Somedays I wish I could stop the clock

[mom2three]

Yesterday wretchedotis posted about tucking his young one in and it made me a bit sentimental. Luckily all of my kids love to be tucked in still but, my goodness, the hugs are a rude awakening of how fast they are all growing.

Today I had to snowmobile out to our family camp to pick my son up (he spent the weekend with my Dad). Little man was there to do manly work. I guess he isn't my 'baby' anymore!

I had a cry on the way back. You see, it seems like just yesterday I took him on his first snowmobile ride tucked into the baby sling under my coat. Today I sat on the back of the machine while he drove ME back - insert tears here.

BUT he isn't quite grown up yet! Smart arse asked if I would let him drive the car down the road til we got to the highway...............SIGH...........soon enough.

Family law issues tend to get in the way sometimes. A sentimental song for those who get caught up in it all (like myself):

lonestar~let them be little~ - YouTube

[Dazed_and_confused]

I'm not a big fan of country music, but I must admit that was a tear-jerker.

As an imperfect father who does his best for his kids, I can certainly understand the feelings expressed (in the song and by you).

But as a son whose parents separated, I hope I can offer you something positive. Yes, it was difficult for a kid to go through. But in the end, what stands out is the unconditional love of my mother who always did the best she could in sometimes difficult circumstances. We recently talked and I was shocked that she felt she had somehow let me down all those years ago. She remembers all the times she couldn't provide what she THOUGHT I wanted and has always carried that with her. I told her that I NEVER felt she had let me down in any way......it may have seemed that way when I was a kid, but as an adult I understood.

All I can say is love your kids with all of your heart; in the end they will remember you for the things you did and cherish the love they were given.

[hadenough]

As an imperfect mother, thanks Dazed&Confused for that recollection. I often wonder what memories my son will have seeing as the last 5 yrs have been hell. It was a different kind of hell before separation, but my ex's financial destruction of me has certainly not brought out the best in me.

The sports were one of the first things to go. An old tattered lacrosse stick in the garage bears witness to just one of the casualties. I can't get these lost years back. I try to savour the moments where we laugh about something, or just sit and watch a movie. The "movie" thing happens less now. Not too many 14 y/o want to go to the theatre with "mom."

They don't stay young for long. I hope my son will one day recall the little things, and the special times that we still managed to have despite the storm we were forced into. A storm so big, that there was no way for me to completely shield him from.

What hurts the mother (or father) hurts the child. I can't believe how many people don't see that. In my opinion, any person that would put their own child/ren in the path of destruction b/c they are hell bent on ruining the other parent, is a sick and unforgivable low-life.

That's my 2c. Dazed^ I'm sure that chat you had with your mom meant the world to her

[Dazed_and_confused]

That's my 2c. Dazed^ I'm sure that chat you had with your mom meant the world to her

Yes, it did, and it meant a lot to me too. It still brings a tear to my eye thinking about it now.

I should also add that although I have had a somewhat cool and distant relationship with my own father since my parents separated 30+ years ago, he was the first one to step up and offer me absolutely ANYTHING I needed when I made my separation public (by way of Facebook the morning after). We have mended the fences and all past sins and offences have been mutually forgiven. There were a lot of incorrect assumptions on both our parts. Even though he is not in the best health, he is still going to great lengths to help me through this.

My advice to either parent is do not assume anything; as long as you are doing your best for your kids and love them no matter what, that is what counts.

If there is any solace I can take from my separation, it is that even bad events lead to some good things. I have been able to reconnect with both of my parents and say what had been left unsaid for far too long. I'm glad that I had the opportunity to do so while they are still alive.

[hadenough]

That is encouraging.

I would caution you to limit what you post on Facebook. In fact, I jumped right off facebook when the separation drama etc started.

Facebook postings have come back to bite many ppl (litigants/would be litigants) in the butt. It is now often found in many court decisions, especially in Family Law.

[DowntroddenDad]

For all of our years together, I woke my kids up in the morning. My girls got cuddles and kisses. I got big smiles and hugs. My son was never easy to get up.

Now, my girls begrudgingly at times hug me or more accurately allow themselves to be hugged. Part of that is divorce, part of that is becoming teenagers. Whatever the reason, I miss the closeness. We do things together, we spend time but they don't confide in me.

Yes, I do cry about whats been lost. But I don't let them know.

[Dazed_and_confused]

I would caution you to limit what you post on Facebook. In fact, I jumped right off facebook when the separation drama etc started.

I have been told that my initial post was my way of desperately calling out for help (something I always had a hard time doing), and I think that is correct to a great extent. Subsequent posts are dealing with the joys of reconnecting with family and old friends, and the discovery of the importance of "me" time. I learned some time ago to be careful because it can bite you in the ass with your employer (saw it happen to others).

[hadenough]

Very true re: FB and other social media^

@dtDad: I totally understand. Lately it seems like kiddo and I just live in the same house. I guess this is a normal part of the teen years. :/ It's nice to see them growing up and becoming independent but it's hard to swallow sometimes: how invisible we as parents are, at times.

[DowntroddenDad]

Very true re: FB and other social media^

@dtDad: I totally understand. Lately it seems like kiddo and I just live in the same house. I guess this is a normal part of the teen years. :/ It's nice to see them growing up and becoming independent but it's hard to swallow sometimes: how invisible we as parents are, at times.

The funny thing is my son, the oldest, is the least independant. He has some mental health issues. He has lost many of his friends. So he and I hang out together, and when he is in crisis, I get called immediately, sometimes by my ex, sometimes by my daughters. He does stay overnight on occasion, we hang out and do guy stuff.

I took him to a talk at my church on Friday night about boredom and depression, and he openly admitted to my minister that he suffered from depression. I was amazed.

I think the warmer weather will help, my girls do like to go hiking and I will be happy to take them.