I can and he gets it to a point. He also respects that it's kind of like eavesdropping--they never hear anything they like. So if you're going to go looking for trouble, you're going to find it. Especially if it's a case of still having a bone to pick with your parent and not being willing to discuss things surrounding these feelings.
I've also had to accept certain aspects of the feelings too. As in, nothing I say or do is going to be right and I have to live with being a person they don't like. There are days that are harder than others of course, but the good very much outweighs the bad with my partner and I won't let this get to me. Eventually they'll grow out of it and move on with their own activities and interests.
It involves my social media accounts and my partners' kids. Now, I'm heavily into social media, have been since Facebook was launched publicly and it's my only way to stay in contact with a lot of my friends since I moved away from my hometown and many of my friends have moved away themselves. I have pretty good privacy settings on everything and was very good about making sure my privacy was set properly when my partner and I let the kids know about us.
I've also been pretty vocal on here about how I feel about the way my partner is treated by his ex and kids--specifically his oldest who is 19. I know that no matter what I do or say, she's going to have issues with her father and I'm just one of the targets she uses to do so. We've had an issue with her since he introduced the idea of dating someone to them. No matter what we do, there's comments or attitude. I'm somewhat used to it (in the sense that I expect it to be an issue), I just hate how it hurts my partner. (And to give some perspective, when he calls her on it, she moves on to a new target she has an issue with that relates to him.)
A few months ago we discovered she had been "creeping" my facebook. How we discovered it was when she lashed out at him about what she found on my facebook. A video of a concert we attended together that she took issue with. He handled it well, after I explained to him the term "creeping". And we discussed how I will handle my privacy settings. He said that we don't have to hide and if she is going to go looking for issues, that's her problem. He's not going to stop being happy or enjoying "us". He's tried to include the kids, he's tried talking to them about their feelings, he's tried working with them. One is ok, the other finds issues.
I realized about two weeks ago that I'm also being creeped on instagram. Again we discussed it and he told me he doesn't want me to stop being me or sharing info with my friends. I changed my settings to private but he said to change them back. He doesn't want me blocking them. It's not like I post with direct intentions to hurt them or to throw anything in their faces. I just share photos of cool stuff that I'm doing or into.
I struggled with it because I didn't like that she would use my info in her campaign against her dad. I also didn't like that it caused her to stop speaking to him for weeks at a time because she was pissed about something I posted. He explained to me that he has moved on, it's been five years since the separation and three since the divorce. Her choices about their relationship are hers and he can't force her to do something just like he can't force her to talk to him/visit with him. This was after I had explained to him that when I share photos or events or activities we do together, it's because I want to share my happiness with people who love me. We have tried including them both in activities but they don't want to, they like their lives the way they are. I agreed to this because it was what he wanted and we agreed that anything I shared would be tasteful and non-confrontational (not that I would do anything like that anyway) and would be shared with him before posting. And really, it's not like it's crazy stuff...bike rides, day trips, our garden...I'm a pretty boring person...
I still find it to be an interesting situation given social media now. And also how he relates to his kids. He's not on any social media so he doesn't understand what it does or how it works. I've explained it to him as best as I can and he gets it to a point. He also respects that it's kind of like eavesdropping--they never hear anything they like. So if you're going to go looking for trouble, you're going to find it. Especially if it's a case of still having a bone to pick with your parent and not being willing to discuss things surrounding these feelings.
I've also had to accept certain aspects of the feelings too. As in, nothing I say or do is going to be right and I have to live with being a person they don't like. There are days that are harder than others of course, but the good very much outweighs the bad with my partner and I won't let this get to me. Eventually they'll grow out of it and move on with their own activities and interests.
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